AIBU to get annoyed at drivers who let me out of side streets or in traffic?

[Manchestermanchester]

I turn right into work every day. There is a turning lane and there are many business where I work. The traffic coming towards me isn’t bad as there is a set of traffic lights that keeps the traffic light.

However I’m always getting flashed to turn right when I don’t see the point - I can wait an extra few seconds for cars to pass.

This annoys me because I’ve already got it in my mind to turn right when the road is clear (it’s never more than a few cars). It’s not just a simple case of turning right as soon as I get flashed - I have to look to see there are no cyclists (we have plenty), that there are no pedestrians are crossing the road and check again to make sure the road is also clear and the driver has travelled at speed to me and will crash into me. Waiting for a few cars to pass, which takes a few seconds seems the preferable way.

There is also the insurance issue. If I turned and I crashed into the other car, or indeed a car that stopped in front of the car letting me out, I’m at fault. Furthermore I might get rear ended. Plus I don’t flash people a thank you for letting me through. It’s too easy to mistake that for “come over through” plus I’ve got to have both hands on the steering wheel.

No doubt I’ll get a bunch of people saying I’m rude or whatever, are you going to pay for my insurance claim?

@MapMyMum that’s now how insurance companies view the driving world or indeed driving instructors. You give way to oncoming traffic. If you crash into anyone, that’s tour fault. As a cyclist it’s also better to give way to oncoming traffic to know a cyclist isn’t hiding on the side of a car.

110 - Flashing headlights. Only flash your headlights to let other road users know that you are there. Do not flash your headlights to convey any other message or intimidate other road users

But what else can/would they say as a default, especially as they know the vast majority of people reading the HC will be learner/new drivers? They need to protect themselves - and readers - and not presume any prior knowledge or ability to make any but the basic black-and-white judgements.

Most drivers will specifically avoid flashing a learner driver so as to avoid confusing them or inviting them to act outside of their comfort zone.

It's a bit like when you buy a new lamp or radio or something and it says "Consult a qualified electrician if you are in any doubt" when it might be something as simple as changing a blown fuse or fitting a new plug. The majority of people would know what to do and ignore that, indeed some of them will be qualified electricians; but the advice is assuming a potential lack of the simplest knowledge or confidence in what you're doing, just in case.

I find this annoying as a pedestrian. On my way to work I have to cross at a junction of a roundabout near the train station. I often wait for a while to get an opportunity to cross, as so many drivers fail to indicate or have the wrong indicator flashing. There are two lanes of traffic each way (with an island in the middle. I also regularly get waved across by drivers but if I am not sure that it is safe - i.e. if it is possible that a car from the second lane is not indicating properly and will be continuing and maybe merrily mow me down... Then I wait. Sometimes this means I have to do my own waving to say go ahead to the car driver - really annoying.

It almost always happens when the car that stops has nothing behind it so there is no inconvenience to me if it passed me, and a pointless pause for the driver. But if I do wave them along I invariably get a frown from the Mr/s Nice who feel their gesture has been diss'ed - but as a pedestrian I feel very strongly that only I decide when I cross the road and I have instilled that in my children as they have to take responsibility for their safety not leave it to a car driver.

A couple of years ago my Ds was hit by a van on a pedestrian crossing, the driver had gone through a red light, even when the traffic lights say it is safe to cross it isn't always safe. Ds was lucky and not badly injured but it was a horrible experience and confirmed why I feel so strongly about only crossing a road when I feel it is safe.

There is no kindness to not following the road rules, causing accidents and also confusing other road users.

Is there no room for common sense, though? That's the kind of attitude that 'jobsworths' frequently take, to the chagrin of all. In extreme cases, that leads to officials refusing to rescue a frightened child stuck in a tree because they 'haven't been trained' to use an 8-foot ladder.

New drivers can take a few extra seconds to get a gear

If you’re waiting to pull out of a junction, you’re already in first gear all ready to go when there’s a gap in the traffic. You shouldn’t be waiting until it’s clear to engage the right gear.

the issue is at what point do you know they aren’t going? New drivers can take a few extra seconds to get a gear and people make decisions slower than others. So for example the other driver might pull out because you flashed them, but they were just taking longer than your allowed time, they crash into you...

When you're an experienced driver, you learn to read other people's actions and, in some cases, can work out what they're likely to do before they've worked it out themselves. It's not usually difficult to look at a driver's face and upper body and see whether they're making checks or movements in preparation to go or if they're just staring out of the side window at a passing dog, oblivious to your presence.

I really dislike it too
Find it very dangerous driving behind a driver who does this.

It is really scary that there are so many nervous and hesitant drivers on the road that have no ability to do anything other than what was taught and is in the highway code.

The whole OP screams of someone who isn’t very confident in the road.

I’m quite sensible in regards to letting people out - I check behind me and if it’s clear carry on. If I’m in a queue of traffic there’s usually a culture of let one car out and then proceed on. To me, there isn’t anything wrong with that, everyone is confident enough to allow someone out and drive on. It’s not someone screaming ‘look at me” it’s people doing the right thing and ensuring traffic runs smoothly without people being delayed in their journey.

I think that in very slow moving traffic it is sensible and considerate to let others go and it keeps everyone moving. But I cannot bloody stand it when people flash me to let me out on a 30mph road with a normal amount of traffic on it, especially if I can literally see a gap coming up a few cars behind them.

And I have never come across someone who doesn't roll there eyes or gesticulate angrily when I wave them on with a "no thank you". Which makes me agree with this It's got nothing to do with actually being nice, it's way more to do with " Look at me look at me what a lovely person I am ". IMO people get pissed off if you don't go when they let you out because you're bruising there do-gooder ego.

Plus pp's have raised a very good point about scammers.

I was in an accident a few years back. Two lanes of traffic going the same way. Man in the right hand lane stopped and flashed a car to come out of a side road on the right hand side. I was coming up the left hand lane and the car pulled out and crashed into me. I never flash people out now because of this.

There's a road near me where weirdly everyone seems to have got into the habit of giving way to traffic turning onto it at a t junction contrary to the markings / signs. I've been nearly hit, beeped/ sworn at and pursued home as a result and a motorcyclist was recently hit there which I wonder about. I'm not sure who these drivers are that have decided road markings/ the highway code are somehow quaint customs.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll it’s not though. It’s more inconsiderate to dictate when other drivers should drive, which are against the Highway Code and also will make someone at fault in an accident.

It’s more inconsiderate to dictate when other drivers should drive, which are against the Highway Code and also will make someone at fault in an accident.

They are offering you the opportunity to check your junctions, mirrors and for cyclists and pull out without the threat of another car coming into your path. If you’re genuinely that inexperienced you cannot cope with a driver trying to aid you then you need extra lessons.

And before we get the it’s not aiding speech, it is if you’re going to have a ten minute wait to get out.

I've been driving for many years and usually clock up over 50k miles a year.

Many parts of the HC are actually legally enforceable and the rest is considered good safe practice. Many of the posters in this thread are in for a shock if they ever have to take a driving test again.

I absolutely refuse to come out if someone flashes me and the traffics not moving at a snails pace, and it’s nothing to do with not being confident, I’m a very confident driver with 20 years experience.

It’s after I saw a lot of “crash for cash” scams in the news where someone flashes you to come out then drives into you and claims you pulled out in front of them and claims all sorts of injuries on your insurance.

I make my own decisions about when it’s safe to pull out and stick to the Highway Code as much as possible.

OP just shake your head and wave them to keep moving. If they get annoyed at that then they’re obviously not being ‘kind and considerate’ they’re being controlling.

FFS... jobsworth 🙄

OP YANBU
It boils my blood. Hate it hate it hate it.

Even if you wait you will still have to check for pedestrians, cyclists, cars pulling on to the road. Think on your feet, you cant plan too far ahead, things change.

Yabu.

If I am trying to turn right out of a road I am always happy if someone lets me out.

BUT I don't like it if I am trying to turn in and someone flashes me to go, and there isn't anyone behind them - they've clearly not looked in their mirror. I also don't like it if pedestrians are in the process of crossing that side road - they have priority, but are usually ignored by the "helpful" driver.

And as a pedestrian, it's not always helpful when a car stops for you, most of the time I'd rather you get past and I can cross behind you. And DON'T stop if the light is green for you and red for me - it's not fair on the cars behind you. I just deliberately look the other way. I've been beeped by drivers for not going when they've called me on! I will make that decision, thank you!

I don’t think that half of the people who respond to driving posts on mumsnet actually drive. I have seen so many posts where people say they don’t leave gaps to side roads, never go if they are flashed out. If this is genuinely indicative of the general driving public, none of us would ever get anywhere.

It’s after I saw a lot of “crash for cash” scams in the news where someone flashes you to come out then drives into you

This is why you need a dash cam.

As an ex-driving examiner I can tell you op that your level of confidence which you have described is extremely concerning

I don't. I think the OP has a point. It's no good someone flashing her to go when she needs to check lots of other aspects of the road at that time - eg cyclists, pedestrians, maybe an extra lane.

If you are genuinely an ex-examiner or in fact just a day to day driver, I think you would appreciate that driving isn't easy and people "being nice" isn't always very helpful.

I have seen so many posts where people say they don’t leave gaps to side roads

I think this happens more often than not in real life!

*I have seen so many posts where people say they don’t leave gaps to side roads

I think this happens more often than not in real life!*

So much for driving in line with the Highway Code.