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AIBU?

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Original poster

To of told a lie to not collect her kids

627 replies

Guiltybutstuck · 25/02/2020 14:02

I feel really guilty. A mum I speak to at the gates sent me a message an hour ago. Her youngest was being sent into hospital with a bad chest and she asked if I could possibly pick her two boys up from school. One is in my son's class and the other is older. I don't particularly know these kids other than if we walk up the road with them.

When I read the message the first thing I thought was we have a mile walk home and I don't think I can cope with a toddler and 3 kids with bags and drink bottles and coats etc. They all strip off and Chuck their bags on the pushchairs etc after school.

Also I'm having a really bad period. It's heavy and I'm already in a sweat about school run leaking. I am under the Dr for this and currently getting help and having scans etc. The thought of needing to dart to the loo with other peoples kids here that I don't know is a bit tricky.

My partner's working home today so needs the quiet.

Also it's pancake Day and I have only got enough for us four. My kids will need feeding around 5ish. There will be no telling when they will get back.

Also I would of needed to do abit of a mad hoover and tidy before the school run which I really cba doing today.

I said we were at my sister's tonight so wouldnt be going home. I did say I could nip them to a park for half hour to give them time to come back.

I feel so guilty. I just wasn't prepared and I don't really know them.

Am I a cow for not being more helpful? I was surprised I was the choice of help too.

OP posts:
RuggerHug · 25/02/2020 18:57

The pancake mix is irrelevant. In an emergency which this was you tell your kids you're doing pancakes tomorrow instead and feed them all what you have, no child starved having toast/freezer tray beige stuff/chipper got in.

Sceptre86 · 25/02/2020 18:58

I think you are getting an unreasonably hard time on here. I have similar periods and have been finally referred to hospital. I have to take my dd to nursery 45 minute walk away and I struggled so bad last week that dh had to work from home so that he could take her. So I understand where you are coming from.

Kids make noise and especially if new kids are around mine would be excited, not go down for a nap and this would make it very difficult for dh to work from home. All fair and well to say he could sit in the car to make calls, what about when he needs wifi to check and respond to work emails?

Yes this probably would have been a one off and if you knew the kids better things would have been easier. I wouldn't have bothered about the hoovering or making pancakes ( if you didn't have enough for all of the kids I wouldn't have made them for any). Hopefully the other mum would have found someone else to help. It is a lot to ask of a parent you do not know very well to have your kids, take care of them and feed them as well as potentially have them overnight. I wouldn't want to take on that responsibility unless I knew the parent and kids very well.

Mistystar99 · 25/02/2020 18:58

YANBU. I would have said no as well.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 25/02/2020 19:04

Why didn't you just tell her you're not well enough to look after extra children if you genuinely aren't? That's a better excuse than "I'm going to my sisters" Confused

Mittens030869 · 25/02/2020 19:05

I don't know how I would have responded in that situation. I remember how bad it was for me when I went through really heavy bleeding (very few days without and horrible cramps). I might have had to say no. But I wouldn't have invented excuses, I would have told the truth, that I could barely cope with my then reception aged DD1 and 1 year old DD2 with my periods being as they were. I wouldn't have felt the need to lie about it.

Everytimeiseeher · 25/02/2020 19:05

Op ignore all these responses.
You were out on the spot, you had plans for you and your own children and are not feeling 100%. Just because your DH is working from home today doesn’t mean he has an office, he may be working at the dining table.
I don’t think you were BU. Life is busy, no need to explain yourself to a mum at the school gate or posters on here for that matter. Hope you enjoyed your time with your dc and your husband got his work done.
If you see school mum tomorrow, ask after her kids and apology for not being able to help, maybe offer support if she needs it next time and you’re able.

Cherrysoup · 25/02/2020 19:06

YANBU, IMO. Why should you do this? Is there some mum code of once you’ve seen a mum more than twice at the school gates, now you have to take her kids home? The woman asking has a partner, she wasn’t alone.

ChickLitLover · 25/02/2020 19:09

Personally when my DD was at Primary school I only had the phone numbers of people I knew quite well and vice versa so for someone to be able to contact me would mean I would probably help if I could because they would be a friend of sorts.

I have the numbers of most parents in my primary school child’s class just from party invites over the years where the whole class has been invited. I’m not friends enough with many of them to ask them to have my children though.

mrscold · 25/02/2020 19:11

My first thought is you only have enough pancake stuff for four?! It's just flour eggs and milk?! How can you not just add a bit more??

TwitcherOfCurtains · 25/02/2020 19:15

I doubt the op was only going to serve pancakes :-). They are pudding

No, op mentioned several times they were having them for dinner tonight and tomorrow night they'll have chicken for dinner.

DelphiniumBlue · 25/02/2020 19:15

Yes, lame excuses. How can you not have enough pancakes to share, just add more flour and milk? And putting bags and coats on the pram is a problem? Hoovering before children come round?
But you know this is all nonsense, you lied because you know your excuses were petty. Its a shame you didn't feel able to help someone in need. Poor woman must have been desperate, she wouldn't have asked you otherwise.
Hopefully you can contact her now to ask what you can do to help.

TwitcherOfCurtains · 25/02/2020 19:17

And don't those bottles make about 8 pancakes? So that's 2 thin pancakes per person for the evening meal!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 25/02/2020 19:19

A hour at the park Hmm

Guilty - when you first posted I thought that you had been selfish and unkind, but I wouldn't have described you as a "cow"

However every post you have made since has convinced me that you are. The more you try to justify your unkindness, the more unpleasant you sound.

Like others, I can't understand why your DH - obviously a prince among men - would let you walk a mile each way to school when you are practically haemorrhaging.

I couldn't understand why you felt you had to tidy up and hoover before bringing a couple of kids home.

I couldn't understand why you and your DH couldn't go without your pancakes and let these kids have them.

I couldn't understand why you couldn't just give them beans and toast.

I couldn't understand why you couldn't tell them that they would have to be quiet and watch Spongebob Squarepants (or whatever) because you're DH was busy.

And I certainly couldn't understand why - if a walk home with two unknown kids was such a chore - that you would want to spend an hour with them in the park, in the cold, away from a toilet and away from a change of clothes.

You didn't want to help someone - fine - your choice. But don't expect us to praise you for your decision.

user1471449295 · 25/02/2020 19:22

@Guiltybutstuck, lame excuses. Love

SchadenfreudePersonified · 25/02/2020 19:22

I doubt the op was only going to serve pancakes :-). They are pudding

We usually have just pancakes (about 40 each Grin)

Rataouliie is a lovely savoury pancake filling. So is mince.

Barbie222 · 25/02/2020 19:23

Hmmm I'd have helped and postponed the pancakes, as like you it's just a day to eat pancakes to me.

aroundtheworldyet · 25/02/2020 19:23

Who BUYS pancake mix??!!!!!

Waspnest · 25/02/2020 19:25

ChickLit That's why I said I wasn't sure if the OP was BU. I never saved the numbers from party invites so none of my contacts are just acquaintances but obviously we're all different. It doesn't sound as if the OP knows the family well. I do agree with you though, I wouldn't have wanted a non-friend to have my children, and it seems the father was available anyway.

Billyeyelash · 25/02/2020 19:28

Pancakes are a proper meal aren't they?

I hope your instinct reaction was a panicked one OP.
I can't help but think she must have been desparate. I've had to phone other parents when my youngest has been rushed to hospital. Thankfully not been refused.

Boredbumhead · 25/02/2020 19:32

I would have helped Op.

melissasummerfield · 25/02/2020 19:36

Your dh must be an absolute knob if he lets you do a two mile walk when you are practically bleeding to death Confused

AriadnesFilament · 25/02/2020 19:37

She drives

AriadnesFilament · 25/02/2020 19:42

Or at least that’s what I took from an earlier update describing the car journey

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 25/02/2020 19:43

I think he drives and she doesn't so she walks

Bluerussian · 25/02/2020 19:47

aroundtheworldyet Tue 25-Feb-20 19:23:16
Who BUYS pancake mix??!!!!!
.......
People on their own who don't want to mess about too much I suppose. I can't imagine families having pancakes from a packet of mix.

I've just had a big pancake, it was lovely, yum.

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