To stop paying for after-school care at age 10

[hibbledobble]

Childcare is an absolute nightmare for me, and eye wateringly expensive. Current arrangement of having an au pair for school collections will no longer be an option soon due to leaving the EU, and no planned visa scheme for unskilled workers.

Nannies would be more than I earn, and also only tend to want full time hours. (I am a junior doctor, but earn less than London nanny wages)

The school's ASC is also pretty dire. Shouting at children, forcing them to sit in silence etc, then just penning them in, with no planned activities.

Wibu to allow oldest child to walk home alone aged 10? She is independent and street wise. Younger children would be cared for at nursery, but she is too old for this.

My DD is 12 this year and will not go anywhere on her own yet. I definitely do not want to push her into it and am worried about after school care from September when she starts secondary school. I know it depends on the child, but 10 feels young to me to be spending lots of time alone.

They don’t have to be picked up by a childminder. They can walk to meet them away from the school

Depends on child and area and walk as all have said. My DS is year 6 and I started dropping his after school club sessions from the start of the academic year. He now does 2 a week so is home alone after school for 3 days. From after Easter, I’m thinking of letting him go home for the full five days. He’s fairly sensible, knows not to open the door, has a phone, friendly retired neighbours, I work 10 mins away etc. From secondary school in september he’s going to have to do it anyway so may as we’ll get used to it.

Thank you for the many reassuring posts. I don't know of any childminders that collect from the school, and I think she would find a cm setting very 'babyish' already. They don't tend to have children past reception age.

cologne Unfortunately the information, while recent, is not up to date. There have been developments since it was published. What will happen post Brexit is an unknown, and the information is quickly changing. What I mean by not many want to come here, is that the UK is currently perceived as a xenophobic place, and therefore far less au pairs are willing to come here, even prior to 2021. When I was looking in January this year there was a huge lack of both quantity and quality of candidates.

She is not 10 currently, but I will see what happens when she is. Starting slowly and building her days up at home sounds like a good idea.

Not ideal but If it's only a 10 minute walk, your DD would be home alone less than an hour and she is mature enough and happy enough to do this then I think you can just away get away with it OP, though it would make a nice little job for a student or a pensioner perhaps.

The shortage of CM places wouldn’t apply here I don’t think as over 8s don’t count in the ratios so long as they aren’t negatively impacting the younger children. The childminders near me all have much older kids (last secondary school) walk to them, play on the PlayStation with their fellow teens, have a snack and then walk home just before mum/dad gets home.
I think it’s really sad that 10-14yr olds all around the country are sitting in isolation after school. Mine all need someone to talk to about their day.

I haven't read all the thread, but I went back to work FT when DS was 10. I asked him what he wanted to do - he wanted to walk home from school (about 20-25 minutes), let himself in and look after himself until I got home from work. I was home by 4.45 or 5.45 though (depending on the day) so he was alone for between 1.45 or 2.45 hours.

I would ask around, maybe there is a SAHM or a childminder who could help you out? Personally I would be fine with it if it was my older son but there is no way I could leave my younger son when he's that age. He's clumsy and accident prone and panics if something goes wrong. Every child is different and I'm sure you will make the right decision.

Not sure if it was already mentioned, but does she have her own phone? I would feel better about it if she could text or call at any time and also if you could track her whereabouts on some sort of app so you can see that she's at home.

dc does this twice a week.
walks home from school and is alone for an hour before older siblings come home from school. dh and I return anytime between 5 and 7pm but sort of tag team.
the other days of the week dc does a sport, walks there alone and I then pick up after sport has finished.
dc has a 'safe place' (a cafe with a family account) where they can go to and wait in case they forgot the key (or just fancy a hot chocolate).

If it's not too long a walk, traffic isn't too bad and she has a cheapy phone for an emergency this would be fine.
Assuming you're home in time to make dinner etc and she's sensible - would just watch tv/read/do homework.

@oncemorewithfeeling99 - I’m sure they can all cope for a couple of hours. Not everyone has the money to pay for childcare up to 14. My kids certainly wouldn’t want to go to a childminder at 14. They’d absolutely hate it. I let my daughter come home on the train on her own last year of secondary as she found the childminder was full of young kids who annoyed her. They are much happier in their own home, either doing homework, playing on consoles or chatting to friends on WhatsApp. They are alone for 2hrs and are absolutely fine with that. It does depend on the child, my friends only child doesn’t want to be alone (year 7) so mum has adapted her hours some days and she goes to grandparents other days. You have to be guided by your child. Mine are both mature and sensible.

It's not ideal, but if you don't have an option, then you don't have an option. However, I think I would put her in an after-school activity for as many days as possible to minimise the amount of time she is home alone/coming home to an empty house. My DS started walking home from school on his own in the summer of Y5 and it was fine. A sensible DC of that age who can cross roads safely and knows what to do in an emergency is okay. Do you have a friendly neighbour she could call if there is a problem? My DS set off the burglar alarm one time I put it on by accident and our neighbour sorted it out.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland No - it's why they need to start steps towards being ready well before this. It's why lots of primary schools encourage year 6s to walk themselves to school, and many people start teaching their children some safety things around the home during junior school

The same answer applies. Just because your, my, their children are ready doesn't mean they all are or should be. No child should be made to feel inadequate or babyish simply because they are not yet ready to go it alone.

I'm not questioning the need for independence, just the mindset of people who who spout crap like 'children after 9 shouldn't need childcare'.

And the complete inability of people to grasp the fact that children, and indeed young teens, are definitly not consistently sensible and mature.

No, children aren't usually consistently sensible or mature, but neither are many adults.

Honestly, I am in a difficult situation, and am looking for the least bad solution. I wish I could afford proper childcare, but I don't earn enough. I would be better off not working, but that would be a waste after spending 6 years in university and many more years training, not to mention the cost of my training to the government.

How far away are you from work? Could you be contacted easily and leave work quickly in an emergency? I’m guessing as a doctor you can’t just drop everything and leave.

We did safeguarding training at work and it said that leaving an 11 year old at home alone for a couple of hours every day after school would be classed as neglect. If I were you I would check with nspcc or something like that as it could jeopardise your job if you got in trouble for it.

I think you’re going to have to use the after school club or childminder, there’s tax free childcare or if your income is low enough you may get help through tax credits/universal credit.

Polly111

We did safeguarding training at work and it said that leaving an 11 year old at home alone for a couple of hours every day after school would be classed as neglect.

Utterly pathetic if this is true. If I have to go to work then I have to leave a 10 year old and a 21 year autistic child together. No childcare or outside help will take them in my area. No social care etc. If the government really believes this to be neglect then they need to sort out asc, social care, child minders, visa's for au pairs, etc.

I expect the government won't bother and I doubt anyone will be charged with neglect.

I can't always leave work quickly: I work in a surgical speciality, so might be scrubbed in theatre and unable to answer my phone. Or dealing with an emergency.

The more I think about this, the more I think it's not really practicable.

I don't know if I would be entitled to universal credit, but what I have heard about it puts me off claiming.

I disagree that an 11 year old home alone for a couple of hours is neglect: I was regularly home alone at that age and loved it. Besides, there is usually no childcare available for this age as secondary schools don't have wrap around care and most childminders won't take secondary aged children.

OP can you look a local parent and pay cash in hand ? I pay two school mums , as my 11 year old isn’t really ready to be home alone daily
I know I’ll get hammered for this as people
Say it’s illegal yada yada but there will be local mums who will happily babysit
And try a combo ? 2 days alone and 3 days babysitter or Koru kids and build up
Childcare is ridiculous in this country

Your a bloody doctor and have to skimp
For childcare , makes me angry

Well, if it's only a 10 minute walk with no major roads a d she'll be alone for under an hour, I think it's fine. As long as she had someone she could call on if she needed them and had access to a phone to contact u if she needed you .

We did safeguarding training at work and it said that leaving an 11 year old at home alone for a couple of hours every day after school would be classed as neglect.

Ignore this! It’s not true at all. That poster was lied to.

It's not illegal to pay school mums. It's up to them to pay any tax due but to pay in cash and to pay other mums is not illegal.

My dd walks home alone or with friends, and did so from just before she was 11 - the start of yr 6.

Can your dd walk with friends at all? Would that feels safer?

Your asc sounds dire, so you might want to look into childminders for when the next one needs after school care!