To stop paying for after-school care at age 10

[hibbledobble]

Childcare is an absolute nightmare for me, and eye wateringly expensive. Current arrangement of having an au pair for school collections will no longer be an option soon due to leaving the EU, and no planned visa scheme for unskilled workers.

Nannies would be more than I earn, and also only tend to want full time hours. (I am a junior doctor, but earn less than London nanny wages)

The school's ASC is also pretty dire. Shouting at children, forcing them to sit in silence etc, then just penning them in, with no planned activities.

Wibu to allow oldest child to walk home alone aged 10? She is independent and street wise. Younger children would be cared for at nursery, but she is too old for this.

I'm assuming you are in London as you mentioned London nanny wages? This agency specialises in after school care:

www.korukids.co.uk/

The staff are mainly students and retired people who only want a part time job. The agency trains them in first aid.

If you have an au pair now, does that mean you have a spare bedroom? It's not uncommon in London for rooms to be offered at a reduced rent in exchange for caring duties for older people. You could probably find a student lodger who is willing to do childcare in exchange for cheap rent.

Au pair websites suggest there are plans in place to allow until 2023. If as a junior doctor you're away late/overnight I wouldn't go without care. If necessary apply for your next placement out of London.

Children are not magically consistent, confident, responsible and 'matured' hmm just because they start secondary school.

No, which is why they need to be prepared slowly beforehand. I remember going into town with friends from about aged nine. I was also allowed to walk 10 minutes to the shops at that age. At 11, I was getting myself to and from the bus stop (half an hour walk) everyday, and letting myself in in the evening. I was also left alone for a few hours at a time during the day.

The following year, I was left alone during the summer holidays. I used to walk into to town, have friends over, go to the local outdoor pool, go to the shops. I didn't have a mobile, I was just expected to ring my mum before I went out and again when I got back. Sometimes she was in meetings and I'd have to ring the company switchboard and get her paged too. It was just normal for me, because it had been built up over the course of 2-3 years, not just sprung on me overnight.

If she's comfortable with it then go for it.

Current arrangement of having an au pair for school collections will no longer be an option soon

There are options depending on your au pairs circumstances and how long they wish to stay.

www.aupairworld.com/en/blog/brexit

Unfortunately the au pair world website information is it of date: there is no provision from next year. Regardless, very few want to come to London now given the situation, which is understandable. I don't think it will be possible to find a replacement when ours leaves this summer.

I'm open to having someone live with us for reduced or free rent in return for childcare help. I wouldn't know where to find this though: I previously tried to find someone for this and couldn't find anyone.

I have heard of Kory kids but they didn't have candidates for my area when my neighbour checked.

This business about “the school won’t let them walk home alone” Is this the law or school guidelines?

My son is in p6 and has been walking to and from school for over a year. I don’t live in a city though. He will soon be getting a key. He’s almost in p7 though and will be 11 in 8 weeks or so.

You dont need an au pair surely just a local person who can help out

A local person that can help out would be great, but they are rarer than hen's teeth. I have previously tried to find someone and it's impossible to find anyone reliable and consistent.

I'm open to having someone live with us for reduced or free rent in return for childcare help. I wouldn't know where to find this though

There are ads for home help/reduced rent arrangements on the usual houseshare sites like spareroom etc and the university accommodation websites. Colleges of Further Education in London often have international/non-local students too, not just universities.

I have heard of Kory kids but they didn't have candidates for my area when my neighbour checked

You could try placing an ad at the nearest university/college and make your own arrangements.

My dd is the same age. We have started letting her stay home alone for brief periods of time. The longest to date was 90 minutes. DH has to drag me out the door while dd simultaneously pushed me out. All metaphorically, but that long made me nervous.

What I wouldn’t allow is dd walking home alone to an empty house. She could walk home if I was home, but the two combined is too many variables.

My Dd walked home with friends from towards the end of year 5 at her request (she’s summer born so would’ve been 9 nearly 10).
From year 6 she’d maybe be alone/ with her older brother for an hour.
If your DD can manage the journey, has been in the house alone before, is comfortable with the idea and has a means of contacting you and understands any ground rules (no cooking, even toast/ don’t answer the door etc) and knows what to do in an emergency then she’s fine. It’ll set her in good stead for a journey to secondary alone next year.

I was absolutely fine with it from that age, if she's fine with it, and the school will let her walk home (they're allowed to from 10 here)

then I went to secondary, and wasn't home until nearly 5 (train and walk), so it wasn't a thing anyway!

It isn’t ideal but preferable to anything else.

It isn’t the law back

My son was only just 11 when he started secondary, being an August baby, but he was absolutely fine. We did some travelling training and how to open the door, what to do at home, what not to do. It was around 90 mins he was alone for. He survived. I don’t think year 7’s need after school care. Mine would have been mortified if a childminder collected him from secondary

Do you have a local Facebook group? Maybe put something on there.

This government is incredibly short sighted. How is getting rid of au pairs going to help the job market? Dh wouldn’t have been allowed in under the new rules and he is and has been a net contributor for decades.

We did exactly what your are proposing from aged 10, also in central London. Not an issue and a huge boost in confidence. From age 11 they go on tubes, trains and busses and travel to school. also in London, it felt like an easier start to this transition than nanny until July and from January "here is your oyster card, go".

Could you get a babysitter? They would be a more affordable option.

Mine would have been mortified if a childminder collected him from secondary

Yeah, I was gonna say, I can't imagine being collected by a childminder or babysitter at that age! How embarrassing

Put an ad out on your local neighbourhood apps or netmums or local Facebook groups. If you live in a city you should be able to find someone to help

Our school would not allow this before y6, so you may have to wait until then

I'm really surprised about the pps saying this - do your schools still "sign" the kids in and out at junior level then? At ds' infant school the teacher would look for the parent/carer before letting the children go, but at junior school they were just let out and they wouldn't know if they walked home alone.

If they were doing an after-school club it was a bit different and you signed a form to say they could walk home (from year 5).

Where I live CMs don't take secondary school children.

Info on the au pair website looks pretty up to date to me, and au pairs won't be covered by normal visas etc because they're temporary workers and only stay for a year.

Also not sure what you mean by them not wanting to come to the UK "because of the situation" - if they come in autumn 2020 they come under the current arrangements.

But anyway as pp's have said, there are non-EU au pairs, and there are also people living here already - both British and non-British, who'd like to earn some extra cash. Especially in London with so many students.

I let my 11 year old be home alone once a week and he is not emotionally mature

OP you know your DD , start with a day a week and then up it

My 10 year old is fine with it. He much prefers being in his own home to being in after school club or with a cm. School allowed it in year 5.

I was fine with it at 10 (and younger), in an age without mobile phones and when it was harder to contact people. These days my DC can phone, text, email, whatsapp easily and get support in moments. Half the family would advise him via whatsapp if his dad and I were for some reason uncontactable by phone!