Is it my fault I scratched my car?

[HadToWreckMyCar]

So I’m in a situation where I scratched my car whilst driving, but wasn’t really given another choice (there was one other choice but it would’ve been a nightmare). I’m wondering who you would hold at fault for this?

I have a diagram, I’m uploading from a phone (please excuse the scribbles my toddler grabbed the pen 😂)

So basically you cut the corner as if your diagram makes sense the other car is half way across the road otherwise how did it end up like that. If you don’t have the calls to get out and explain to people behind you don’t drive a car

Hopefully I can clear some things up 😂 so at this point I’m totally happy to accept that I could’ve waited and tried to get everyone to reverse back, I originally felt like it wasn’t something everyone would do and have found comfort in the responses saying otherwise

I really don’t need top up driving lessons I was stationary and intentionally made the decision which in hindsight was to sacrifice my paint work to save a lot of people a lot of problems. I can see that the “proper” thing to have done would’ve been to cause the issues but I don’t think choosing to scratch the paint on my car makes me a bad driver 😂

The guy in the blue car was parked and not in it, the car was not visible before turning in due to the lay out of the car park/walls. But it was visible once I had partially turned, which was my “oh shit he’s in the way” moment.

I didn’t cut the corner I’ve just drew my diagram really shit sorry 😂😂 if I feel brave enough I’ll try it again but better and with less toddler art

So I posted on AIBU knowing there would be a flaming whether I was right or wrong. I name changed for this coz I’ve spoke about it in real life but I’ve been around a while so I do know it’s a harsh part of MN

But.... You big wet lettuce. Get some assertiveness training ASAP.

It’s worth pointing out that people on here are still REAL people. And there’s just no need to be that way Your nasty comment could always be the one to tip someone over the edge, it’s not too hard to be kind I promise

Also I’m pretty sure it’s not that I’m not assertive (believe me if you met me, I wouldn’t back down to you calling me out 😂), but more so that due to life events I’ve now got a bad habit of putting everyone else first. So in my head I thought “it’s only paint, it will fix just do it”. It’s been nice to hear people on here clarify that my car deserves not to be scratched just as much as anyone else’s and that it shouldn’t have been an option for me

(Light bulb moment for me I think!)

No op... im sorry but you’re absolutely wrong!!

The lightbulb moment should not be “oh look what I did wrong”

You do you. Then you’ll never go wrong. Scratched paintwork is just pain, but changing your mental attitude JUST because some people on the internet told you so? That is SO much more damaging.

Scratch your car, own it, maybe do it again next time, maybe not. But that was the decision you made, own it and fly with it, you don’t have to answer to anybody!

Op @HadToWreckMyCar thank you for sharing this story.

Firstly, to all the MN'ers who think it's ok to verbally abuse someone who clearly shows confidence issues. It's nice to see who the playground bullies grew up to be.

OP, I think you worry too much about other people that you'll never meet - including folk on here.

You scratched your paintwork to avoid any confrontation or difficulty with folk behind you. That's something I can totally understand - because if you're a confrontation avoider then you'll do ANYTHING to get out of challenging someone else etc.

The key as others have said, is to breathe and think "what do I need, and how can I quietly and confidently do it".

If that means reversing a tiny bit to show intent, and then others beep at you? fuck them! They're not you and they can't see what obstruction you can see.

You should have reversed out and parked on the other side of the wall from the blue car.

I'm sorry but you would not have needed to ask 20 cars to reverse. Just the one behind you who should have not gotten that close and then each car would have taken responsibility for its own reversing. There are space either sides of cars in lanes - the cars could have moved into angles in the lanes to make more space ie what happens when ambulances try to get past. Sorry you scratched your car it would have been stressful with people behind - worth considering you choose to damage your vehicle rather than get out and tell the person behind you can't fit and something else needs to change because you are no way damaging your car.

It’s worth pointing out that people on here are still REAL people. And there’s just no need to be that way hmm Your nasty comment could always be the one to tip someone over the edge, it’s not too hard to be kind I promise

OP whilst some of the comments on here have been harsh and whilst I agree it's better to be polite, I don't think that comment deserves any particular ire. 'Wet lettuce' is a slightly affectionate way of telling someone they could be a bit more assertive and looking at your reply, I'd say we differ on what assertiveness means. Part of it is about prioritising your needs rather than always giving in to other people's.

A few people have asked but you haven't answered

Did any other cars drive into the car park after you and did they scratch their cars?

I won't rest until I know

The cars would not have had to reverse.
The traffic in the road was in a slowly moving queue. If the op had started to reverse out, showing her intention to rejoin the traffic, the car immediately behind her could have moved up with the traffic queue, but the one that one behind could have remained stationary, giving a car lengths space to reverse out into. As the traffic was so slow moving, I think the op could also have got out of her car and spoken to the two cars behind her, explaining the situation and telling them her intention.

A few people have asked but you haven't answered

Did any other cars drive into the car park after you and did they scratch their cars?

I think the OP did answer that, I think she said the other cars were all heading forwards towards the school- only the OP was going into the car park.

*A few people have asked but you haven't answered

Did any other cars drive into the car park after you and did they scratch their cars?*

They were all going forward towards the school, the other Lane was driving away from the school and the car park was non-school related

Thank you all for your comments I appreciate them

Although if someone called me a wet lettuce to my face i don’t think I would take it affectionately in any way 😂 Could be a regional thing mind

And there was cars lining both sides of the road creating essentially a 1 way street with no ability to pull over to the side/wall and let people through. Not trying to drip feed sorry!

Just imagine an insanely busy school run with no wiggle room because the parents are very impatient to move forward even an inch 🙈 Also it’s rural if that makes a difference? Not sure if city roads are wider 😂

I once did very much the same in a crowded underground car park so I very much remember the fear and panic that led me to take a stupid decision with hindsight. I also had to sit for ages to calm down -might have had a little cry-

If it helps to steel your nerve if you ever find yourself in such a situation again, remember that the drivers behind you should not be stopped so close that there is no room for manoeuvre at all so if the have to inch back that's their lookout -

Rule 151 of the Highway Code:

"leave enough space to be able to manoeuvre if the vehicle in front breaks down or an emergency vehicle needs to get past"

I find that knowing the rules really helps reassure me in these situations.

I'm really sorry about your car

OP I feel for you. I don't understand why people are bring safety into it. Who exactly was in danger by the OP's actions other than a bollard? I think this comes down to selfish drivers Vs unselfish drivers if I'm honest, NOT safe drivers Vs unsafe drivers. I see time and time again that drivers would rather inconvenience other people rather than themselves for situations that they have got themselves in.

For example, drivers who are in the wrong lane of a roundabout, and proceed to indicate and hold up the drivers behind them to get into the right lane, in gridlocked traffic, no matter how long it takes them. If that's me and it's my mistake, I would go round the roundabout or go down the wrong route and add whatever amount of time onto my journey to rectify by mistake, rather than expect other drivers to be inconvenienced. Unfortunately most people out there wouldn't give a shit, and it seems like a lot of them are on this thread.

OP, bottom line, you're a considerate person and the vast majority of people can't relate to that, because they're not.

I don't understand why people are bring safety into it. Who exactly was in danger by the OP's actions other than a bollard?

I think people are trying to make the point that if the bollard was a person, or another car, then OP wouldn't have been able to just drive past and damage her paintwork. She'd have had no choice but to stop and reverse or manoeuvre her car so that she didn't hit the obstacle.

And what if your unkind comment about me 'tipping people over the edge' has tipped me over the edge? What then?

I would have waited

Also it’s rural if that makes a difference? Not sure if city roads are wider

People are really surprised and a bit discomforted by the width of the roads in the rural area I'm in. The towns and villages are usually OK but the B roads and indeed some of the A roads have lanes only just wide enough for a car. That means if something wider is coming the other way you're scraping along the hedge. You get used to it but I find it quite funny that people are assuming there was room for drivers to angle their cars to create more space - sometimes there really isn't.

OP you've had a million people tell you the same thing so there's no need to pile onto you.

I get why you did what you did and yes it was your choice but the real jerk is the one in the blue car.

That said I would have had no hesitation in waiting, plonking hazards on and reverse lights and waiting for someone to move. Would get out of the car and explain the situation if needed. If people are angry, so what, you're not the one causing the problem. And ultimately it's in their interest to move so you can get out of their way.

You have to have a thick skin, I drive a horse box so there are times that I have to sit and wait on the road because I can't go until it is clear. At times it makes me feel a bit flustered and uncomfortable, but you have to let it wash over you and just know you're not in the wrong.

OP I feel for you. It's all very well people saying just make people wait, the highway code says etc etc, but we all know that in reality you'd have had people aggressively telling you what a useless woman driver you are, calling you a fucking bitch and worse because I think a significant minority of people are like that these days (particularly on the school run when normal behaviour seems to go out the window).

I hate the scenes outside schools. The people parking can be unusually dickish. Some only have eyes for their own kids and think getting their own kids to school has priority over everyone else.

As a non-confrontational person like OP I park further away and walk with the children to school (primary) and now I tell them to meet me in a spot 5 minutes away from the school (secondary).

The other cars should not squeeze right up behind you! It is a type of bullying. They are not more important than you. The blue car was at fault but so were the pushy cars behind you.

Sorry about your scratch OP.

OP I feel for you. I don't understand why people are bring safety into it. Who exactly was in danger by the OP's actions other than a bollard?

Yes, it was a bollard and no, nobody was harmed, this time. However, OP has admitted to panicking which imo, is not a good thing when in charge of a ton or so of metal. Also I really would question her judgement as she felt that colliding with a bollard and knowingly damaging her car was preferable to just waiting until her path was clear. Those two aspects cause me to conclude that she is probably an unsafe driver.

One final question OP. Are you going to claim the scratch on your insurance? 👀👀