Drinking from same glass and eating from same plate

[reallyagain]

Today out for lunch with DH and FIL. FIL has his food and DH had ordered a starter for he and I to share (halloumi on flatbread). So we're both tucking in with our knives and forks, then DH asks FIL if he wants to try. So FIL starts also tucking in, using same knife and fork he's been eating with. At that point I stopped eating the starter as tbh sharing food like that make me wants to vom, added to which FIL has clearly got a cold. I didn't say anything, just said I didn't want any more.

Afterwards we went to a beer bottle place for a drink - DH and FIL had the same, and I had a fruit beer. DH asked me if I wanted to try his, and he also tried mine. DH then asks FIL if he wants to try my beer - before I can blink FIL then drinks from my glass. I was pretty pissed off at this point and must have pulled a face, also said something like "really, is this a communal glass?". DH then offers to get me a new glass and goes to get me one.

AIBU to expect not to have to make this point and not to want to share germs with FIL?

” Really majestic though? Surely most people recognise levels of physical proximity and bodily contact/sharing as being different between husband and wife compared to others?”

Well - I can certainly understand the difference, @reallyagain - and your feeling of discomfort are perfectly valid.

Feel sorry for your FIL. Between you and DH sharing food and drink and then your DH offering for him to share he probably thought nothing of it. Your communal drink comment and DH getting you a glass let him know it was a problem. You should have dealt with it privately with DH stating that you share his spit/germs only. There was no need to embarrass (Passively aggressively) your FIL. After all it was your DH who offered your glass.

YANBU

YUCK

Eww yuck I'm a bit extreme and won't even let my children take food from my plate. If I offer them to try something I put it on theirs. I think I was one of those dogs that growls when anyone goes near their food in a former life.

I wouldn't worry about the drink, alcohol will kill off any germs on the rim of a glass.

We all come into contact with people who have viruses or whatever, all the time. The only way to avoid is to never leave the house or have visitors!

This I do not get at all:

Winterwoollies Sat 22-Feb-20 22:11:22
"My in-laws knowingly infected me with some vile bug because they wanted to see my partner. They pretended they were better. I am now laid up with a chest infection in my third trimester of a tricky pregnancy. I don’t blame you for not wanting other people’s spit all over your food and drink."

"Knowingly" infected you? Do you mean they spat and put mucus on or around you, contaminated your food? If that was true, they would have committed a criminal offence. Think about it, even if they don't like are they likely to have deliberately caused you to be ill (you might have died)? I presume they could see their son any time without putting you out of action.

Anyone can have a chest infection, you don't know where you got it. Most of us worked well into our pregnancies and came in contact with people all the time, including those carrying infections. You could have caught your illness anywhere. In any case, a chest infection usually follows an upper respiratory infection, you don't actually 'catch' the chest infection directly, it is a virus or bacteria that spreads downwards to your lungs.

I can't believe you are actually accusing people of grievous bodily harm on such flimsy evidence. Do they hate you enough to make you severely ill during your pregnancy?

@ShirleyPhallus we latterly discovered they’d been laid up all week with these godawful colds and then said it had long-since cleared and to come round (I hadn't been privy to any of the conversations) only it transpired they were in the middle of these bugs and a few days later, lo and behold, down with it I come. They’re still not better. I feel like I’m drowning. It’s vile.

In my previous job, a woman used to offer round her food for people to try and they'd all use the same fork. It's one thing I can't stand. My brother will touch my food to piss me off. Prick.

@Bluerussian well, considering I work from home and hadn’t been out all week as I’m really pregnant (and as I said, it’s a tricky one) and the only place I went was their house, where it transpired they’d been holed up ill all week, and then 2-3 days later I came down with a remarkably similar bug to them (only I can’t take anything other than paracetamol so I’m really succumbing to the chesty nature of it), it would be a bit of a coincidence if they were not the source, no?

@Bluerussian I’ll be perfectly plain for you. It began as a particularly virulent viral ‘common cold’-type bug in my upper respiratory tract. It has subsequently settled in my chest as I’m struggling to cough and clear it. I am being monitored by doctors to make sure it doesn’t take too much of a hold.

My ILs pretended all was well and invited us round, knowing they were sick and I was pregnant.

Do you you get it now?

You lot are so precious! Don't see the problem

Why not eat bread with your hands anyway

DH comes from a culture where people eat off communal plates.

Double dipping being a problem is a myth

How did the human race ever survive!lol We need to come in contact with bacteria in order to build a good immune system

Rank. Rank. Rank.

Double dipping is also rank.

yummy what a great way to get hepatitis, herpes or meningitis
i never share food or drinks, not even with the kids, i vaguely remember a news story here in NZ about a group of uni students sharing a big cocktail or beer ( some large drink designed to share, loads of straws in it sort a thing) and one got meningitis and then the rest started showing symptoms, not sure if they all got it or not but i was big news at the time... so i just dont
if we want to share something we put half on a second plate or a bread plate and if we want to try a drink we pour out what we want and leave some in the bottle for someone else to try

@ChazsBrilliantAttitude

No it’s not a myth. It produced bacteria. Yes, less than swirling food around in your miuth and spitting it out, but FFS we didn’t need those to idiots to ‘prove’ that point, it’s fucking obvious. But it proved there US bacteria when you double dip - also fucking obvious 🙄

@reallyagain

I am very fussy who I’m prepared to ‘share’ with & in what way.

Someone I’m sexually actively with I’ll share anything with.

Small children who want to share/feed you, pretty much any of them, pretty much anything - just need to be aware & watch as they don’t understand ‘vegetarian’

(Own) Knife & fork off a communal plate - most people.

Soup etc only very few people.

‘ Bags’ of food, depends who & how they’re eating.

Etc etc

Too many ‘rules’ to explain, but everyone is entitled to have their own rules, irrespective of what anyone else thinks and people who should know better (ie the DH In this) should be more respectful. I don’t blame the FIL as in both cases he was offered!

As I say, each to their own, but it does churn my stomach to see a whole family slurping out of a sports bottle of drink or kids sharing an ice cream. (especially with the dog) ‘

OH, how ridiculous modern life is these days, !! I do despair with the germophobic types..

1forAll you may despair, but Like I say I don't get colds and am rarely ill. I despair of people who will happily and willingly share their viruses and germs with others.

Lol for those who are questioning the size of my 'starter' and why I ate it with a knife and fork, well done you for making invalid assumptions nothing to do with the gist of the thread. The flatbread was part of a salad with large chucks of halloumi and various dressings poured over it, not some sort of sandwich wrap. But well done for assuming I was eating it incorrectly., which was clearly the source of my problem.

Cybernan actually I didn't choose to socialise with someone who had a cold - he turned up with it, Id previously no idea

Someone upthread suggested I should have done nothing and later spoken to DH (rather than mentioning I wasn't happy). Really is this what we do now, let the men decide, sit uncomfortably and don't mention it in case someone is embarrassed?

I'm no germaphobe I just don't like sharing food

@reallyagain that "someone" was me. I'm at a complete loss as to how you could think that I was saying you should just let the men decide and stay quiet because they are men. I said no such thing. If you said MIL my response would have been the same. Ultimately, your DH invited someone to eat and drink your food like he was. He must surely know that you think this is vom so your issue should exclusively be with your DH. The other diner is not realistically going to know that you have a, I share germs with some people only rule. There is nothing in your post to suggest you are annoyed with your DH but rather you think relative is in the wrong. It was just my opinion, sex of your FIL doesn't even come into it.

Wouldn’t bother me but I understand that it does bother other people

I’m never sick because I don’t care about stuff like this

Recycled you're wrong, Ive already said it was my DH's fault. Read the thread