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AIBU?

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Original poster

To smash up all DS screens

379 replies

OntheWaves40 · 22/02/2020 20:40

DS (14) has repeatedly ignored me when I’ve told him it’s lights out and removed his screens, he has sneaked downstairs for them, sneaked in to my bedroom when i’ve been in the bathroom for them, rooted through my drawers to look for them. The first night I confiscated his phone, the second his tablet and by the third his game console. I told him he would get them back on Sunday. This was Monday evening and since then I’ve caught him several times on one of them. Tonight he was on his tablet I grabbed it off him and smashed it up in front of him, then gathered his phone and console and threw them all out his bedroom window. His console is broke. His phone survived.
Now I don’t know what to do. He’s in his room and I’m in living room in shock.

OP posts:
whatareyoucooking · 22/02/2020 23:09

I snapped a few weeks ago Op. yanked PS wires out of the wall and in the process knocked his tv over which smashed it. Accident and he knew it was an accident but I did say "GOOD!" When it happened.

If I could advise for next time maybe gather it all up, lock it in car like a PP said or take it into work and leave it. Or even take the mobile, put it in a bubble envelope and post it to him - very slow delivery. I don't know... raising teens is hard and it's a shame you snapped like that but hopefully it won't happen again

FrippEnos · 22/02/2020 23:09

RickOShay

but it’s understandable and therefore forgivable in a way abusive behaviour is not.

None of those on here are the ones that would be forgiving the OP.

This could quite easily destroy any relationship between the OP and her child.

RickOShay · 22/02/2020 23:11

Grin I don’t think so @FrippEnos

raskolnikova · 22/02/2020 23:11

@formerbabe

Right, and that's why it's fine to confiscate something as a punishment and then give it back. But destroying something is a loss of control in whatever relationship. It proves no point. Like I said, we will have to agree to disagree. I also disagree that the phone was not the son's possession, it was.

FrippEnos · 22/02/2020 23:15

RickOShay

Smile away but I have seen parent child relationships destroyed over less.

And this may only be one incident, but the OP says that her DS has no respect for her. Do you really think that this will improve that?

Unless they talk this out, this won't have a good ending.

RickOShay · 22/02/2020 23:18

She loves him fripp. It’s obvious. She lost it. Most of us do at some point. They’ve talked, and hopefully this will be the crisis that will help sort things out.

thisislovelyme · 22/02/2020 23:20

Kirsty Allsop did exactly this to both her sons iPads a few months ago. I think I might have flipped and done the same in all honesty.

LovingLola · 22/02/2020 23:22

When ds was 14 he shoved me aside - because I told him to turn off his PS 4.
That was the one and only time he ever did that. His dad was livid with him. Gaming is addictive.

NRPDad · 22/02/2020 23:23

YABU

MarieQueenofScots · 22/02/2020 23:26

YWBU but you know this.

No wonder he’s being apathetic - you’re not showing him behaviour to respect.

Apologise. Move on. Learn to handle your worrying anger.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 22/02/2020 23:26

A person in sound mind would not smash up a tablet and throw a games console and mobile phone out of a window

Erm you haven’t met my son , or OPs son

They are little addicts and it’s infuriating

Yanbu for losing your rag . Now what’s next ?

FoamingAtTheUterus · 22/02/2020 23:28

You shouldn't have done it but it's done now.

I hate screens, I'm a hypocrite because I'm sat on one right now. But the impact social media and the internet in general has had on mental health is appalling.......I held out until 2010 before going online and in all honesty it was the worse thing we ever did.

SnoozyLou · 22/02/2020 23:35

I’m sure he will survive a few days until they are replaced and I’m sure he will learn a lesson from it.

I can understand OP's frustration, but seriously, there is no valuable lesson to be gained from this. It's just showing him it's ok to smash things up if you lose you lose your temper, when in reality, if you go and do that out in the real world, you'll land up with a criminal record.

And going out spending hundreds of pounds replacing them in a few days - the only person this hurt is OP.

Either lock them away where he definitely can't get them, extend the ban's duration, or make sure he knows it will be permanent if he carries on.

GreenTulips · 22/02/2020 23:36

Not sure you should just run out and replace them. Not even sure why people are suggesting it?

These things are damaging.

MummytoCSJH · 22/02/2020 23:37

Please get some help for your anger issues OP. Your poor child.

bridgetreilly · 22/02/2020 23:37

Well done, OP. It is an addiction and you're right not to just give into it. Of course, throwing the screens away in a rage wasn't the best way to deal with it, but you already know that. What you do need to do is stay strong on this going forward. He can't self-regulate, you know that. And clearly the screen time is affecting him, his health, his school work, his relationship with you. So, it needs to be strictly controlled and he needs to buy into that as well. Work out a plan together for what screen use is appropriate and what sanctions there will be if he attempts to go over that. I would be as strict as you can possibly manage at first. For example, only letting him have a 'dumb' phone; only letting him use a tablet/computer in the sitting room, not his bedroom; wifi on only between certain times. If he manages to get through a few weeks of that, you can begin to relax the rules a bit. But it'll be hard. Breaking any kind of addiction is hard.

Episcomama · 22/02/2020 23:39

Maybe I'm a shitty parent too, but I'd have probably done similar!

Wildthyme · 22/02/2020 23:39

*Erm you haven’t met my son , or OPs son

They are little addicts and it’s infuriating*

It's your own fucking fault for buying them.

blue25 · 22/02/2020 23:40

He may be addicted. I’ve see it in a teen son of a friend. He may need help.

Your aggressive reaction was wrong and not what he needs from you.

Nat6999 · 22/02/2020 23:42

You want to hope & pray he doesn't mention this at school next week, safeguarding will have SS knocking on your door before you know where you are. Honestly what you have done is verging on abuse, taking your child's possessions & smashing them up, how you can expect him to have any respect for you now? You would have been better off letting him fail his exams & take the consequences.

RickOShay · 22/02/2020 23:45

You can’t ban the internet.
Believe me, we’ve tried.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 22/02/2020 23:46

t's your own fucking fault for buying them

As much as I’d love to live in a tree
House off grid , it’s now 2020 and there are barely any households without iPads , iPhones and some type of console

The pain of this tech age

It takes a stronger parent than me , and everyone has one which makes it harder to refuse

That said I Am buying that safe . As like OP even when I hide and confiscate they track them down

Parenting course and parental controls ( need to navigate both Nintendo and Microsoft ) is also on the to do list

Thisisworsethananticpated · 22/02/2020 23:47

safeguarding will have SS knocking on your door before you know where you are

And so what if they do ? They might get OP
Some help and advice

RickOShay · 22/02/2020 23:49

I doubt SS will be popping round.
But I did get a lot of valuable support from Early Help.

RickOShay · 22/02/2020 23:50

Self referred.