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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is it my fault I scratched my car?

252 replies

HadToWreckMyCar · 24/02/2020 16:53

So I’m in a situation where I scratched my car whilst driving, but wasn’t really given another choice (there was one other choice but it would’ve been a nightmare). I’m wondering who you would hold at fault for this?

I have a diagram, I’m uploading from a phone (please excuse the scribbles my toddler grabbed the pen 😂)

Is it my fault I scratched my car?
OP posts:
DisorganisedOrganiser · 24/02/2020 18:45

So given that OP has already said reversing was not an option as there was no space and about 20 cars behind her backing up onto a main road... she was just meant to sit there? Indefinitely?! The police would not come out for something like that for possibly an hour or more. Plus who knows when the badly parked car would come back. At some point there would have been a crash.

Eckhart · 24/02/2020 18:50

People saying that others will move have clearly never driven round where I live at school run time! No way would people have waited too

What do people do down your way then, when a vehicle obstructs the road? Do they drive through it?

DisorganisedOrganiser · 24/02/2020 18:52

Well usually the traffic builds up to the point there is no space to manoeuvre, people try and then eventually there is a bump. Happens all the time!

NeverTwerkNaked · 24/02/2020 18:58

This is why I park 10 mins walk from school and walk the final bit, to avoid getting caught up in all the chaos! Half the people fighting to park near the school live less than 10 mins walk away.

I can sympathize with the decision you made op, but you can't blame anyone else for it either.

BoomBoomsCousin · 24/02/2020 18:59

At some point there would have been a crash.

Only if someone did something they shouldn't have. As it was there was a crash - the OP crashed into the post scratching her car because she wasn't prepared to stick to her guns and refuse to drive in a way that she knew was going to damage her car.

Ideally she would have gotten out, talked to the first 5 odd cars behind her and got them to back up the few inches each that they could so she could reverse out and unblock the road. But even if she had just sat there, these sorts of jams resolve themselves as the rush hour pressure eases.

What tends to happen (providing no one drives in a way that damages anyone or anything) is that eventually, someone who has left just a little bit more room in front of them turns out and U-turns or overtakes the standstill traffic freeing up some space to enable more cars to maneuver. Or the people at the back of the queue go in a different direction. Not turning down the street the OP was on, but driving straight past, for instance. Then the car at the end of the street gets an opportunity to back up a touch and drive off, then the car that had been just in front of them, and so on until the OP can back up. It may take 30+ mins, but all the cars eventually get away without anyone damaging their car.

HadToWreckMyCar · 24/02/2020 19:00

I mean I could’ve waited but they definitely didn’t turn up for at least another 30mins

Can you imagine stationary school run traffic after 30 minutes Blush

OP posts:
AlexaAmbidextra · 24/02/2020 19:02

Can you imagine stationary school run traffic after 30 minutes blush

But that wouldn’t have been your problem would it? Would you knowingly run over a pedestrian so as not to inconvenience other drivers? 🙄

Eckhart · 24/02/2020 19:03

OP could not be held responsible for other drivers deciding to crash into each other. OP is responsible for crashing her car into something. She should have waited indefinitely, yes. And got out of her car to explain to the next couple of drivers behind what the problem was. And waved to everybody to move back, and put her reverse lights on. What would the other drivers have done if she'd gone straight into the bollard? Killed her? Waited for the rest of their lives? Pushed her car away sideways?

HadToWreckMyCar · 24/02/2020 19:03

I definitely don’t make a habit of crushing my car through gaps 😂 I really did feel utterly stuck

The wrath of school mums is a scary thing BlushGrin

OP posts:
HadToWreckMyCar · 24/02/2020 19:05

But that wouldn’t have been your problem would it?

But unfortunately like myself, noone could see the blue car so it definitely looked like my problem to a lot of people Blush

OP posts:
HadToWreckMyCar · 24/02/2020 19:05

I think I’d have been braver if people could see the blue obstruction 🙈 then at least they’d go “oh she can’t move” and not “why is this silly bitch just sat in the middle of the road”

OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 24/02/2020 19:07

OP I totally get it. I'm sorry this happened to you
The logical, clear-sighted part of me (which I hope I am most of the time) agrees fully about waiting, and if chaos ensues, so be it - nothing you can do.

However a few months ago I was in a very similar situation & I too drove into a space that was too tight. I didn't quite do it intentionally but the panic I felt, and embarrassment & just wanting to exit the whole thing, meant I caught my 1-year old car on a post/wall, significantly scraping my car - €1k worth of damage it turns out - and I was just mortified about being so foolish. I still am!

I haven't been able to afford to fix it yet.

It's a crap feeling & I was really beating myself up.

Mistakes happen, and all you & I can do OP is be glad we didn't damage anyone else's car (& learn to not be as easily embarrassed I guess 🤷🏻‍♀️)

Vanhi · 24/02/2020 19:08

Plus who knows when the badly parked car would come back.

The badly parked car wasn't moving at all, that was the problem. Its driver needed to return. Might seem like a small point but too often we refer to cars as if they're driverless. They're not, and it's drivers that cause the problems.

I keep the speeds limits but I always get chased by some arshole making me go like 35 in 30 and regretting it immediately.

They're not making you, you are choosing to because you feel intimidated. Drive below the limit and at the speed you feel is safe. On faster roads where you are well below the limit feel free to pull over from time to time and let the arseholes past. But if you're doing 28 in a 30 zone they can drive behind you and deal with the fact you're not breaking the law.

Eckhart · 24/02/2020 19:10

That's why it's a good idea to talk to the driver behind, OP. If they understand why and how you're stuck, they'll help you get unstuck because their priority is to get moving.

Raindropsandspaceships · 24/02/2020 19:10

Errr.. Reverse out.. Literally the only good option!

Fairenuff · 24/02/2020 19:14

at least they’d go “oh she can’t move” and not “why is this silly bitch just sat in the middle of the road

You have to stop caring about what other drivers think and just be a safe driver yourself. Imagine if the post/wall had been a child. You wouldn't have risked driving into them would you.

Honeyroar · 24/02/2020 19:16

You keep saying that you would’ve caused mayhem if you’d not turned in and scratched your car, but it was the other car blocking the entry way that was causing the mayhem, not you.. If the other cars behind you couldn’t have reversed to let you back up I’d have sat there until the car’s owner came back and if anybody beeped I’d have shrugged and said it’s the car owner that blocked the way’s fault.

bridgetreilly · 24/02/2020 19:16

You have to stop caring about what other drivers think and just be a safe driver yourself.

This. So much this. It doesn't matter if there are people stuck behind you. They can't go faster than the car in front, and you're in front.

MissChardonnay · 24/02/2020 19:20

I can see why you did it in the panic of the moment but I'd have caused bedlam instead - people will have forgotten within five mins.

I've been a passenger in hgv's before and they regularly encounter this sort of thing - unmarked low bridges and roadworks etc. They just get out and explain to the person behind. Most people behind then get the picture when they are you trying to reverse.

MissChardonnay · 24/02/2020 19:20

'when they see you' I meant.

DisorganisedOrganiser · 24/02/2020 19:21

It’s not just the people behind her though. It was school run time. That means lots of kids left without parents to pick them up, maybe for over half an hour, even an hour, school staff stuck with those kids who can’t go and get their own kids etc.

Plus of course if it was another car or a child the decision is easy. It was a post so not so easy.

bridgetreilly · 24/02/2020 19:25

It’s not just the people behind her though. It was school run time. That means lots of kids left without parents to pick them up, maybe for over half an hour, even an hour, school staff stuck with those kids who can’t go and get their own kids etc.

Indeed. But that is not the OPs fault, it is the fault of the person who parked the blue car blocking the drive.

Honeyroar · 24/02/2020 19:31

Of course it’s easy! You can guarantee that those parents sat behind wouldn’t scratch their cars to help you. Quite rightly! Most of them probably drove past saying “that woman just scratched her car, silly thing, surely she could tell it was too narrow!”

TheGirlWhoLived · 24/02/2020 19:33

There is absolutely no doubt that I would have done the same op, and live in fear of this happening to me!! I once saw a video of a car getting to the end of a motorway getting-on-road and nobody lets it in so it just stops Grin

That would also be me

HunterHearstHelmsley · 24/02/2020 19:33

I have a similar problem virtually every day. Some idiot parks right on the junction at the end of my road. Oftentimes I am waiting to turn in and someone is waiting to turn out. I block the road until I can safely make the manoeuvre. Lots of beeping but not a lot I can do about it. I'm not going to damage my car because of someone else's bad parking or because they beep at me.