To be fucking sick of my toilet phobia. (tmi)

[fuckingshittoilets]

I'm currently sat in my best friends guest room on the verge of tears - I can't fucking do this.
I suffer from toilet phobia - the fear of going to a bathroom with other people in the house, or of other people knowing what i'm doing, etc.
I have held it in for two weeks now, and it's making me painfully constipated and i can barely fucking sit down or walk.
I always wait for DH to get out of the house to go, i haven't told him.
I have panic attacks over it. Toilet phobia is the bane of my existence.
My Best friends house has shitty paper thin walls and there are currently other guests over in the living room. I am bursting and my heart is pounding in anxiety.
it's humiliating and it started when I was in high school because of the girls in the bathroom pounding on the cubicle door, listening to you and making jokes etc
some days it honestly makes me want to kill myself, I wish there was more awareness.
I am a 37 year old woman. I want a DD but my mind is constantly taken up my fear of going to the toilet.
Some days I have considered asking for a fucking colostomy bag as I feel that would be better
I know that everybody does it, but that just makes it even worse. What in the fuck do i do now. Please help MN.

OP you are not alone or stupid. People have all kinds of illnesses, fears and phobias. Phobias are just as real as mental illness or physical illness. They can be treated. Have a look at the links. If you can see the GP or in some places self refer for NHS counselling, begin online.

NHS
www.nhs.uk/conditions/phobias/

BBC story
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/6128738.stm

AnxietyUK
www.anxietyuk.org.uk/anxiety-type/toilet-phobia/

people here that have said they had it before, could you tell me what worked for you/what they told you in therapy etc to help

You’ve held it in for 2 weeks?

You’re going to make yourself ill. It really isn’t good for you holding it in.

You know that nobody is going to care about you going for a poo. Everyone does it. Just take some deep breaths and go for it when this next person comes out of the shower. You will be ok.

You will feel so much better after you have been.

Definitely see a GP this is serious.

Why would someone walk in on you? Is there no lock? If other people are having showers now then no one will be suspicious if you go for your “shower” after this person. And if they can hear the water running they won’t walk in on you. You wouldn’t walk in on someone in the shower, so why would anyone else :)

Okay, i'm going to try and go. Thank you so much, just what I needed now. i'll try the shower trick, thank you all. x

Good luck!

I've never wanted someone to poo so much than you OP. I hope you feel relief soon.

tell me what worked for you/what they told you in therapy etc to help

In CBT they effectively challenge your thinking. Re wiring your thought processes so that rather than you going into a negative spiral you'll end up in a position where you can rationalise the fear and move past it so that it is no longer an issue.

You'll get homework after each session. So the first session may have homework along the lines of 'List down your fears each time you need the bathroom in the next week', and the following session may be 'Lets have a look at the thoughts you've had and see if any of your fears came true'.

Overtime you learn that your thought processes and fears are un founded and re learn better ways of thinking. It's really difficult to imagine without having done it, but I'd say just give it a go - surely you'd try anything at this point?

I didn't get therapy.
I still can't go in a toilet if someone is likely to use it after me or in stalls next to one another but I can go at work in certain toilets - self contained and out of the way that not many people use.
I put toilet paper in the loo before I go and only use toilets if there is air freshener in.
I don't know exactly what helped me get better, maybe finding strategies that made me feel safer going combined with forcing myself to do it and the world not falling on my head!

CBT should help but I never sought therapy 🙂 developing IBS took the decision of when to go out of my hands, when I needed to go I HAD to go. Having to go so frequently and urgently meant I was desensitised to having to go outside of my own home and really helped me mentally. well done for finding the courage to at least try to go, hope it goes well x

Are they good friends?
'Look, everyone, I really need to have a dump, but have got this thing about being overheard! Can you make lots of noise until I come out, and then forget everything I've just told you like Men In Black? Cheers, love you all forever!'
Your fear is about people knowing. But if you tell them, rather than them finding out by stealth, then YOU are in control, not your fear. You don't have to have the door open, or take them in with you! (that can be your next challenge!)
If they are friends they will not care and will likely be sympathetic. If they aren't friends, then you won't be seeing them every day, will you? So it doesn't matter. And they still probably won't care and might be sympathetic.

You’re not pathetic OP . You wouldn’t say that about someone with a phobia of spiders or heights, would you? This isn’t different.

Oh you poor thing! I know exactly how you feel, I used to be exactly the same but I’ve trained myself to be a bit better now, partly by realising that the more I wait/hold then the more noticeable/stressful it is when I do go. I still use all the tricks when anyone is in the house though, and work, hotels and most public toilets are out of the question.

Agree with others. Breezily tell everyone you’re going for a shower and then you’ve got plenty of time and an excuse for the running water to mask any noise.

And please, speak to someone professional who can help. You’ll hurt yourself if you carry on like this x

I have had this. I just make alone time now which can be difficult with having two kids under 5. I get panicked about not having the time as well as not going anywhere else but home. I got medication from the GP to take as suffer with chronic constipation, taking this helps as makes me unable to hold it in for days. Can totally sympathise as your bowel movements control your life. You will get through this and once you have a baby you will care less as you soon find out bowel movements is all you discuss!

Cognitive behaviour therapy is exactly the thing for this. Get a referral from GP as this is dangerous for your health - anxiety is nothing to be ashamed of.

For a while I had kind of an opposite problem where I panicked and desperately needed the loo every time I felt I couldn't get to one easily. At its worst I was getting off the tube half way through my commute to work to find a loo, and wasn't able to sit anywhere except the end of a row at the theatre or concert without needing the toilet right in the middle of a performance.

CBT will help you put things in context. If waiting for treatment try reading the Feeling Good Handbook by David D Burns to help, it is really good and it shows just how many things people can develop anxiety about, which is helpful in itself.

Yay!

I had this very problem at uni in my first year, made myself Ill with it and suffered all year. Then I had a brain wave and as rank as it sounds out the tap on our toilet palate in your hand then catch it so it doesn’t splash. You don’t actually touch it but it has helped me enormously and saved me from dropping out of uni all together

That should be toilet paper!!

In my therapy we discussed about how phobias get a stranglehold on you.

We develop a fear about a situation and we start to try and avoid it.
The problem with this is, it takes a while for our brains to relearn that the situation isn't as bad as we believe and by avoiding it, we're denying ourselves the chance to learn it.
This seems easy when written down but I know it's not. It took about 2 months before I set foot in a lift.
You can't avoid using the loo though but please understand, the more you can manage to do it, the more you'll kick this phobia in the face. Which is what it deserves.

If you can't do it, please do get yourself to the docs. A few paragraphs on a website are no replacement for therapy.

If your worried about opening the conversation with your GP then so what you have so bravely done here and write it down and show them. Or even print off your opening post here.

I am fine at home but at others houses I struggle. I have learned to line the toilet with paper to prevent noise. If needed I add another couple of sheets. I suffer with constipation and it's awful. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this.

Just saw your update. Well done!

update: I went!! I feel so much better now thank you all. I will read through the advice on therapy etc tomorrow, have screenshotted
shall I go and join best friend and guests or stay here now??

Definitely don't catch the poo in your hand, that's not a healthy strategy at all!