Drinking from same glass and eating from same plate

[reallyagain]

Today out for lunch with DH and FIL. FIL has his food and DH had ordered a starter for he and I to share (halloumi on flatbread). So we're both tucking in with our knives and forks, then DH asks FIL if he wants to try. So FIL starts also tucking in, using same knife and fork he's been eating with. At that point I stopped eating the starter as tbh sharing food like that make me wants to vom, added to which FIL has clearly got a cold. I didn't say anything, just said I didn't want any more.

Afterwards we went to a beer bottle place for a drink - DH and FIL had the same, and I had a fruit beer. DH asked me if I wanted to try his, and he also tried mine. DH then asks FIL if he wants to try my beer - before I can blink FIL then drinks from my glass. I was pretty pissed off at this point and must have pulled a face, also said something like "really, is this a communal glass?". DH then offers to get me a new glass and goes to get me one.

AIBU to expect not to have to make this point and not to want to share germs with FIL?

Excellent one two three I love that your positive mental attitude is the reason you never get ill you should spread the news, would save the NHS billions. You might actually also stop Coronavirus spreading

It’s a well known fact that things like this builds your immune system. I bet you anti bac everything in sight. I’d hate to live like you

For those making g the point that FIL did nothing wrong as DH had offered for him to share my food/drink - I struggle with this.

Surely if adult A offers adult B's food/drink to Adult C, then A (if they really want to) checks with Adult B before tucking in? I can't imagine a situation whereby I'd tuck into a friend's wife's food, for example, just a because her husband said that was ok

For those making g the point that FIL did nothing wrong as DH had offered for him to share my food/drink - I struggle with this.

I agree. Why would you accept/take something offered when it doesn’t belong to the person offering it?

It’s close family Op. If his son suggested it, then he assumed it was fine. It would be different if they were work colleagues.

God, he actually used his own fork on your plate OP!!!

Who can really be bothered to give a shit... 🙄

I don't agree, I wouldn't take SIL's food/drink just because my brother said I could

Op, I really just think you need to put it down to different family dynamics. A relationship with two sil’s is very different to parent and child. If you had something nice on your plate, I assume you would offer it to your dc to try? I do understand your point as your boundaries are different and in a pp, I agreed that it would also gross me out. I think your Fil just assumed that it was okay as your dh should be the one who knows your boundaries and is aware of what you find acceptable and unacceptable. Unless I’m mistaken, the main issue is germs and not actually sharing. If he could have picked it up off your plate without touching the other food, I don’t think it would have bothered you.

Yes I would have been fine with me being asked to share some of my food bynputtung it onto a separate plate/his plate, or me being asked to pour some of my drink to. Glass for him to taste. It's the communal saliva sharing I don't like.

I'm much closer to my SIL than I am to FIL, and him being DH's dad doesn't change the hygiene or manners dynamic for me

YANBU OP and at

*Excellent one two three I love that your positive mental attitude is the reason you never get ill grinyou should spread the news, would save the NHS billions. You might actually also stop Coronavirus spreading&

Bold failure, sorry.

Close contact with other people’s saliva is a great way to spread viruses. Covid 19 relies on people like your DH and FIL for its successful transmission.
OP, I won’t even share a communion cup at church. Thankfully, the C of S uses individual glasses, and I just refuse if I’m visiting English churches.
Your DH has no right to offer your food to someone else. I hope you’ve now spelled this out to him, but you should have refused at the time, to make the point more forcefully.

Agree babdoc, wish id said something

Your FIL didn't do anything wrong. Your husband offered and you have a voice so could have said something. Why not just say I'll cut some off for you as you have a cold, instead of sitting there mute.
To be honest you sound like hard work, insisting on a,clean glass. You were sitting with your FIL so will probably get his cold anyway and it's a cold not the plague.

I just wouldn’t care the tiniest bit about this. Maybe I’m gross!

OP - I’m with you, I think that’s yuck. But then I’m the type of person who puts out a spoon to get for example pickles out of a jar, whereas some people just use their own fork. That’s how I was brought up , so got that from my mum.

Gara I always put out a load of spoons when any dips etc on the table so they are used to serve rather than people's' cutlery

It seems people are either strongly in one camp or the other. I'm a bit surprised some people arent bothered about the hygiene point, even with the strong awareness now of just how easily viruses spread

I'm with you Op, I don't share anything. If people offer me to try something which could involve the transfer of saliva I will decline, similarly I don't offer my drink. My IL's will share, which is fine, I don't judge them as they're entitled to do what they want but it's just not for me.

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I must have scummy standards

reallyagain - yes I agree , you either do or you don’t - Marmite thing. Serving spoons are essential for me

Wouldn’t even have been on my radar to notice it.