For being hurt by a stressed bride?

[Alracalpaca]

My friend of 6 years got married last weekend. I was a bridesmaid. She had been pretty much a nightmare throughout the entire planning process, acting like a toddler and throwing tantrums at the drop of a hat. For example, she screamed and slammed doors when she went shopping with her maid of honor and didn't find anything she liked (they went shopping for fun, not looking for anything specific).

Anyway, I live in a different country now so I flew back for the wedding (11-hour flight) and then went for a dress fitting the next morning (the dress fit no problem as I had sent my measurements to the dressmaker the week before). I had lost some weight because I haven't been well (Crohn's disease). She immediately commented on it and I told her I had been sick and changed the subject. She didn't ask any follow-up questions and we went on with wedding activities. It might be worth mentioning that she spoke non-stop about her own (planned) weight loss during the preceding months and weeks, so she is a little obsessive.

I helped her pack and drove to the venue, where I (and the other bridesmaids) started doing whatever she needed. However, she was SO disorganized, making it really challenging to get stuff done. We managed in the end, but she would get angry if we asked her for more information or any assistance we needed.

I was still cutting and pasting the guest book instructions in a frame, writing and folding place cards and trying to figure out the seating chart that she had changed the night before ON THE DAY OF THE WEDDING. I also crashed my rental car trying to transport food (and had to play it down or she would have been angry).

She didn't like her bouquet created by the florist so I redid it an hour before the ceremony. And throughout all of this, she was telling anyone who would listen that her bridesmaids were doing nothing and were not helping at all.

When I was finally dressed and finished doing my makeup, she told me I was not allowed to walk near her going down the aisle. And then, during her husband's speech he said: "And to Resident who came from overseas, we are so happy your dress fit because apparently you lost some weight." He is not the type to notice or care about something like appearances, and his speech was written, so I knew she was behind it.

I was so humiliated and hurt and just overwhelmed by everything so I burst into tears. Another bridesmaid saw and comforted me. Later she told the bride that I had been very upset. The bride texted me today and asked why I was so upset, and acted like I was overreacting and misreading all her "sarcastic comments," implying that I am too sensitive. She seems really annoyed.

Am I wrong to feel upset and hurt? She doesn't seem to think she is in the wrong, and maybe I should be more forgiving because brides are stressed.

[SnoozyLou]

GOOD!

[Whynosnowyet]

You rock op!!
Too many people accept being treated shoddily by so called friends...

[saraclara]

Well done, OP!

[CoraPirbright]

Excellent work OP! Bet that felt cleansing!

[BumbleBeee69]

well done OP ... I do love a happy ending 😊

[Alracalpaca]

Update: she responded. Pretty much what I expected. She said she can’t apologize for something he said, and that she would obviously NEVER say anything awful about her bridesmaids and that she’s so grateful for my help. And if she did say something, surely I must know she was just sarcastic and surely I know her better than that???

No remorse. No taking responsibility. It immediately reminded me of the narcissist’s prayer:
That didn’t happen.
And if it did happen, it wasn’t that bad.
And if it was that bad, that’s not a big deal.
And if it is a big deal, that’s not my fault.
And if it was my fault, I didn’t mean it.
And if I did mean it…
You deserved it.

So... I guess that’s that.

[BlackCatSleeping]

Nicely done!!

[BlackCatSleeping]

Crossed posts!

I’m not surprised by that at all, but I think she’s shown you that you were right in your actions.

[MrsAJ27]

Well done for calling her out on her bullshit...people like that never change

[gamerchick]

No remorse. No taking responsibility. It immediately reminds me of the narcissist’s prayer:
That didn’t happen
And if it did happen, it wasn’t that bad.
And if it was that bad, that’s not a big deal.
And if it is a big deal, that’s not my fault.
And if it was my fault, I didn’t mean it.
And if I did mean it…
You deserved it

Text her that back and tell her to fuck off.

[gamerchick]

I always fall out with the bride when I'm bridesmaid. To the point I refuse to do it anymore. It brings out their dark side sometimes.. or every time with me.

[bubblesforlife]

She's toxic OP.

Sounds like the friendship is over, as I'd be surprised if you wanted one with her after how badly she has behaved. No disease, no wedding will ever be a reasonable excuse to be a total bitch. But then to add salt to your wound, to see no wrong doing is just narcissistic behaviour you don't deserve.

Losing a friend is hard, I know, I've just lost my best friend over my wedding. Except she was the bridesmaidzilla, and me the foolish bride that took it from her to be left utterly heartbroken now!

My advice, either way, make a decision about your friendship, and if it's over, get your closure now. Don't leave loose ends. Say your piece to her then move on. I haven't confronted my bridesmaid, and I regret it. The relationship has just died, and she's gotten away with it. Have no regrets like I have.

[SnoozyLou]

I think I could forgive, if not forget, a lot of it, but not the groom's speech. And I would have regretted not responding to that. My god, he must have sounded such a jerk - there's no way of looking at it where he doesn't sound odd at best, and at worst a complete twat.

But if you look at it from another point of view, at least they are a good match. Sounds like they truly deserve one another.

[FascinatingCarrot]

You've said your bit beautifully. She has responded exactly as the toxic person she is - demonstrating this wasnt just a stressed bridezilla. Now block and move on.
I've got Crohns too and you do not need any more stress to exacerbate it. Take much care. Its godawful at times.

[yellowallpaper]

Wow. She's lucky you didn't tip the champagne over her head and walk out.

[Alracalpaca]

@yellowallpaper Ha! No I went another way. I tipped it down my throat and tore up the dance floor. Mostly to avoid her and the groom (they don’t dance) but also partly to get through the evening without falling apart.

[MzHz]

She wrote his fucking speech and used it to humiliate you, what a total bitch and a thundercunt to blame her husband!

I hope all the wedding party now see her for what she is, and she can go fuck herself if she thinks she is entitled to even look in your direction

I’m speechless

[Kastanien]

I don't think her saying that her comments were 'sarcastic' makes it any better. Sarcasm is not really a positive thing, if she were using it as humour maybe, but clearly she was having a dig at you. Saying her comments were sarcastic is just like admitting they were hurtful, which they were.
She could absolutely apologise on behalf of her DH though, and ask him to text his own apology.
Personally I would just respond with the OK. thing and then not reply to anything ever again from her.

[Muckycat]

What a pair of wankers who thoroughly deserve each other. I would send her a copy of the narcissist's prayer you posted (probably publicly), block on all platforms and never speak to either of them again.

[dwum]

Well done! I would also post that prayer .

Did any of the other bridesmaids respond?

[Alracalpaca]

@dwum the bridesmaid who comforted me at the wedding told me she is proud of me, and both of us have agreed to cut ties with her. Her other bridesmaids were her MOH, her sister and her niece. So at least two of them kind of have to put up with her going forward.

[incognitomum]

Oh well, at least her reply makes binning her easier

[StoneofDestiny]

Bravo OP - job done. Tip some more champagne down your neck and move on from this grim person.

[SauvignonBlanche]

Well done OP

[dwum]

As there are two of you, you can reste assured that what the bride is telling you says more about her than you.

You are better off out of it.