Drinking from same glass and eating from same plate

[reallyagain]

Today out for lunch with DH and FIL. FIL has his food and DH had ordered a starter for he and I to share (halloumi on flatbread). So we're both tucking in with our knives and forks, then DH asks FIL if he wants to try. So FIL starts also tucking in, using same knife and fork he's been eating with. At that point I stopped eating the starter as tbh sharing food like that make me wants to vom, added to which FIL has clearly got a cold. I didn't say anything, just said I didn't want any more.

Afterwards we went to a beer bottle place for a drink - DH and FIL had the same, and I had a fruit beer. DH asked me if I wanted to try his, and he also tried mine. DH then asks FIL if he wants to try my beer - before I can blink FIL then drinks from my glass. I was pretty pissed off at this point and must have pulled a face, also said something like "really, is this a communal glass?". DH then offers to get me a new glass and goes to get me one.

AIBU to expect not to have to make this point and not to want to share germs with FIL?

Meh. Couldn’t get worked up over it. Everyone has different comfort zones with this sort of thing I guess. The cold thing I see your point, although realistically if you’re in close proximity you’re likely to catch it anyway 🤷🏽‍♀️

My in-laws knowingly infected me with some vile bug because they wanted to see my partner. They pretended they were better. I am now laid up with a chest infection in my third trimester of a tricky pregnancy. I don’t blame you for not wanting other people’s spit all over your food and drink.

i wouldn't like that either, its a bit gross, although i can see why others may not see it as a big deal.

Nah I'm with you OP. It would make me feel icky without the cold. The first stage of digestion starts in the mouth.

Some people don't care and judging by some of the posts I've read tonight, you might get an interesting thread

YADNBU

Ick!

Yanbu, I don’t like sharing food with other people. If they’re sick, then that’s just bad manners

Well it’s your Dh that’s the problem! He needs to stop offering your food and drinks to others.

I wouldn't want to share a cup/glass with my in laws.

I wouldn't even think about being bothered by it; it's hardly as if he spat on your plate. I can't believe people get so het up about it.

Yanbu.

I’d be quite annoyed if my husband offered my drink to someone else. I’d also look to the person if their spouse offered me their drink.

I wouldn't even think about being bothered by it; it's hardly as if he spat on your plate. I can't believe people get so het up about it.

YADNBU

Gross.

And unreasonable for DH to offer up YOUR drink. Wtf?

It doesn't bother me either, DH and I often bought one drink to share, and we are a very sharey family - we all try a bit of each other's food and drinks.

OP, I'm with you on this. Can't stand other people putting their germs in my food. Every time we go for a curry my BIL asks to try some of mine and then puts his used cutlery in my dish rather than using the serving spoon that is sitting right there in the dish for that very purpose! Drives me mad, not least because I'm vegetarian so not only is he putting his germs in my dish, he's putting bits of lamb and chicken in there too. I now make a point of telling him to use the serving spoons if he wants to try any, but like you, I don't think people should need to be reminded of this. They should know. Especially if he has a cold. Also, not your DH's place to offer FIL the opportunity to try YOUR drink!!

I’m with you.. infact I’m worse than you. I don’t like anyone eating off my plate, drinking from my cup etc. That includes dp, call it weird but I don’t want anyone’s spit on my stuff. Dp doesn’t lick me or drool like a mad man near my mouth.. or in general... so I’m not going to start sharing cups.

Oh gosh winterwoollies that's a nightmare. Yes exactly that, it's sharing spit which clearly I'm ok to do with DH but definitely not FIL. He was eating off our plate with his fork then tucking in for more -eurgh.

You will laugh at this but I don't even share bottles, cutlery, cups/glasses and food with my husband and son, let alone husband's relatives. Husband doesn't mind eating or drinking things I've not finished or letting me try his food and I am probably mad and OCD but I just can't do it.

In the situation you are describing, I would definitely be as disgusted as you.

Ugh I can’t stand that. I share with my DH, and no one else.

Yanbu. I even have my own separate cutlery that guests don’t get to use when they come round.

Once you are sharing with your DH then I can understand why your FIL might also think it's ok to share. How would he know your rules. If you don't share at all then you'd probably be ok.

It wouldn’t bother me-I’m clearly in the minority though!

My in-laws knowingly infected me with some vile bug because they wanted to see my partner.

How could they have done this?

My mum used to have a saying, along the lines of not wanting to share other people's' plaque

To the poster who said it's not like he spat on my plate - I can't see the outcome is much different, when he was re-dipping his fork to and fro from his mouth to the food. Saliva still ended up on the food surely

And actually I’d be pissed off with him if he ever dared to offer someone else a taste of my food or drink! How disrespectful. I’d have words with him for sure. But he wouldn’t ever do that.

Really majestic though? Surely most people recognise levels of physical proximity and bodily contact/sharing as being different between husband and wife compared to others?