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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this person was rude to my DD?

128 replies

DorkingMum · 22/02/2020 15:03

DD (17) needed to get something printed and bound for one of her A levels. I had phoned a print shop I use locally and agreed I would pay for it later by bank transfer.

When she picked it up today they gave her an invoice and she asked, "What do I need to do with this - do I need to fill it in or anything?"

She says the woman on the desk made a face and said "You need to pay it!" then asked him how old she was. When she told her '17' she said "by the time I was your age, I had left home and was living on my own."

DD has dyslexia and some processing issues (so can come across as a bit slow on the uptake sometimes, I know) but AIBU to think this was still pretty rude?

OP posts:
Savingshoes · 22/02/2020 15:41

The vast majority of people spoke to my friends and I like this as teenagers when they were in a place of authority or power.
Shop assistants, middle managers, people who worked on public transport, landladies when viewing house shares/rentals.
I would simply teach your child resilience and perhaps some sarcastic/witty come backs as they're going to come into contact with these sorts of behaviours throughout their live.

Thinkingabout1t · 22/02/2020 15:44

Rude, and in a way that particularly annoys me.

When teaching, I always encouraged questions, because that's how people learn. I knew that some students didn't want to ask in case they looked stupid for not knowing. I always pointed out that asking questions shows the opposite: you're smart enough to realise there's something else you need to know, then you take appropriate action to gain that knowledge.

I can't stand it when I hear someone put down for asking a question. Please tell your daughter, from me, it was a perfectly good question!

messolini9 · 22/02/2020 15:44

"by the time I was your age, I had left home and was living on my own."

& yet here you are, having learned fuck-all about customer service & basic manners in all the years in between!

Fourtights · 22/02/2020 15:46

I think it was very rude of her. I bet she wouldn't have dared to have spoken like that to an adult.

I can't bare it when adults get all superior to children who don't know something. How is a child/young person supposed to know something if they haven't been taught it?

messolini9 · 22/02/2020 15:46

It was a little rude but how they suppose to know she has processing difficulties?

She didn't need to know that the DD had processing difficulties in order to repress her rudeness. She chose not to because DD is young enough to be bullied without too much risk of come-back.

RiftGibbon · 22/02/2020 15:50

I have a friend who has processing issues, who would have asked the same question. My friend is well over 17 (3x that age) and had lived indepently for many years.
The shop person was rude.

Original poster
DorkingMum · 22/02/2020 15:51

I suppose what the owner said wasn't technically correct anyway. If she'd said, "you need to give it to your mum to pay" it would have made more sense. This was the same person I'd spoken to (she knows me) the day before.
DD also said if she'd said it was the 'bill' she'd have understood, but really wasn't sure what an invoice was.
She has managed to sign for parcels, complete UCAS forms and Driving Test forms, so she's not exactly an idiot.

Anyway, not a big issue. Just interesting.

OP posts:
JudyCoolibar · 22/02/2020 15:51

It was a little rude but how they suppose to know she has processing difficulties?

That's exactly why the shopkeeper shouldn't have said it. Criticising your customers is pretty stupid anyway, but it's a particularly dick move to do so without reflecting that they might not be feeling well, might have a disability, etc.

Maduixa · 22/02/2020 15:53

Bit rude and unprofessional - no need to ask your DD's age and make a comparison. It sounds like the owner just didn't realise your DD had a bank transfer pre-arranged and was specifically asking how to handle that - owner was likely expecting cash/card payment or details on an account to charge. Still, not a big deal. If DD's dwelling on it, I'd just tell her it was a mix-up and it's settled now.

saraclara · 22/02/2020 15:55

Of course she was rude! I'm amazed that anyone's thinking otherwise or seeking to minimise it. Jeeze. If I was handed something like that at 17, I wouldn't have known whether I needed to sign it or not, either.

Why anyone's blaming OP's DD I don't know.

krustykittens · 22/02/2020 15:55

Some adults have a big problem with young people and they should be challenged on their rudeness. We live in the middle of nowhere but have a public footpath running near our house. I found it astounding that people sometimes harass my daughters for being in the garden or out in the field looking after their ponies. Asking them if they are supposed to be there or accusing them of trespass. Yet it never seems to happen to me or their father. I don't believe for one second that these people believe my daughters are up to no good as I don't believe anyone sane thinks that teenagers break into other people's houses to fill up bird feeders in their PJs or trespass on land to steal horse shit (yep, someone really accused them of this). They just seem to hate teenagers taking up an inch of space in public. This woman was very nasty in her dealings with your daughter and I would be saying something.

Asthenia · 22/02/2020 16:05

I can’t bear people that try to embarrass others or make them feel small for asking questions. Especially doing it to teenagers ffs. Just answer the question politely, even if you do an inward eyeroll. The other comments she made were completely unnecessary too.

bringincrazyback · 22/02/2020 16:11

Rude and insensitive!

bringincrazyback · 22/02/2020 16:13

It was a little rude but how they suppose to know she has processing difficulties?

Do you mean it would have been fine for her to be rude if she knew someone didn't have processing difficulties? No it wouldn't.

PlanDeRaccordement · 22/02/2020 16:13

Yes That was rude.

janemaster · 22/02/2020 16:16

Yes rude.
But to the person who said they would not be rude to an old person who did not know what to do - I can tell you plenty of people are rude to old people who do not know what to do.

Deadringer · 22/02/2020 16:16

I think implying that your customer is a bit thick, or at least immature, is pretty poor business practice.

catpoooffender · 22/02/2020 16:19

Why should a 17 year old know what an invoice is?? Confused Unless she had been working as an office clerk I don't see why she would have come across one. Even if she knows what they are, I can totally understand why she didn't know what to do with it then and there.

I would have been confused by that myself at that age, and indeed even now (many years later) I find financial documents confusing at times.

Musmerian · 22/02/2020 16:21

Very rude. I wouldn’t use her again and I’d tell her why. Totally unnecessary on her part. Your DDs question was perfectly reasonable.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 22/02/2020 16:21

Rude, and who cares how old she was when she moved out i doubt she'd have responded in that way to a 40 year old

Bawbags · 22/02/2020 16:22

I had phoned a print shop I use locally

I would probably change this now. Perhaps go in to pay cash and let her know it'll be the last time. There are other print shops where they don't treat customers rudely.

I was 16 when I moved out and into my own rented place. Had a job, paid my own rent and everything. Even now as I near my 40's I might have to ask about any paperwork I am handed in a shop! Yes I know what an invoice is but sometimes you are handed something that needs a signature. The woman was rude and this was confirmed by the fact she asked your daughter her age in order to belittle her further.

It may only be slight and not matter much in the grand scheme of things but still, fuck her.

Original poster
DorkingMum · 22/02/2020 16:23

Thing is, DD was confused as to why she was being asked how old she was (slightly panicking she needed to be 18/ needed a credit card or something...) so she didn't pick up one the barbed comment until later.

OP posts:
wotsittoyou · 22/02/2020 16:24

Your DD didn't know what an invoice was; now she does. That's great, no?

MsPeachh · 22/02/2020 16:24

Rude! I didn’t encounter an invoice until I was 21 and doing office work! Never had any reason to deal with one before then.

SachaStark · 22/02/2020 16:27

This is one of the many reasons I am continually glad to be an adult now.

I remember growing up and feeling so awful whenever somebody made me feel small for not knowing something yet.

Like when I was 14 and just started working in a hairdressers’ and didn’t know what all the types of different coffee were like yet on the coffee machine, or when I was 16 and started selling store cards, and didn’t know what a lady meant when she said she was “blacklisted”. It was totally excusable that I didn’t know these things as a young teen, and I wouldn’t have known what an invoice was at 17 either.

I teach teenagers now, and I NEVER belittle them for asking questions like that. We’ve had some nice chats in the sixth form common room over the years about how to fill forms in correctly, and apply for finance, etc.

YANBU, the lady was bloody rude to your daughter. “I left home at 16.” Bully for you, doesn’t seem like you’ve enriched your life much by experience since then.