To stop paying for after-school care at age 10

[hibbledobble]

Childcare is an absolute nightmare for me, and eye wateringly expensive. Current arrangement of having an au pair for school collections will no longer be an option soon due to leaving the EU, and no planned visa scheme for unskilled workers.

Nannies would be more than I earn, and also only tend to want full time hours. (I am a junior doctor, but earn less than London nanny wages)

The school's ASC is also pretty dire. Shouting at children, forcing them to sit in silence etc, then just penning them in, with no planned activities.

Wibu to allow oldest child to walk home alone aged 10? She is independent and street wise. Younger children would be cared for at nursery, but she is too old for this.

My dd started walking home in the summer term of year five. She let herself in with a key tied on to her bag with elastic and rang me at work when she got in. She couldn't wait to get off the phone.

She loved it as she was allowed to watch tv.

It reminded me of Dewey on 'Malcolm in the Middle' when he is the only one at primary school so had 15 minutes every day in the house alone before his brothers got in so learnt to play the piano.

I did this with DD at around the same age.
She was walking home from school alone from just 9 yo due to me being ill for a while. School was 5 min walk, lots of other people to go to if there was any trouble.
And then as she got her confidence she got a key at 10 and was home alone for 30m-1 hour probably 2-3x a week on average, but some weeks not at all as one of us was home iyswim. There were several friendly neighbours who would be available to help in an emergency. She would make a snack (no cooking), do homework and watch tv.
I really think it's important for them to take small steps towards independence...the amount of kids who cannot fend for themselves as young adults because they haven't ever had to I find very odd.

All the children in my sons yr 6 class make their own way to and from school. There are no yr 6s in after school club now. We live in an urban area. I actually think that it is a good idea to gradually start giving a bit of independence before they go to secondary. Obviously dependent on your child.

I did this with Ds from Jan of Y5, as during the winter the AsC was similar to yours (staff mostly nice but clueless, one chap who shouted at kids). He was having meltdowns. Couldn't find an after-school nanny for love or money.

So as DH or I usually work from home, we tried letting him walk home, via a longer but safer route (simple small crossings and a traffic light).

He loved it and was no trouble. Apart from one time he forgot his key, but eventually remembered to go to our neighbour.

Now only problem is 8yo sister in Y3 wants to do the same now the school have done 'pedestrian training'.

I can see your dilemma. I would be more comfortable if I could more or less guarantee that I would be home within a reasonable time frame. If circumstances are likely to mean that I could be delayed often then i'd be looking at other options.

Are there really no local "babysitters" or students/retirees looking to make a few quid just being a responsible adult in the house in case you're held up?

Walking home alone is fine. But not to an empty house.

My dd stopped going to her CM towards the end of Year 7. It’s not the walk home that’s the issue. It’s the being home alone that’s the the problem.

She was 12 when we let her go home to an empty house but we kept in touch/tried to get home early. She’s 13 now and fine with being on her own.

I wouldn't do it. Being a doctor are you gauranteed to finish on time? What if you get stuck in traffic, due to an accident or something? When my DD was 10, she didn't want to be left. Are you sure she's happy with it? Does she have to cross major roads?

Provided I could be reasonably sure I would always be back within an hour I wouldn’t worry too much about this with a mature ten year old, who had a phone and an emergency contact or two.

Big eyeroll at those saying childcare is needed for high school age children. What childcare is even on offer for this age? Certainly no CMs near me offering anything for age 9+.

Anyway, YANBU OP. DS2 has walked home alone from age 9 and although DS1 is and/or I'm usually here soon after, he has a key and is more than capable of letting himself in and entertaining himself for an hour or two.

I'm just about to request flexible working for when my DD starts secondary school. It will be a 10 minute walk home for her but then she'd be on her own for 2 and a half hours until I get back from work.
No family local to help out and her primary school is in a completely different area so no friends locally yet either

Why not use a childminder OP?

I don't know any after-school childcare schemes that provide for over 11's. Why does a 12 year old need childcare?

I always hate the ridiculousness of comments like this. Are you so unaware that you can't see situations that some children might need childcare for longer than others?

As a childminder I have had nearly a hundred children over the past 20yrs ranging in age from 1 to 15. Some children aren't ready, some can't be trusted, some have special needs, there are plenty of reasons for still needing childcare as a young teen.

I do a 'support' system for parents who don't have anyone else. Usually, most children carry on coming to mine for the winter term of yr7, start going home alone around Easter but can still come to me if they want to or are worried for any reason and by the summer term they go home alone but know I'm always available if anything goes wrong. Sometimes they come to me for dinner and then go home to wait for their parent.

Children are not magically consistent, confident, responsible and 'matured' just because they start secondary school. Sometimes things happen that can't wait an hour or two for the parent to get back.

I don't 'look after' young people from the age of 10. They 'hang out' in a safe place, have a chance to talk, eat, and just generally be without making them feel babied or ridiculed for not being ready to be home alone.

@nokidshere I love that, sounds perfect

If she is sensible and not home alone for too long, I don't see the issue. I give similar freedom to my DC but I know a lot of people are aghast.

I am rather shocked when I see that y6 kids are taking to the classroom door and picked up by mummy and daddy and should not walk a meter alone in this big bad world.

kids need to learn this. they cannot when they are overprotected.

Our school would not allow this before y6, so you may have to wait until then.

@nokidshere
That sounds ideal. We were lucky enough to have lovely neighbours who were willing to provide backup and company if required.
We are also lucky DD was ready to take the steps towards being on her own but it's true that it takes longer for some than others.
I agree with @curlsnotfrizz but they need to do it at their own pace if at all possible.

If your child is happy, then that’s fine. Some people starting secondary school could be days away from being ten, if they have a late August birthday.

This may not apply as I grew up in Canada. However, my parents stopped paying for childcare when I was 10 (I was the eldest of 3; they were 8.5 and 7). After school, my brothers and I would walk home together and I would act as "babysitter" until my parents got home an hour and a half later each day. This was in the early 2000s, so not that long ago in the grand scheme of things.

If your child is trustworthy, I don't see why a 10-year-old can't be left alone for a short while. Children seem to be babied a lot these days.

Assuming your daughter is ok with this I think it would be fine. There is also Kuro Kids who do after school nannies (mainly uni students) - might be worth checking out.

I’d do a trial first with you waiting at home to see if she manages the walk alright and do that a few times. Then decide from there.

Will school let her out on her own? My dc school has just started saying that only year six children can walk home alone. I will be letting mine come home alone next September, he will be 11 and in year 7 though and for just 3 days a week. He would probably be ok now but he has to go to asc just to keep my mind easy.

Is she Yr5 or 6? I think yr6 would be ok. Some of the kids at dds school were doing this from Easter last year. My dd is yr7 and she won’t even walk to and from the bus alone. She’s fine walking around and about with friends. I think it’s great your dd has confidence.

If you do go with this, I think you need to have a support structure in place. Think if she is better to go home at the same time as the other children instead of going to an after school club then walking home. Is your family willing to escort her home some days or be on call if necessary? Is there a parent willing to have her once a week? Are there neighbours around that she knows well, who would assist if needs be.

With the summer months fast approaching, she could actually be at the park for 2 hours if there is one close by but she would need people, who could perhaps keep an eye on her.

Then there’s the safety element. How to play that and ensure your dd is safe in and emergency. Maybe role play some things.

To all the people suggesting childminders, places with CMs are very much in short supply in the south east. There's a shortage of CMs, and their after school places are after taken by children who have been with them as toddlers plus their siblings

Children are not magically consistent, confident, responsible and 'matured' hmm just because they start secondary school.

No - it's why they need to start steps towards being ready well before this. It's why lots of primary schools encourage year 6s to walk themselves to school, and many people start teaching their children some safety things around the home during junior school.

I was in this position. I put an ad on the local forum and had a couple of gap year students apply and a TA from the school . I went with the TAIt worked out really well. Did any homework, gave them dinner that I had left out. It's a bit pricey but not nearly as much as a qualified nanny who you would want with a baby or younger child. My DS is 10 in a few months and I think I may give this up (or maybe do a mixture of 2 days on his own and 3 with a similar set up so there is some structure there) for next year.

We are only 4 mins walk from school and he does have an older early teen sibling but v hit and miss as to whether she would be around at that time.