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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents bought me a house to rent and I hate it

252 replies

jamjarlife · 25/02/2020 12:53

Fully prepared to get flamed here, NC for obv reasons.

I have 1 dc and I am married, I have rented my whole life and every year we struggle with rent increases, landlords deciding to sell and having to move etc. My parents have just retired and are fairly well off. They offered to buy a house in my city for me to rent from them. I didn't even know they'd started looking when they presented me with a house to view about 15 miles from where I was currently. I viewed it and liked it, area seemed fine and parents had done their research and decided it was a good area to invest in, good schools for dc etc. They proceeded. They spent 3 months re-decorating and sorting the house out and we moved in just after Christmas.

I hate it. I hate the area, I hate the traffic, I hate the (look) of the school my child would most likely go to, I just hate the whole feel of the place.

What do I do? I know its only been 2 months so perhaps I need to give it a better chance but honestly I miss where we used to live. AIBU?

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 25/02/2020 13:42

I think you've got a really nice thing going on. If it were me, I'd try really hard to stick it out for one year. Explore and get to really know the area (2 months isn't long enough) and what it has to offer. Put an effort into learning to like it. Everywhere has its 'positives', see if you can find them. Try not to compare it to where you lived before, try to see it for own benefits

I'd also try to search myself to figure out why, after only two months, you have such feelings of negativity. Unless the place has turned out to be a crime ridden shithole of course. Is it that you haven't made friends yet? Is it that you can't get to your 'usual' stores or restaurants? Are you feeling isolated? Or conversely, are your parents 'dropping in' more frequently?

Wheresthebeach · 25/02/2020 13:45

But you viewed it and liked it? So how can it all change so dramatically in two months? Just doesn't make any sense.

MaggieFS · 25/02/2020 13:46

Give it a. It longer. At least six months to nine months before it even starts to feel like home. I moved from one end of England to the other about 10 years ago and everyone I then met who asked where I lived said 'ooh that's lovely'. I could not for the life of me understand why. I thought it was fine. Eventually I got involved in activities, made friends, put down roots and loved it.

JustInCaseCakeHappens · 25/02/2020 13:46

Ignore the jealous haters that always pop up

but why did you change your mind? If you originally liked the area and the house, why do you have different feelings about it?

Disfordarkchocolate · 25/02/2020 13:49

People move house all the time and don't realise till afterwards that the traffic is awful/on a rat run/neighbour is a loon/ house has damp/school is actually full of drugs etc. If you rent you move if you want, you aren't tied to the house your parents are.

TheBouquets · 25/02/2020 13:49

Get an estate agent in to assess the house for sale and for rent. That way you will find out if you are being charged the full rent for that type of house in that area. If you know the price your parents paid you will also know if it is viable to ask them to sell that house and buy another of your choice.

I wonder though if anything would make you happy. You didn't like living with a landlord owning the house and having the decision over re renting, putting the rent up or selling the property. Now despite having been happy with the house a few short months ago you don't like it. It may just be your personality. You may have an agenda with your parents. Only you will know

Unsureconfused46 · 25/02/2020 13:50

A bit ungrateful?

dognamedspot · 25/02/2020 13:51

You were consulted - own this
"they presented me with a house to view about 15 miles from where I was currently. I viewed it and liked it, area seemed fine and parents had done their research and decided it was a good area to invest in, good schools for dc etc. They proceeded."
People saying your parents are controlling are being very unfair, they have done a very kind thing. Yes, they can let it to someone else, but clearly the intention was to help you.
I'd say stick with it for 6 months to a year, and if it isn't working move. We don't know whether your parents want to own a buy to let property, or whether they just did this to help you. So at least give it a go, and then if you move they can decide what to do next.

redastherose · 25/02/2020 13:52

It sounds as though you were presented with the house they chose rather than had much of an input in choosing the location and property. That is a bit strange when it was being bought for you to live in. Did you get to choose how it as decorated or was that done without asking you too? I know if you were renting from anyone else you wouldn't have that choice either but it is a different situation when it was specifically bought for you. Generally it takes a while to settle into a new area and property. Don't feel bad that it doesn't feel like home yet, give yourself some time. However, if you can't settle there it depends on whether you are paying a preferential rent which will allow you to save for your own house as to what you do next. If you are paying the going rate then you are not benefiting other than having a bit more security so your parents will lose nothing by renting it out to someone else. If you are paying a lower rent then use the next couple of years to save like mad to build up your own deposit and then you can buy somewhere you really love.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/02/2020 13:54

Are you paying market rates? Or a reduced rent? In a couple Of years you may grow to love living there. Six months let alone 2 is nowhere near enough time to decide you hate the house and area.

InsomCho · 25/02/2020 13:58

How much rent are you paying? If you're paying market rent/equivalent to what you were paying before then I wouldn't think twice about moving on.

If you're paying less than market rent then the question is whether what you're saving in rent is worth it for the quality of life. In this case it might be worth giving it a bit longer to see if you adjust - or can save up enough for a deposit on a place that's really your own, not actually an investment for your parents.

dippyeggsandham · 25/02/2020 14:00

What has changed since you viewed it

boats · 25/02/2020 14:02

Why is everyone being so rude? The OP was not gifted this house, her parents did a kind thing by buying it to relieve her of the stress of rent increases, but she is under no obligation to live there if she doesn't want to.

GrolliffetheDragon · 25/02/2020 14:03

But you viewed it and liked it? So how can it all change so dramatically in two months?

Vireing a house for half and hour isn't the same as living there. Doesn't let you know what the area is like in evenings or at night.

Though I do think OP should give it a bit longer.

Straycatstrut · 25/02/2020 14:03

So save up to buy a place of your own, move out and let others move in and rent that one. That'll be someone's ideal home.

Or do you expect your parents to upgrade you? Better house, area? Because your adding multiple £k to it if you are.

I take it your rent isn't extortionate like mine (not much change from a grand) I'm a single mum of 2 small boys and have NO chance of getting a deposit together in the next decade+ I have no childcare or support in any way, unless you count universal credit hounding me into employment until I have suicidal thoughts.

You have a partner? Do you both work? Start saving. I would LOVE to be in your position.

FruitorCheese · 25/02/2020 14:05

The alternative presumably is to move back to renting from other landlords, which you struggled to afford, and who increase the rent or decide to sell.

While your parents could have included you more in choosing the decor etc, you did view it and like it so you should give it more of a chance.

Straycatstrut · 25/02/2020 14:06

her parents did a kind thing by buying it to relieve her of the stress of rent increases

And the constant threat of landlord selling up and eviction and homelessness looming.

Peace of mind. Security.

Which is amazing. and family rates! it's a lot more than a lot of us have and she's moaning about it. She can stay there for a couple of years and save up her own deposit.

Devlesko · 25/02/2020 14:08

They haven't bought you a house. They have bought a rental and you are their tenants.
Look for a place that you like, then they can rent to someone else.

JustInCaseCakeHappens · 25/02/2020 14:10

Vireing a house for half and hour isn't the same as living there. Doesn't let you know what the area is like in evenings or at night. Confused

How do you think people buy houses? You do a bit of research, you don't spend a few hundred thousands pounds then decide you don't like the house after all.

IchbineinBerlinner · 25/02/2020 14:11

No matter what you decide, maybe give it more time? 2 months is nothing. I too don't agree that they have bought you a house and the way it was done suggests to me that they are quite controlling. I wonder is your inner resentment projected upon the house?

Original poster
jamjarlife · 25/02/2020 14:13

I know I'm being a bit of a knob here, I do.

BUT they bought the house in the area THEY liked, when we suggested other areas they said no, it has to be here. We figured a stable house in a "good" area is better than carrying on renting. They also promised to charge us much less rent than we were currently paying (we were paying 900, in the early days they suggested paying around 700) but after costs and mortgage went through they decided it needed to be £850 a month. The council tax is band D, whereas our previous house was band B. We are not better off financially.

Its not the house, as we have decorated that a fair bit since moving in. Its the area - its just soul-less and traffic laden. I didn't really realise how bad traffic was if I'm honest and how far away amenities are (its a new build type estate so not much of note nearby.)

I think I agree that more time is needed.

OP posts:
Straycatstrut · 25/02/2020 14:15

No matter what you decide, maybe give it more time? 2 months is nothing. I too don't agree that they have bought you a house and the way it was done suggests to me that they are quite controlling. I wonder is your inner resentment projected upon the house?

They invested in a property and everyone benefits from it. I think it's a great idea. Why should they buy grown adults a house outright?

ListeningQuietly · 25/02/2020 14:18

they bought the house in the area THEY liked, when we suggested other areas they said no, it has to be here
and
its a new build type estate so not much of note nearby
In that case YANBU
They can rent out to other tenants at full market rate
you can move to somewhere with character and less traffic

JingsMahBucket · 25/02/2020 14:19

@jamjarlife based on your update and especially regarding not being much better off financially, I’d look into moving back to your original area in the next year. Hopefully you can save enough to do that.

JudgeRindersMinder · 25/02/2020 14:21

I actually do feel sorry for you-it was initially presented as being for YOU, and your opinion has been totally disregarded. It now looks like your parents have bought an investment property and given you first dibs on tenancy.
It doesn’t sound like they’re going to move on the rent either, given that it’s already higher than they first said.
I don’t know what the answer is though-I’ve lived in an area I didn’t like (and it probably wasn’t a very rational dislike) and I hated every day I lived there, but give it a go for a bit longer, winter isn’t really a good time to move because everyone is holed up in their houses, you might get more of a chance to get on the chat with neighbours etc once the weather improves and that might help

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