To think It odd that I'm asked to bring my own food when invited to dinner with MIL?

[nocciola]

Just to be clear, I dont mind per se, it's just seems odd!
My MIL invited us to christmas dinner at their new house, then about a week before she asked if I would bring something for me for the meal- I'm a vegetarian, always have been and she's known me for 20 years. I said, sure thing and brought my dinner with me- I figured she was stressed with new house and Christmas dinner prep- so no biggie. The thing is she invited us again this weekend and again asked if I would bring something for me, thought nothing much of it until now really. Looking back it seems a bit off. I got there and there were only enough plates for 4 not 5 of us and then same thing when it came to dessert. This hasn't happened before and later she made a comment about needing to see my OH and DS but obviously not me. All in all I'm feeling a bit crap now, especially as we have been supporting them right through the move....AIBU? Advice please?

So she makes food for everyone else but you ? I’d be getting your dh to have a word with her about that it’s not on

Next visit text her and request she brings HER own...

When did your bloke say?

I can understand not providing a veggie main, although it's not great hospitality. But not setting you out a dessert? Fuck that noise. I'd be cutting back on the supporting!

No dinner at Christmas unless you take your own, and the next visit you take your dinner but don't get a plate. I predict that next time - if there is one - you won't get dinner, a plate, or a chair... Time for your DH to have words with his mother.

Is she not providing the meal accompaniments and you just say the quorn or soya element?

Is she showing any other signs of different behaviour. Seems very odd not to have a plate for you and to say she only wanted to see OH and DS.

Did your OH say anything to her?

For Christ's sake, can't she do a quick spicy tomato penne for you or something?

Seems like she's either trying to make a statement about vegetarianism, or her disdain for you.

Wow, that’s pretty passive-aggressive. You could (at a massive stretch) sort of understand not having a plate out for your main, if she thought you were bringing your veggie main all plated up (though I’d still expect her to have had everything else ready for you except the meat replacement element). But unless she’s made candied lamb’s liver for dessert, why on earth wouldn’t she be expecting you to have the same sweet as everyone else? Did you ask her why she hadn’t laid a place for you? Did your OH not comment to his mother? I’d have been fuming, and so would my husband.

You’re still worrying about Christmas dinner at the end of February?

Have you had a problem with food before? Not enough veggie options or something?

This hasn't happened before and later she made a comment about needing to see my OH and DS but obviously not me.

Is DS a baby? Does she think you don’t let her near him?

Just thinking out loud I suppose!

What does your DH say? Didn't you say anything to her? I'd wait for the next invitation and tell DH to go with the DCs and stay away and have a day for yourself.

PotteringAlong no, the MIL's behaviour at the weekend has prompted the OP to remember that the same thing happened at Christmas and therefore a pattern of behaviour seems to be developing 🙄

That's harsh OP. What does DH say?

It's not normal for the plates incident to pass unmentioned.

I'm veggy and I don't expect people to cook for me. It would mean cooking two dishes if she's not comfortable serving veggy food for everyone.

Your DH needs to call her out on this. Does he not have a tongue in his head.

I can understand Christmas dinner - it's a pain when you're cooking a big meal, and the oven is full, to have one person wanting a different menu from everyone else. Anyway, if you don't feel her hospitality is up to scratch - don't go. You're not the one she wants to see!

It is a bit crap. DH's family are vegetarian (except him) and I always make veggie meals when they come to stay. Same with my parents, who recently turned veggie. It's not hard to find recipes or to make a veggie lasagne or something. I'd be mortified to ask someone to bring their own food when I was hosting, unless they had extreme dietary restrictions.

Is it a generational thing?? My mum's meal plan for the week is meat, a form of potato and two veg pretty much everynight. She doesn't know what to do for DH so we bring / cook our own when we are there.

I guess be kind week is over then, Pottering. It's happened again.

I don't think it's any more unreasonable for her to ask you to bring something than it is for you to expect her to cook something just for you (and I'm vegan). Cooking a roast is more than enough to be doing without having to make an alternative too, but she should set a place for you!

How very rude of her OP.

Clearly she doesn't wish to host you.

Now you know.

We often take food for our vegetarian daughter if going to friends or ask her to bring something if I’ve been working and she’s coming for the weekend.
However this is new behaviour and not having plates out is a bit odd - unless she assumed you’d bring your food on a plate.
If you’ve known her twenty years, can’t you just ask her about it?

She's making a point that she can't be bothered accommodating your food preferences, extremely passive aggressive of her.

Does she visit you? If so, play her at her own game and tell her to bring her own food, only provide plates for yourself children & DH. Drop into the conversation phrases such as "What's good to give, isn't bad to get". Sit back and wait for it all to hit the fan.

If it's always you who visit them, next time take a picnic hamper of all the childrens' favourites, and serve it out just before she serves her meal.