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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think It odd that I'm asked to bring my own food when invited to dinner with MIL?

112 replies

nocciola · 23/02/2020 16:40

Just to be clear, I dont mind per se, it's just seems odd!
My MIL invited us to christmas dinner at their new house, then about a week before she asked if I would bring something for me for the meal- I'm a vegetarian, always have been and she's known me for 20 years. I said, sure thing and brought my dinner with me- I figured she was stressed with new house and Christmas dinner prep- so no biggie. The thing is she invited us again this weekend and again asked if I would bring something for me, thought nothing much of it until now really. Looking back it seems a bit off. I got there and there were only enough plates for 4 not 5 of us and then same thing when it came to dessert. This hasn't happened before and later she made a comment about needing to see my OH and DS but obviously not me. All in all I'm feeling a bit crap now, especially as we have been supporting them right through the move....AIBU? Advice please?

OP posts:
MyDcAreMarvel · 23/02/2020 17:45

I've always said I'm happy to just have the veg and no need to make anything for me etc
In that case Yanbu and she is just being rude/odd.

ChikiTIKI · 23/02/2020 17:46

Hmm yeah I think that's not on really. Maybe next time ask what she is cooking and say you will just have the veg?

So she didn't even serve you a pudding... Did it contain meat?! 😯

Crymea · 23/02/2020 17:47

So what did she say when you said there’s no plate for me to eat my dinner/dessert off of?

saraclara · 23/02/2020 17:48

I think I'd just ask her if something's changed. Or ask you DH to. It's very odd that this has suddenly happened. There has to be some kind of explanation for it, whether it's practical or personal. I'd want to get to the bottom of it.

CupoTeap · 23/02/2020 17:49

Your dh should have said something- new set of crockery for Mother's Day!

5zeds · 23/02/2020 17:50

Phone her up and ask her?

AutumnCrow · 23/02/2020 17:50

What did your husband say?

CookieDoughKid · 23/02/2020 17:52

I think you should have asked her the moment plate thing happened. And next time, ask for complete clarity and expectations from her. A few extra minutes discussing this with your mil would really help. Is there any reason why you wouldn't bring it up with her now? Again for clarity. Just say it's nothing personal but just so you know what to expect next time. I hate this tippy toeing. Just ask her. I would!!

virginpinkmartini · 23/02/2020 17:54

The 'not confident enough' to cook for a vegetarian argument is a load of tosh.
For example, if there's a Sunday roast, all she would have to do it not give the meat and gravy, and ramp up the amount of vegetable sides to make it a meal, or bung a couple of Linda McCartney sausages in the oven as an alternative. Just throwing in the towel and serving absolutely nothing is more embarrassing (and rude) than simply cocking up the meal.
Vegetarian food isn't some otherworldly cuisine, most of us eat a vegetarian option from time to time without thinking about it... Soups, jacket potatoes, egg and chips, penne arrabiata, cauliflower/ macaroni cheese... The list is endless. She's just being a twat for the sake of it.

izzywizzygood · 23/02/2020 17:55

That's very weird! Sounds like she might have been reading Mumsnet when everyone advised a member to ask a dinner guest to bring her own dinner (guest was "fussy")! What does your husband say? He needs to have a word with her. Was he not annoyed? I'd be kind of outraged if someone did that to me DH. Really weird of her to do that. YANBU.

phoenixrosehere · 23/02/2020 17:59

Not everyone is confident cooking vegetarian food, some of us are not the greatest of cooks.

Vegetarian food isn’t exactly a completely different or foreign cuisine. It’s not difficult to boil, roast, sauté a vegetable if you can do so with meat even for the most novice of cooks. Since MIL is obviously able to cook veg from what OP has said, it’s obvious it’s not an issue for her.

Have you possibly done or said something OP that she may have taken the wrong way? Either way, she is being a poor host.

violetbunny · 23/02/2020 18:03

FFS, it's not even cook vegetarian food. I wouldn't want to go back and visit. DH needs to have a word with her.

GoodbyePorpoiseSpit · 23/02/2020 18:03

I'd have to ask: "Have I done something to upset you MIL? Only you used to feed me and host me so nicely and I feel like things have gone awry!"

violetbunny · 23/02/2020 18:03

*not even difficult to cook

RibenaMonsoon · 23/02/2020 18:05

My exs mother used to invite me to dinner and then serve up rice dishes with chopped up bits of ham in.
(I was a veggie too, she knew and even used to berate me for it)

I like the idea another poster had and buy her a veggie cook book for mothers day.
Or invite her over and ask her to bring her own meal.

It is a bit off. As a vegetarian surely you can eat whatever everyone else is having minus the meat. Maybe you can ask her why that's not possible next time?

Evilspiritgin · 23/02/2020 18:06

I wonder if she’s thinking you’re a vegan and panicked, Plus if she’s been watching those 2 vegan cooks on a sat/sun they obviously don’t use dairy either , so I can see how a non confident cook could get very overwhelmed

On the other hand my dh aunt had dementia and thinks my son is his father . She has completely forgotten my son

GoodDogBellaBoo · 23/02/2020 18:09

Did you not ask her at the time where your plate was? What did your husband say? Did he eat his dessert and not say anything to his mum?

WinterCat · 23/02/2020 18:12

She’s being really rude. Is there anything else health wise that could be behind it? Otherwise it’s totally unacceptable.

phoenixrosehere · 23/02/2020 18:15

I wonder if she’s thinking you’re a vegan and panicked, Plus if she’s been watching those 2 vegan cooks on a sat/sun they obviously don’t use dairy either , so I can see how a non confident cook could get very overwhelmed

Um.. why would the mil after knowing OP is vegetarian for 20 years suddenly think she’s vegan?

OP also said:

I've always said I'm happy to just have the veg and no need to make anything for me etc. I certainly dont expect anyone to go to any trouble. Fact is she normally has the same as me and has done for the last 20 years!

needsahouseboy · 23/02/2020 18:15

The bringing a dish is really not the issue here or being vegetarian, not sure why so many are only focussing on that! The issue is not even providing you with a plate or desert and saying she only needs to see DS and DH.....what on earth did your husband say at this point? I'd have nothing to do with her after this. Rude and hurtful cow!

AJPTaylor · 23/02/2020 18:17

If it's started after 20 years I would be worried about her mental health tbh.

Gemma2019 · 23/02/2020 18:24

So what happened with the plates and the pudding after you mentioned it? Was it redistributed between all of you or did you go without?

Littleshortcake · 23/02/2020 18:28

This is pretty horrible. It might not be intentional but leaving you out altogether for dinner and dessert is unkind. I don't think I would mind bringing a veggie substitute but not the whole meal. That said, there are so many lovely easy veggie substitutes I can't understand it.

Frenchw1fe · 23/02/2020 18:39

Sounds like she just couldn’t be arsed. Very rude.
When we have veggie friends or family over I usually try to do a couple of dishes that everyone can eat plus a meat dish too.
I have learned some lovely new veggies dishes by doing this.
Recently I made Parmesan cauliflower bites and everyone loved them.

And not doing you a dessert! Next time they come to you just do all veggie food and say if they want meat they’ll have to bring it.

Doubleyouexwhyandzed · 23/02/2020 18:41

Ahhhh you’ve moved near. I think she had to have you all when you were coming a distance but she’s really like to have DH and kids to herself now you’re close and you are optional and this is her way of saying it. DH needs to have a word.

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