To ask you if you have a real life crush on anyone?

[Rainbowb]

And would you do anything if you could completely get away with it?! Mine is my daughter’s swimming teacher, he has the sexiest smile and is so good with the kids. Totally gives me the flutters but I’m guessing he’s not into overweight bespectacled women in their forties!

Toms for all occasions:

#fitnessTom: at the gym or out running, this Tom will get you hot and sweaty

#workTom: good looking guy who works in another department. Close enough to go and ogle when you're bored, distant enough not to be a distraction

#teacherTom: could be your child's teacher, could be an instructor or lecturer. An expert in his subject, firm but fair. Is he being nice as part of his job or is that twinkle in his eye just for you?

#geekTom: can be a sub-species of #teacherTom. Has his own lightsabre and hobbit. Easily startled. Takes a while to make his move - he'll get back to you in a couple of years.

#practicalTom: could be a postman, tradesman, barista or a baker who gives out free cakes. Paul Hollywood without the gut and the smut.

#randombodypartTom: could be his arms, could be his eyelashes must remind self to stop looking at his bum

#regionalTom: the accent is fatal. Could listen to it all day.

#militantTom: aka student leftie. Ideal if you're into long, late-night rants.

#regionalTom

It’s all about the accent

#internationalTom is even better

French and Italian Toms can get away with a lot as long as they have that accent.

sucking that’s a magnificent summary!

Fuck sake. If this stupid virus means no Tom for two weeks then I’m going to kick off! Although...I think he skypes his lessons...

Imagine if you had to self isolate for 2 weeks with Tom though? I bet the sad truth is, that this thread would die a death when we discovered their massive lists of imperfections. Imagine if one of these Toms turned out to be a toilet roll panic buyer!!

#SelfIsolationTom

Confession time: I have thought about being quarantined with my Tom.

It wouldn't be boring at all. His brain is fascinating and so are, erm, other bits of him.

I'm. My daughter is 10 and has a crush on a guy who works in a local restaurant. And now I do too.
He's kind and funny, and makes a point of making her feel special when we go in.
So now I just sit there and try not to turn into a blithering idiot.
He's got long hair, tattoos, piercings and is young enough to be my son.
I'm married and he has a very lovely girlfriend who is also kind and funny. They foster animals, do loads of charity stuff and are hardworking, genuinely nice people ( not just a "working in hospitality facade").

I haven't mentioned to DD that I'm quite happy to go to this particular eatery at any time.

I guess if you spent two weeks non-stop shagging then there wouldn’t be the time to get irritated with their imperfections.

And I really REALLY could spend 2 weeks non-stop shagging Tom.

#TwoWeekWeightLossPlanTom

Two weeks, you say? Non-stop?!!

Hang on a minute. If you're quarantined its because you have symptoms of the virus, right? As in snot, coughing, aches and pains, squits?

Not exactly an optimal shagging scenario, is it?

#germyTom

This thread makes me miss my Tom. My highly inappropriate and really quite dodgy crush from 10 years ago. I always wonder what I'd do if I bumped into him in the street and then I remember I'm now a knackered and slightly overweight mum so I'd hide behind the buggy until he's gone. Bye Tom.

I’ve been isolated with a cough and, it’s ok everyone, I will take one for the team and keep Justin trudeau company in his isolation.

#ShagHimInAnyConditionTom

Mercedes sorry to hear you’re in isolation. I hope it all passes ok!

Ah thanks Soapy. It’s not corona but an awful cough that in the current climate just means not being able to go into the office or very much, but the plus side is the box set bingeing. The Split, Fleabag and now rewatching The Musketeers :-)

@MercedesDeMonteChristo

Trudeau's wife has the virus. Was that your dong?

Get well soon!

Oh my goodness.

I meant DOING.

-NOT- repeat -NOT-

dong

Yes!!!!! I have a legit excuse to email my tom!!!

Hooray for legitimate e-mails!

Keep us posted. You might turn out to be his Molly.

Hmm. Have given up on #backupcrush after abortive attempt at talking

Need cheering up. Will see if I can find some new Toms. Was in Camden last night and there were potential Toms everywhere. Need a plan, a spreadsheet and schedule to keep track.

#Thisisbusiness

Oh no! Why was the talking abortive? Could he not manage it?

I also need a new Tom. My current Tom is a bit too young geeky for me.

@Sucking

He was busy, working. Only asked him how he was.

Then he got embarrassed and I said it was ok, I was just saying hi and asking hw he was.

F**king hard work, this one. Think he is keeping me so the work because he is just a big bag of emptiness and I will see it.

#notbitterjustunderwhelmed

#nosocialskillsTom

Keeping me doing the work

Oh no! The #geekToms aren't big bags of emptiness, I'm sure.

They are full of THOUGHTS and tragically they can't get the thoughts out. Mine has social skills but you can tell he has tried to learn them in the same way as he's learned about his specialist field. He comes across as a shy guy making an effort. Maybe he could start a workshop for other #geekToms?

Also, the #geekTom may be thinking furiously about you but he's too shy to do anything about it. If so, you'll get a message from him in 6 months.

I have another Tom for the spreadsheet, also a #teacherTom.

He has a nice personality and good social skills but the presence of a man bun rules him out. #manbunTom

@SuckingDieselFella

I don't know. I'm beginning to think they created this whole 'I can't express my thoughts shit' as a front so we would fill in the gaps not because they are too shy but because it's just not there with them.

#disillusionedwithallToms

How f++king hard is it to answer 'how are you?'

6 months at this rate? If coronavirus hasn't taught Tom to seize the day, nothing will.

It was two years before my #exTom could say hello but I think he has major social anxiety issues. 'How are you?' was more than he could cope with. He still has trouble getting the right words out but very chatty in writing.

Does he have your number? E-mail? He might get in touch and ask if you want to go into quarantine with him.