To think It odd that I'm asked to bring my own food when invited to dinner with MIL?

[nocciola]

Just to be clear, I dont mind per se, it's just seems odd!
My MIL invited us to christmas dinner at their new house, then about a week before she asked if I would bring something for me for the meal- I'm a vegetarian, always have been and she's known me for 20 years. I said, sure thing and brought my dinner with me- I figured she was stressed with new house and Christmas dinner prep- so no biggie. The thing is she invited us again this weekend and again asked if I would bring something for me, thought nothing much of it until now really. Looking back it seems a bit off. I got there and there were only enough plates for 4 not 5 of us and then same thing when it came to dessert. This hasn't happened before and later she made a comment about needing to see my OH and DS but obviously not me. All in all I'm feeling a bit crap now, especially as we have been supporting them right through the move....AIBU? Advice please?

Why the Jeff does the DH have to ask his parents ?

OP has known them 20 years ! She is a long term family member and I presume an adult who can converse .

I do not drink alcohol.
My parents do no drink alcohol

All by choice not religion.

My DH (who I have known over 35 years ) does .

No bloody way would I ask my parents "Oh can X have some beer " ?
He can ask himself . My Dad would buy some when he shops (if he knows what to buy )

All this What dies your DH say does my bloody head in

She didn't even put out a plate for you on the table - am I reading that right? That's so rude. I'd also be interested to hear what your husband's reaction was on these occasions.

What did your husband say OP. These are 2 occasions and I'm assuming you've mentioned it to him before posting on here?

What did he say? Does he have your back?

What is your relationship like with your MIL in general? Is your son a teenager? If she now lives near you maybe she thinks she can just have a direct relationship with son and grandson and doesn't need to be bothered with you anymore?

I think this is phenomenally rude. You either host properly or you don’t bother hosting. Buying a quorn fillet or a prepared nut roast is not rocket science and things like that are easily available and integrated into a main meal. My DD is a vegetarian and if we have curry she has a curry but with quorn or chickpeas. If we have pizza she has a vegetable pizza. It’s not hard and it’s one extra pot to wash. I don’t think OP is expecting a 7 course vegetarian tasting menu, but doing a roast makes it exceptionally easy to cater for vegetarians, since the vast majority of it is vegetables - I think you’re right, it does seem like she’s making some weird, passive aggressive point.

Just sat down with OH to ask if he'd noticed. He did, he told me he had already spoken with MIL who said she'd thought she had enough plates out - I think it was perhaps a genuine error- as I said nothing has happened like this until they moved closer to us. I think the combination of bringing a veggie dish and having no plate followed by the strange 'we dont need to see you' is perhaps the stress of their move over here and I'm going to treat it as such. Thank you for your thoughts, I really appreciate them- it's good to get other people's perspectives.

Not quite sure why 'we don't need to see you' would be brought on by stress of the move, or do you think she is suggesting that if you don't want to go over there you don't have to as now they live closer. Did your DH ask about that comment?

Might be an idea to keep an eye to see whether her behaviour is getting slightly erratic.

I would assume that she was becoming forgetful if this is out of character.

I'd keep a close eye on her. Not getting the right number of plates out but thinking you had sounds odd to me.

I don't think that it's personal.

OP I haven't RTFT but I had to comment because your MIL could be mine. I'm vegetarian, have been for over 25 years and I've known her for 13 of those. I've always had to take my own food, my DH and I have tried to get through to her and FIL but no joy. One Christmas we forgot and they gave me a WeightWatchers microwave meal, and only cooked enough veg for themselves and DH! The story is legendary in my family but I really don't know what goes through their minds when they invite us for dinner!

later she made a comment about needing to see my OH and DS but obviously not me

What did she actually say? Some context would be helpful in order to try to judge what's going on.

Glad your DH has raised this with your MIL. Hope it was a genuine mistake.

If not, I think this suggesting from CheckingforBallons is very funny:

arrive with a large wicker hamper, then whip out a very fancy plate and cutlery, candlestick, napkin and so on. Small bottle of champagne and a single glass too perhaps?

The "don't need to see you" comment does sound quite hurtful, though it may be that she just didn't think how it would come across and meant it innocently enough.

Could she have the impression that you've felt they were needing too much of your time and support during their move? If so, it could be that she genuinely wants you to know that you shouldn't feel you have to come around every time, or this could be a passive aggressive point-scoring move.