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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fucking sick of my toilet phobia. (tmi)

135 replies

fuckingshittoilets · 24/02/2020 20:44

I'm currently sat in my best friends guest room on the verge of tears - I can't fucking do this.
I suffer from toilet phobia - the fear of going to a bathroom with other people in the house, or of other people knowing what i'm doing, etc.
I have held it in for two weeks now, and it's making me painfully constipated and i can barely fucking sit down or walk.
I always wait for DH to get out of the house to go, i haven't told him.
I have panic attacks over it. Toilet phobia is the bane of my existence.
My Best friends house has shitty paper thin walls and there are currently other guests over in the living room. I am bursting and my heart is pounding in anxiety.
it's humiliating and it started when I was in high school because of the girls in the bathroom pounding on the cubicle door, listening to you and making jokes etc Sad
some days it honestly makes me want to kill myself, I wish there was more awareness.
I am a 37 year old woman. I want a DD but my mind is constantly taken up my fear of going to the toilet.
Some days I have considered asking for a fucking colostomy bag as I feel that would be better Sad
I know that everybody does it, but that just makes it even worse. What in the fuck do i do now. Please help MN. Sad

OP posts:
hardyloveit · 24/02/2020 21:02

Op I really sympathise with you. I to can't go in others houses or public toilets etc. Even with DH I have to run the shower! I've got better now S I got counselling for it and now I have my own toilet in the house and I'm comfortable in saying don't come upstairs! But it did take time. The doctor will 100% understand! Please make an appointment if you can as you will make yourself ill. I once ended up in a n e - that's when I knew it was out of control!

Right now put some tissue down the toilet and if it's a bathroom just say your going to have a bath or shower. Also that vip loo spray is actually pretty good!
Hope your okay!

Original poster
fuckingshittoilets · 24/02/2020 21:02

@Kwkwjwkek I hold it in for as long as possible, usually I ask DH if he can go buy something for me and go when he's out. I've never had accidents as thats a fear too Sad

OP posts:
SassenachWitch · 24/02/2020 21:04

I totally understand where you’re coming from.

I have the same phobia, I can’t use anyone else’s toilet, can’t go at work, won’t go on holiday and can’t go when my DP of 9 years is in the house.

People tell me it’s ridiculous, everyone does it etc but that doesn’t help me, I still can’t go.

I’m getting better and you know what it took to me get better, I had a few accidents. Seriously, rather than just go to the toilet in my own house, I held it that long that it happened anyway.

So I get how bad this is, I really do.

A few tips, tap on full, or shower, window open, toilet roll down first, maybe even play music on your phone, flush as soon as you’ve been, without wiping, then wipe, flush again, hang around washing your hands until the worst of the smell has gone, spray your perfume.

Good luck.

bigchris · 24/02/2020 21:04

Okay so you haven't been for 2 weeks and you feel ill?
Honeelty I'd go home

Think of the immediate problem, go home and do it in peace, then make it your aim to get help

Not going for 2 weeks must be awful, you'll end up in hospital Sad

Why are you Staying there so long anyway? Where is dh?

FoxEars · 24/02/2020 21:05

Oh love you.
That sounds horrendous and particularly uncomfortable.

There isn't much to say but a hand hold and definitely worth a trip to the drs.

I know you're feeling embarrassed, but honestly they've heard lots of things about people and they don't make judgements. Their job is to help you and make you feel better.

I have OCD and it's diagnosed. My trigger factors bring me such distress that I can't actually talk about them. However, I am gradually , gradually getting there. Slowly but surely.

And my point is that you will too. Eventually and with support.

Good luck and lots of unmumsnetty hugs to you op

💐

Xxx

Myneighboursnorlax · 24/02/2020 21:05

I know it won’t help you right now, but I have a similar anxiety, fuelled by the fact I have IBS, and I found telling people made it so much better. My friends now know not to follow me to the toilets whenever we’re out (e.g. “I’ll come too”) and know to turn the tv up loud if I disappear to the toilet at their house etc. It’s made life so easier.

For now I’d suggest going for a shower, or popping to the local supermarket (make up some excuse like needing tampons) and using the disabled toilet (I know, I know, but I think anxiety of this level is enough of a disability to allow it as a one off).

Alsoco · 24/02/2020 21:06

Toilet paper definitely will muffle the sound!

Therapy may be a good idea, I totally get the anxiety but if you keep holding it in you will do some long lasting damage that may we’ll end up with you needing a stoma. I know you think that’s a good option right now and I used to think the same but it’s 100% not. The bags can overflow without you noticing sometimes

Original poster
fuckingshittoilets · 24/02/2020 21:09

Thank you for the advice - @bigchris I went for a nice time with my best friend, I had a plan, to go at midnight. Had no idea that other guests would be there and that we'd be going shopping together Sad

OP posts:
justinjun · 24/02/2020 21:10

aww no

i hope this doesn't come across rude (TMI)
but
whenever i feel someone might hear me i open my bum cheeks with my hands and its always a "silent" fart.

Kimbaland · 24/02/2020 21:10

Flush before it hits the water. I used to worry so much about OH hearing me and that's the only way I could go

Original poster
fuckingshittoilets · 24/02/2020 21:10

what exactly will they do in therapy? i dont know what will help me at this point Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
fuckingshittoilets · 24/02/2020 21:12

now somebody is having a fucking shower, just when I was mustering up the courage to go. Sad

OP posts:
Mamathebest · 24/02/2020 21:12

Depending on what region you live in you may be able to self refer to IAPT. It’s a free NHS CBT service. Toilet phobias are really common and CBT can be very helpful. Could you google it for your area? If you can self refer you by pass speaking to a GP first.

Original poster
fuckingshittoilets · 24/02/2020 21:12

There are so many people that somebody is bound to walk in on me SadSad

OP posts:
bigchris · 24/02/2020 21:12
Sad

Have you been there for 2 weeks Sad

Can you go home or is it a long way Sad

I had this as a student , bathroom was by the kitchen so couldn't go

Ended up taking a morning walk every morning and going at the uni ladies

Had a boyfriend at a different uni and couldn't go for the whole weekend

DesLynamsMoustache · 24/02/2020 21:12

Oh OP, you're going to do yourself serious harm with this level of withholding, which will lead to way more embarrassing interventions than going to the loo in someone's house. It's really not a good thing for your body at all. Stick some loo roll down to disguise any plops, run a tap, and give yourself some relief! If everyone is chatting, no one is going to be hearing any noises from the toilet.

Original poster
fuckingshittoilets · 24/02/2020 21:14

@mamathebest I don't live in the UK anymore, me and DH moved to abroad last year. It's been a fucking nightmare with the toilets, they clog so easily Sad

OP posts:
bigchris · 24/02/2020 21:14

Also can't share hotel rooms with anyone other than dh for this reason!

DesLynamsMoustache · 24/02/2020 21:14

And yes, please contact your GP. This isn't right, you know that Thanks They won't think it's silly or laugh at you, they'll just want to help.

HappyHammy · 24/02/2020 21:16

They will talk to you, you will be able to get your anxiety out in the open, it goes back to being teased at school, it's become a phobia for you. Perhaps you will be able to talk to your dh about this as well when you feel ready. For now you need to try and find a way to go without being frightened, run the tap, play music, lock the door, open a window, talk to your friend, you dont need to be in discomfort.

Original poster
fuckingshittoilets · 24/02/2020 21:16

@bigchris it's about an hours car drive from her house to mine Sad I came to her house on Friday, didn't know guests would be here today Sad

OP posts:
IamRhubarbBikini · 24/02/2020 21:16

now somebody is having a fucking shower, just when I was mustering up the courage to go

That’s perfect, when they come out just say something like “right, think I’m going to grab a quick shower” and then you can poop whilst the shower is running.

Mumof1andacat · 24/02/2020 21:16

This is a real phobia. I worked with a team of child psychologists and we had a lot children with it. Counselling and cbt therapy will give you lots of ways to manage your anxiety around your phobia. It's not a quick fix but you will feel better with help.

AnneTwacky · 24/02/2020 21:16

I would go to the gp to get help.

I had therapy for cleithrophobia as it was impacting my life. Mainly this was getting in lifts, but another part was using public loos, particularly locking the doors.
Nobody was judgemental.

We just had a few sessions of chatting about how phobias worked and about how safety behaviours are not as helpful as they appear.

We then graduated to watching clips of lifts on you tube then finally went out and got in lifts, locked cubicles etc.

It was challenging at times but definitely worth it. I'm a lot better now.

Hope you're feeling better soon.

Curiosity101 · 24/02/2020 21:16

There are so many people that somebody is bound to walk in on me

Do they not have a lock on the bathroom door? I don't have a toilet phobia and that freaks me out when I go to other people's houses and they don't have a lock on the bathroom.

This makes the shower plan the best idea then - you can announce to the group that you're going to jump in the shower after the person who's currently in there? And then remind them again once you go. Then wedge something under the door as an extra measure.