AIBU to get annoyed at drivers who let me out of side streets or in traffic?

[Manchestermanchester]

I turn right into work every day. There is a turning lane and there are many business where I work. The traffic coming towards me isn’t bad as there is a set of traffic lights that keeps the traffic light.

However I’m always getting flashed to turn right when I don’t see the point - I can wait an extra few seconds for cars to pass.

This annoys me because I’ve already got it in my mind to turn right when the road is clear (it’s never more than a few cars). It’s not just a simple case of turning right as soon as I get flashed - I have to look to see there are no cyclists (we have plenty), that there are no pedestrians are crossing the road and check again to make sure the road is also clear and the driver has travelled at speed to me and will crash into me. Waiting for a few cars to pass, which takes a few seconds seems the preferable way.

There is also the insurance issue. If I turned and I crashed into the other car, or indeed a car that stopped in front of the car letting me out, I’m at fault. Furthermore I might get rear ended. Plus I don’t flash people a thank you for letting me through. It’s too easy to mistake that for “come over through” plus I’ve got to have both hands on the steering wheel.

No doubt I’ll get a bunch of people saying I’m rude or whatever, are you going to pay for my insurance claim?

Then that's your problem justaboy.

I get more annoyed when i flash or indicate or wave to let someone out and they wait there looking gormless:(

Ha ha, how dare you talk about OP like that

Agreed OP.
Unless it's obvious the driver has been waiting for ages and probably isn't going to get out anytime soon due to heavy traffic, I don't see why we have to stop driving to let them out. It's highly fucking annoying when the car in front does that, causing people behind to brake as well as holding up traffic. Some people are just idiots with no awareness.

It’s been a while since I was rear ended.

Wow, Im quite shocked. It is up to each driver to read the road. If you get flashed or waved out, they are not telling you that it is clear to pull all the way out, they are saying that they will wait and let you edge out in front of them which allows you to either pull straight in or to check the next lane is clear more easily.

If you are that worried about being rear ended or the person who flashed you to go suddenly driving into the side of you, then buy cameras front and back, then you will have all the evidence you need to show you are not at fault.

I live in a very busy area and if I never let anyone out or edged out when someone flashed me then Id never get anywhere. I am a fairly confident but not cocky driver though, and I am good at reading the road both in front and behind me

The way I look at it, anyone pausing to let me out is saying they personally won't impede my exit. They are NOT saying the road is clear for my manoeuvre - that's for me to assess.

This discussion is quite useful www.drivingtesttips.biz/flashing-headlights.html It also mentions something that I do quite often, which is to slow enough to allow a gap for someone to pull out, but not stop. It's common where I am, which is busy, but nowhere near as crazy as London. Essentially you unofficially treat junctions a bit like roundabouts.

It's mildly annoying if someone tries to let you out when there's a big gap behind them, or someone else obviously around, but it's not one of my major bugbears. I get more annoyed at people speeding so you cannot pull out at all. If you drive below the limit and to the conditions, traffic flow tends to be better as people can actually get out.

I drive a lorry for work so it's obviously slower at manoeuvres. When people flash to let me out it's really helpful. I always make sure it's safe to turn before turning and if I'm not 100% sure then I done turn and wake them on. People never seem annoyed when I don't want to turn.

I agree with a pp, it's more annoying when you are flashing someone to go and they look weirdly at you. Nothing wrong with shaking your head or waving them past.

Nothing wrong with putting your hand up to say thank you. How do you manage to change gear or put the sun visor down if you feel you need both hands on the steering wheel all the time.

Although this thread has now reminded me of one thing which was irrationally very annoying. I used to train police horses. Part of their training was to make sure they could stand quietly by the road. An enormous number of drivers used to stop and wave us across. No, I do not want to cross. I'm teaching the horse to stand still.

It got to the stage when the civilian grooms couldn't undertake this part of the training but had to hand the job over to uniformed officers. Drivers then seemed to accept that they were just standing around rather than waiting to cross.

You should only really be letting people out if it’s safe to do it. Slamming your brakes on to let someone out of a side street is not good.
I will let people out if I am stopped or in slow moving traffic, because it is considerate of other road users and keeps things moving.
I don’t think anyone on here is advocating slamming brakes on and endangering other road users. It’s just the people that are either new to driving, or just not very confident don’t seem to understand that being let out of a junction is not an order to move immediately come hell or high water, but another driver being considerate and briefly holding a lane of traffic, So you can safely navigate your way out of a junction.

I think it's okay to flash if for example there are cars parked in the road and you have to pull over to give way to flash or if as the driver emerging into the main road you can clearly see nothing else coming, but I know people who have had accidents, almost been in accidents and seen accidents caused by one person who thought they had control of flow of traffic and the person beng flash not seeing a car overtaking, traffic coming the other way, or bike/bycicle also on the road.
It does happen and because of that I never flash someone to cross traffic.

@Bawbags
I think you live in the town next to me!!
Trundling drivers stopping for every bloody thing oblivious to what’s behind them, who in their right mind let’s a feckin tractor out?!?
It is not kind or considerate, those slating the OP are wrong, no need to wave anyone out side streets, filter lanes, just bloody drive.

vanhi has it exactly. This is your lack of confidence OP- I can't be doing with dithery drivers, they cause so many accidents.

People randomly letting people out really irritates me. It's got nothing to do with actually being nice, it's way more to do with " Look at me look at me what a lovely person I am " when in fact they've just held up all the people behind them , on one particular road near me doing this often then snarls up two lots of traffic lights and blocks the road for 15 minutes odd due to everyone getting sorted out again.

Entertainingly for the first time in 40 years I've seen a collective agreement on this road that people randomly letting side street drivers out are dicks. Often the person on the side street waves them past and rolls eyes , people behind make their annoyance known , it's become a known thing .

Most of my town works if you just follow through signs and traffic lights as requested, it's always some idiot thinking they know better that snarls things up (well and the psychotic bus drivers hopped up on bovril in our area but they are frankly a law to themselves and noone is going to risk messing with that mafia if you ever want to be able to cross a road safely again !)

The way I look at it, anyone pausing to let me out is saying they personally won't impede my exit. They are NOT saying the road is clear for my manoeuvre - that's for me to assess.

Yes, this.

Quite often, there's adequate room and time for you to go without causing any disruption to the flow of the traffic unless somebody suddenly decides to be an aggressive arse and intimidate you by roaring up to make a pathetic point. Sometimes, by flashing their lights, it's their way of saying "If you're happy, feel free to go in that gap - I'm confirming that I'm NOT an aggressive arse who will try and intimidate you if you do."

"You are complaining about an act of kindness and other people are joining in to complain"

it's almost like... people just want to complain. Any excuse will do.

Fair enough if they'd just accept the no thank you shake of my head but this idiot women yesterday just carried on trying to get me to pull out.

Accept the no thank you and move out of my way.

I don't accept the flash onto a motorway at face value either- I'll be accelerating hard to make sure I have sufficient clearance to pull out or I'll hang back a little to let them go in front. I'll ignore that flash. It's my call.

From the highway code:

110 - Flashing headlights. Only flash your headlights to let other road users know that you are there. Do not flash your headlights to convey any other message or intimidate other road users

It doesn’t annoy me, they’re usually just trying to be nice. But there have been a lot of “crash for cash” scams around recently, where they’ll offer to let you go then slam into you. As it wasn’t your right of way they get a nice claim for the full value of your car and probably ‘whiplash’, and you lose your car and your policy goes up.
I rarely take them up on their offer to let me in now, I make a sort of go ahead gesture with my hand and wait my turn!

@zebrapig EXACTLY

If I'm slowing down to let people go and flashing/gesturing them to do so, and they make no attempt whatsoever to start going in about 10 seconds or so, I just keep going and don't think any more about it.

They may have hesitated because: they're not a confident driver; they know something that I don't (e.g. they will need to swing suddenly straight into a driveway after turning out, their car has gone into limp mode); they haven't seen me because they're looking down at a map or grabbing a drink or something.... I don't want to hold up the traffic behind me, so I just accept that going now isn't for them for whatever reason, leave them to it and continue on my way.

@lljkk acts of kindness are offering to help someone with their heavy shopping, giving up your seat to another person, letting someone have your email despite your hungry belly.

There is no kindness to not following the road rules, causing accidents and also confusing other road users.

@Manchestermanchester As an ex-driving examiner I can tell you op that your level of confidence which you have described is extremely concerning.... As is your somewhat blurred perception of the Highway Code.
I suggest you contact a local Instructor and either take a block of 5/10 lessons or if, as I suspect you may be, you're within 12 months of passing your test then you can do what is called 'Pass Plus' which is roughly 6 hours and exists to help new drivers improve their driving skills and increase confidence on the road.

It also reduces your insurance somewhat

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll the issue is at what point do you know they aren’t going? New drivers can take a few extra seconds to get a gear and people make decisions slower than others. So for example the other driver might pull out because you flashed them, but they were just taking longer than your allowed time, they crash into you...

When you think you've seen it all! 🙄

@Emmelina yes that’s the unfortunate part and why I drive how I was taught to drive (Overseas but same theories apply). I can’t get out the mentality that you follow the rules. I would also not flash someons