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AIBU?

For being hurt by a stressed bride?

157 replies

Alracalpaca · 21/02/2020 20:21

My friend of 6 years got married last weekend. I was a bridesmaid. She had been pretty much a nightmare throughout the entire planning process, acting like a toddler and throwing tantrums at the drop of a hat. For example, she screamed and slammed doors when she went shopping with her maid of honor and didn't find anything she liked (they went shopping for fun, not looking for anything specific).

Anyway, I live in a different country now so I flew back for the wedding (11-hour flight) and then went for a dress fitting the next morning (the dress fit no problem as I had sent my measurements to the dressmaker the week before). I had lost some weight because I haven't been well (Crohn's disease). She immediately commented on it and I told her I had been sick and changed the subject. She didn't ask any follow-up questions and we went on with wedding activities. It might be worth mentioning that she spoke non-stop about her own (planned) weight loss during the preceding months and weeks, so she is a little obsessive.

I helped her pack and drove to the venue, where I (and the other bridesmaids) started doing whatever she needed. However, she was SO disorganized, making it really challenging to get stuff done. We managed in the end, but she would get angry if we asked her for more information or any assistance we needed.

I was still cutting and pasting the guest book instructions in a frame, writing and folding place cards and trying to figure out the seating chart that she had changed the night before ON THE DAY OF THE WEDDING. I also crashed my rental car trying to transport food (and had to play it down or she would have been angry).

She didn't like her bouquet created by the florist so I redid it an hour before the ceremony. And throughout all of this, she was telling anyone who would listen that her bridesmaids were doing nothing and were not helping at all.

When I was finally dressed and finished doing my makeup, she told me I was not allowed to walk near her going down the aisle. And then, during her husband's speech he said: "And to Resident who came from overseas, we are so happy your dress fit because apparently you lost some weight." He is not the type to notice or care about something like appearances, and his speech was written, so I knew she was behind it.

I was so humiliated and hurt and just overwhelmed by everything so I burst into tears. Another bridesmaid saw and comforted me. Later she told the bride that I had been very upset. The bride texted me today and asked why I was so upset, and acted like I was overreacting and misreading all her "sarcastic comments," implying that I am too sensitive. She seems really annoyed.

Am I wrong to feel upset and hurt? She doesn't seem to think she is in the wrong, and maybe I should be more forgiving because brides are stressed.

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LonginesPrime · 21/02/2020 21:52

Don't bother confronting her - she'll just see herself as the victim and gaslight you again.

If she had any conscience or empathy, she wouldn't have used her husband's wedding speech to publicly humiliate you.

She's not going to learn anything by being confronted and she doesn't deserve the satisfaction of reliving how much she hurt you. She knows she hurt you on the day so there's nothing more to say.

I just can't get over the notion that she would take attention away from what's supposed to be the happiest day of their lives to tear you down, OP - it's just so vindictive.