To be fucking sick of my toilet phobia. (tmi)

[fuckingshittoilets]

I'm currently sat in my best friends guest room on the verge of tears - I can't fucking do this.
I suffer from toilet phobia - the fear of going to a bathroom with other people in the house, or of other people knowing what i'm doing, etc.
I have held it in for two weeks now, and it's making me painfully constipated and i can barely fucking sit down or walk.
I always wait for DH to get out of the house to go, i haven't told him.
I have panic attacks over it. Toilet phobia is the bane of my existence.
My Best friends house has shitty paper thin walls and there are currently other guests over in the living room. I am bursting and my heart is pounding in anxiety.
it's humiliating and it started when I was in high school because of the girls in the bathroom pounding on the cubicle door, listening to you and making jokes etc
some days it honestly makes me want to kill myself, I wish there was more awareness.
I am a 37 year old woman. I want a DD but my mind is constantly taken up my fear of going to the toilet.
Some days I have considered asking for a fucking colostomy bag as I feel that would be better
I know that everybody does it, but that just makes it even worse. What in the fuck do i do now. Please help MN.

Well done op

So sorry you have this issue op. I’ve got a similar problem. I always carry ‘poo pourri’ spray with me. It really masks the smell, especially the black one. It was a life changer for me as I have ibs, and if I need to go, I need to go!! I can even go now if I’m out, and someone is waiting. It’s great stuff, worth a try? Hope you can get this sorted 💐

I hear you, these types of issues are the bane of my life, for me it's to do with not feeling safe unless I'm completely alone

Sounds like you suffer with shy bowel syndrome, there is a self help book about it on Amazon.
You can overcome it, good luck OP 💐

A couple of tips that may help. Buy some Airwick Vipoo Pre-Poo Toilet Spray and get a small wooden wedge to secure the door. This will alliviate a couple of concerns - the smell and being walked in on.

OP I think a trip to the GP and sorting out some therapy is essential.

But I have to say that after a dreadful day (almost typed crap), your reference to screenshotted and someone else suggesting you open up to the Dr have had me giggling and spluttering all the way to the end of the thread.

Hope you get over this and no iffence meant but I think this could go in classics

Ooh! I am a little bit like you, op, and have been all my life. I have been married twice, and was very ‘funny/odd’ about it with both husbands... until I had norovirus during a holiday with second Dh- I was so ill and weak that I truly didn’t care and he was so lovely cleaning me up (both ends😱)
I only ‘go’ at work if I’m beyond desperate and surprisingly it seems to be a female quirk - all the males at work make announcements, give descriptions etc...
If I’m due to stay at someone’s house now, I usually take a laxative the day before to save there being an issue... utter daftness I know!
Please try and overcome this, op, as humans, we really need to clear out our waste, hanging on to it makes you feel awful.
Wait til your dh goes out and settle down to enjoy it!
My sympathies x

I have Ibs so I get you in a lot of ways. I just have had to accept I will need the loo wherever I eat. I used to be very embarrassed about going at my friends but they know I have stomach issues and they do occasionally so it's not alien.
Perhaps, you could explain your problem with close friends and family, otherwise you are never going to enjoy going out to eat or going out at all.

www.amazon.co.uk/Overcome-Bowel-Syndrome-Parcopresis-Charge-ebook/dp/B01LWRT51J?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Rest assured that your GP will know exactly how you feel. It’s not uncommon. You really need some support with this. Please see your GP.

www1.racgp.org.au/newsgp/clinical/paruresis-and-parcopresis-how-gps-can-help

@fuckingshittoilets you have a recognised disorder, there is treatment for it,
Please see your GP, this can get better
Don’t allow it to rule your life
Best wishes

I was told that apparently the ladies in waiting to Royalty prep the loo by laying a sheet of loo paper or two (no more) over the surface of the water in the loo. This, combined with them washing their hands and using driers etc completely masks sounds.
I've no idea if it is true but no reason not to believe the person that told me. If you flush the loo, add the paper then go while the cistern is filling that too will mask the noise.

I’m like this too. I absolutely love an outside loo. No noise, smell or anything else to worry about ( even the cold and spiders are preferable to a dump in an ensuite).
My husband knows to go out out in the balcony or down to breakfast at 8am ,if we are close quarters.
I don’t poo at work or at other people’s. Someone at work today had left a really bad smell in the loo ( there’s two) . Horrible but everyone else then had to mention it in case anyone thought they had left it. Embarrassing all round. And yep I gerbits natural but it’s not pleasant. Feel for you IBS sufferers. .

You have described me.
I physically can't go in someone else's house or in a public toilet. I'm ok with going when DH or DS's are in the house, but can't go when DS's girlfriend is here. Or if we have guests. I feel like I can't even be me in my own home.
We once went camping and I needed to go all day and I set my alarm for 3am to use the public toilets on site. And some other woman must've done the same. I was just about to go and she came in. I couldn't go then. I legged it back to the tent. I tried the same the night after and it happened again. I held it in until we got home the following day.
Ive had diarrhoea before and felt like I urgently needed the toilet whilst out shopping. And had to hold it in and drive home.
It's terrifying.
And stupid.
But it's a real fear.
I'm with you op.
So glad you managed to go.
Well done

@BMW6

Oh, and well done, OP!

now somebody is having a fucking shower, just when I was mustering up the courage to go

Are you sure they're not having a poo?

This is so treatable with a decent CBT therapist, OP. Please get help, you don’t have to live like this .

In Japan, the public toilets have a built in sound system so that when you sit on it, a recorded sound of a flushing toilet plays so no-one can hear what you're doing. It seems the idea came about to save water, because the Japanese people would run the taps to hide the sound of the plops, hence wasting water. Shame we don't have the same here as it's obviously a world wide problem where (women especially) seem to have the fear of being heard shitting!

You poor poor women my heart is breaking for you, have you seen anyone to talk about this? I'd suggest putting a song on your mobile or run a tsp whilst you attempt to get some relief?

If I’m sharing a bathroom with someone else then I almost always time it so I poo just before a bath/shower. The sound can’t be heard over the water and there’s absolutely no smell at the end- even on the worst days!

Now you’ve done it once op, keep going- don’t fall back into old habits!

Another one here with similar but not so extreme issue. Been with husband now for 14 years and he still isn't allowed upstairs when I'm in the bathroom. And when we lived in a flat, if he came home before I got chance to poop after work then he would have to put his earphones and music in 😂

Do whatever works to make it better. But for now, toilet roll and a well time flush is your friend. Honestly, no-one is paying attention whilst they're socialising. Any music/TV in the background you can turn up sneakily maybe??

So sorry to hear this OP. I'm 41 and have had a fear of flooding toilets my entire life. It's not debilitating but makes my heart race and affects my life to some extent. Foreign toilets are nightmare.

In your situation I would definitely seek CBT. Poor you. x

I am sorry you are going through this
It's TRUE what everyone says, your gp wont dismiss this fear, phobias are better understood now and this one is making you I'll. In the meantime buy a bottle of poo poured, it works great, I always carry a bottle, as I have a fear of using other toilets and then that makes me want to go, pot pouring gives me a bit more confidence.

Poo Pourri