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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To of told a lie to not collect her kids

627 replies

Guiltybutstuck · 25/02/2020 14:02

I feel really guilty. A mum I speak to at the gates sent me a message an hour ago. Her youngest was being sent into hospital with a bad chest and she asked if I could possibly pick her two boys up from school. One is in my son's class and the other is older. I don't particularly know these kids other than if we walk up the road with them.

When I read the message the first thing I thought was we have a mile walk home and I don't think I can cope with a toddler and 3 kids with bags and drink bottles and coats etc. They all strip off and Chuck their bags on the pushchairs etc after school.

Also I'm having a really bad period. It's heavy and I'm already in a sweat about school run leaking. I am under the Dr for this and currently getting help and having scans etc. The thought of needing to dart to the loo with other peoples kids here that I don't know is a bit tricky.

My partner's working home today so needs the quiet.

Also it's pancake Day and I have only got enough for us four. My kids will need feeding around 5ish. There will be no telling when they will get back.

Also I would of needed to do abit of a mad hoover and tidy before the school run which I really cba doing today.

I said we were at my sister's tonight so wouldnt be going home. I did say I could nip them to a park for half hour to give them time to come back.

I feel so guilty. I just wasn't prepared and I don't really know them.

Am I a cow for not being more helpful? I was surprised I was the choice of help too.

OP posts:
Funnyface1 · 25/02/2020 17:11

Yanbu. You didn't feel able to cope with her kids as well as your own so you didn't. That's not unreasonable. I think the pancake comment is what pissed everyone off but whatever. A lot of people like to pretend they're saints on here.

MummytoCSJH · 25/02/2020 17:12

@SunshineCake but there hasn't been an emergency has there, not for them. Lots of people speak to extremely important clients via calls at home and it would be completely inappropriate to have children screaming in the background.

ShesCurly · 25/02/2020 17:13

Why did you post a question if there was only one answer acceptable to you? You said you felt guilty and people basically said yeah I would too.

You didn't share any of the information about your serious health condition (and I agree it absolutely is one and I'm sorry you're going through that) until later so people commented without full information and you've responded so defensively.

Was pointless asking if you only wanted people to agree with you.

As I said I hope the mum and her baby are both ok and not in hospital for too long.

Original poster
Guiltybutstuck · 25/02/2020 17:14

@MummytoCSJH exactly nobody takes any of that into account. They think I'm sulking over pancakes. Not because of the actual problems. I'm struggling. I don't have much food in until shopping on Thursday. I don't know the kids. There's no time of when she was back or who could take over later.

I am in touch with the mum and I have told her if she needs any help in the morning I'll take the kids to school. I do care about her baby and her. I don't need to show the conversations Ive had between me and her in the last hour yo proove that. I have to put my own kids first sometimes and I don't want to risk not being able to get to sleep later and be leaking through PJ's and in and out the shower whilst trying to watch four children. 2 i don't know. I really do try best to help.

OP posts:
Bluerussian · 25/02/2020 17:14

The pancake business did seem pretty important in your first post, op and it made you look quite silly when they are easy enough to make.

Fair enough though, you obviously had barely enough flour, eggs and milk .... plus you don't care whether or not you have a pancake.....
blimey.

I do not know why you started this thread, what did you expect? You refused to help a person in need because you are having a very heavy period, it's a long walk home with young kids and you're out of flour and eggs. We get that. You made your decision and feel mean about it, we get that. End of.

Hope you all enjoy your meagre pancakes this evening.

LettertoHermoine · 25/02/2020 17:15

@Guiltybutstuck Nope, I also got the fact you need have to walk a mile, something about carrying schoolbags coz kids can't carry their own, kids stripping off extra heavy coats in the middle of winter and dumping them on the buggy, hubby's VERY important and professional phone calls, going to the loo with a heavy period is a bit "tricky" with other kids in the house, the fact you have not cleaned and hoovered..oh and something about drink bottles....

AND the lack of enough pancake mix.

Original poster
Guiltybutstuck · 25/02/2020 17:17

@bluerussian

You have had digs at me on so many posts and other people. What is it with you. Clearly it's not the pancake that's the issue. But you have found a tiny thing to argue about. I don't have food in for other kids. I've got a roast chicken in for tomorrow and then I'll shop for my next lot of meals. The pancakes are for my children to eat and yes we were going to have one too. Because we need to eat. It just happened to be a fucking pancake.

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 25/02/2020 17:17

Lots of people here willing to turn themselves inside out while their legs hanging off by a thread. Virtue signalling much?

fairlyplump · 25/02/2020 17:18

Oh poor woman, I guess she was really stuck to have asked you, but its your choice, to have written this tho you do feel you could have helped and chose not to, and have found a lot of excuses to say no, so I think you wished you'd have have sad yes and helped her out. It could be you one day

Original poster
Guiltybutstuck · 25/02/2020 17:20

@lettertohermoine

Yep 40 mins walk on a main road and through a park. One adult. Kids darting off. The boys had scooters. They strip off every day and give their mum bags and bottles and coats.

My husband does security to keep people like you safe. So yes when he's ringing the police etc he needs to be proffesional. He does big events too for your information. Makes sure there are safety measures in place so people don't get attacked etc. Imagine people having an important job aye!

OP posts:
mcmooberry · 25/02/2020 17:20

I think the problem here is it's hard to convey just how rough you are feeling and in your OP the litany of reasons/excuses why you couldn't do it sounded very lame (and I did vote YABU). You are clearly kind enough to feel bad about your knee jerk refusal when you feared being stuck with 2 extra children all evening which I can understand when you can barely cope with your own due to exhaustion/anaemia. Hope your own health improves soon x

Nonnymum · 25/02/2020 17:20

what's the lie?
The lie was that she was going to. Her sister's after school

Orchidfeed · 25/02/2020 17:23

Yes I think you should have helped her.
pancake mixture can stretch with a bit extra flour or milk and you can put so many different things on them so you could have managed. And/or give them the adult’s pancakes

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 25/02/2020 17:24

I'd have done it as a one off .
Your husband working from home and feeling unwell are enough reason to feel unable to help, the pancakes however are unnecessary

LettertoHermoine · 25/02/2020 17:25

@Guiltybutstuck Look, dress it up any way you like but the general consensus is that YABU and your excuses were flimsy. The fact you said you feel guilty tells me all I need to know. To be honest, it would be worse if you didn't feel guilty but your moral compass is obviously niggling at you and that is a good thing.

Dieu · 25/02/2020 17:26

YABU, sorry.

Original poster
Guiltybutstuck · 25/02/2020 17:26

Ok Hermione. Absolutely nothing would stop you doing a good deed. Do you wear a cape

OP posts:
Leaannb · 25/02/2020 17:27

@Sunshinekeeping Her husband being able to maintain a professional atmosphere while doing his job his vital to their home economics. Of course that should come before a near stranger. She did not have to send her kids to school today. She could have kept them with them. She caused her own stresses and it isn’t up to OP to put herself and her family out for strangers

TwitcherOfCurtains · 25/02/2020 17:27

Yabu.
If you're so ill then why isn't your husband collecting the children?! I can't imagine my DH ever leaving me to suffer like that, it would take 10 mins in a car.

Original poster
Guiltybutstuck · 25/02/2020 17:27

Your not very intelligent if you would allow noisy kids in your house to interupt a call from someone to say get the footage for this because this has happened. You literally have no idea.

OP posts:
Ostagazuzulum · 25/02/2020 17:27

I think if it was me I'd have probably just taken the kids. If she's asking you and she doesn't know you that well then she must be struggling for someone to help her? I know it would've been hassle but it's one evening. Possibly could've made smart pancakes and topped up with frozen chips or something? I know it would've been hassle but for one night? I understand you're reasons but personally I would've helped regardless. X

HeadachesByTheDozen · 25/02/2020 17:28

So your husband never has afternoon tea? Never takes a 15 minute break? Forces you to walk 45 (or is it 40 now) minutes when you are seriously ill? He doesn't sound like much of a catch! Confused Glad he's not my husband. Perhaps if you learned to drive (as a mother you should anyway, considering children require transporting to appointments and things) you could nip out with the car and be back in 15 mins.

myrtleWilson · 25/02/2020 17:29

A journalist managed to continue a live tv interview with his children and wife causing mayhem and joy behind him yet your DH can't cope with the potential noise of school aged children presumably in another room?!

NotALurker2 · 25/02/2020 17:29

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Original poster
Guiltybutstuck · 25/02/2020 17:29

My husband has collected my child the last few weeks when he can. Today he's doing something at work and he is unable to stop whilst he has people on site ringing him. He can't just tell people in London he's going on the school run and he will help them in an hour.

OP posts: