To be fucking sick of my toilet phobia. (tmi)

[fuckingshittoilets]

I'm currently sat in my best friends guest room on the verge of tears - I can't fucking do this.
I suffer from toilet phobia - the fear of going to a bathroom with other people in the house, or of other people knowing what i'm doing, etc.
I have held it in for two weeks now, and it's making me painfully constipated and i can barely fucking sit down or walk.
I always wait for DH to get out of the house to go, i haven't told him.
I have panic attacks over it. Toilet phobia is the bane of my existence.
My Best friends house has shitty paper thin walls and there are currently other guests over in the living room. I am bursting and my heart is pounding in anxiety.
it's humiliating and it started when I was in high school because of the girls in the bathroom pounding on the cubicle door, listening to you and making jokes etc
some days it honestly makes me want to kill myself, I wish there was more awareness.
I am a 37 year old woman. I want a DD but my mind is constantly taken up my fear of going to the toilet.
Some days I have considered asking for a fucking colostomy bag as I feel that would be better
I know that everybody does it, but that just makes it even worse. What in the fuck do i do now. Please help MN.

I get anxious the flush won't work :(

Phobias of every kind are very easily treated by a good hypnotherapist in one or two sessions.
Research a practice, choose your therapist and just BOOK IT.

You are not alone. I can’t poo at other people’s houses or in public. I don’t like to pee in strange toilets either but sometimes you have to like in a pub. Once I’ve selected a cubicle I’ll always head to the same one if I can because I know it’s safe to pee in.

When I first got with my now DH I lived in a studio flat and I used to send him out so I could poo. The first time we went away together I had to ask him to wear headphones before I could poo. Confessing the problem did help and although he sees me as being a bit funny he does try to help. I can go in the house now because I’m used to him being there but I still have to yell at him now and again to go do something else if he’s trying to talk to me through the bathroom door.

My parents house is ‘safe’ except when people are the in garden but I can’t go at my in-laws unless they are all out because I know you can be heard downstairs. I’ve never even had a pee at most of my friends houses because they aren’t ‘safe’ - I moderate my drinking so I don’t have to.

I was like this when I was younger and if I’m being totally honest I wouldn’t crap in someone else’s house or even in public unless it was an absolute emergency even to this day. I also gave myself chronic constipation holding it in when I stayed in other peoples homes for a few days, I just couldn’t bring myself to poo. I was fine with peeing generally although I’d hold it in during the night for fear of waking someone and I always found it awkward asking someone to use their loo. I still get worried now that people will think I’ve been pooping if there was a queue in a public toilet for example so I’ll clarify that there was a large queue.

I remember when DH and I first met and he started staying over at mine from Friday night-Sunday evening. Neither of us would dare poo at all so we’d both hold it in all weekend then when he left I’d dash to the toilet and it would be the biggest relief imaginable . We both admitted after about three months that we were bursting by the end of the weekend so we had a giggle and decided to stop holding it in. I needed him to be downstairs whenever I went with him in the house for ages though and also would run the tap and put toilet roll down first! I think this fear is fairly common.

you're not alone, i suffer the exact same problem - i won't go in work or if im over someones house because I'm too embarrassed.

Last night was awful - DP and DSS were just stood in the doorway of DSS's bedroom which was right outside the bathroom, and i was busting to go but couldn't because they were stood outside!

I used to live in a student house with 8 other people and the walls were paper thin - i found the only way i could cope was to say i was going for a shower/bath and that would explain why i was gone for so long and would also help to mask the sound!

It's easy for others to dismiss it when it's something they probably wouldn't give a second thought to but i know exactly what you are going through.

Mine started when an ex boyfriend commented on how long/how often i would go to the toilet - he said something along the lines of "i'm going to start calling you dumpy!" because apparently going for a poo every day is not normal for a girl!? I have been paranoid ever since.

I would probably get some help if it was affecting me majorly but luckily i am only in work once a week and it's only really DSS that i get conscious around now which i really shouldn't because he certainly doesn't care if everyone knows he's having a poo not envy!.

I totally get it, I go through phases like this! I say phases but what I mean is sometimes I’m not as bad as others but I wouldn’t want to go in a friends house and I used to be like this with my husband ironically till I had a baby!!! You can get those little sprays for when you have a poo that deodorises the bathroom I would have one of those with me in future, and consider taking movical if you are constipated, it softens the poo so you won’t be loud going and it won’t make you gassy either! Well I can’t speak for you on that one but it didn’t me. If you are staying over can you ask to take a shower? The noise of that will also drown out poop noises! I used to be so bad I would pretend I had blisters on my feet and run the bath to drown out any sounds even if I didn’t make any, and say I had to soak my feet 😂 extreme but the anxiety is awful and although I may have gotten a funny look or two I went and was much more comfortable after! You are not alone in this fear though it’s awful! And it’s so much worse when you hold it in so long you must be very uncomfortable you poor thing!!!

I think this is a very primal thing related to territory
the archetypal builder who shits in your downstairs toilet without a care is able to do so because he is completely unselfconscious and feels the whole world is his territory
the woman who doesn't feel able to shit even in her own home is like this because she is very self-conscious and doesn't feel safe anywhere, nowhere feels like her territory

I think you're over-estimating how much other people care or even hear toilet noises. Even if they do overhear a plop or a fart, so what? It's a human function. Life goes on.

I was once invigilating an exam at a sixth form college when a girl put up her hand and asked to leave the room. I took her outside and she said she had a dreadful tummy ache. I asked if going to the loo would help and she said that yes, it would, but that she had never in her life had a poo anywhere other than in her own home. She was prepared to risk being disqualified from the exam and possibly causing problems with her career plans rather than using a public loo. In the end I convinced her that she should use the college facilities - which consisted of about 30 cubicles - once no-one was in there and I stood guard at the door telling students that the room was temporarily out of use and that they should use the other female loos. All went well and she finished - and passed - her exam, but I was achingly sorry that such a natural function had become invested with so much angst and embarrassment for her.

i second poo pourri. Amazing at smell masking. It's not air frshener, it actually traps the odour underwater