For being hurt by a stressed bride?

[Alracalpaca]

My friend of 6 years got married last weekend. I was a bridesmaid. She had been pretty much a nightmare throughout the entire planning process, acting like a toddler and throwing tantrums at the drop of a hat. For example, she screamed and slammed doors when she went shopping with her maid of honor and didn't find anything she liked (they went shopping for fun, not looking for anything specific).

Anyway, I live in a different country now so I flew back for the wedding (11-hour flight) and then went for a dress fitting the next morning (the dress fit no problem as I had sent my measurements to the dressmaker the week before). I had lost some weight because I haven't been well (Crohn's disease). She immediately commented on it and I told her I had been sick and changed the subject. She didn't ask any follow-up questions and we went on with wedding activities. It might be worth mentioning that she spoke non-stop about her own (planned) weight loss during the preceding months and weeks, so she is a little obsessive.

I helped her pack and drove to the venue, where I (and the other bridesmaids) started doing whatever she needed. However, she was SO disorganized, making it really challenging to get stuff done. We managed in the end, but she would get angry if we asked her for more information or any assistance we needed.

I was still cutting and pasting the guest book instructions in a frame, writing and folding place cards and trying to figure out the seating chart that she had changed the night before ON THE DAY OF THE WEDDING. I also crashed my rental car trying to transport food (and had to play it down or she would have been angry).

She didn't like her bouquet created by the florist so I redid it an hour before the ceremony. And throughout all of this, she was telling anyone who would listen that her bridesmaids were doing nothing and were not helping at all.

When I was finally dressed and finished doing my makeup, she told me I was not allowed to walk near her going down the aisle. And then, during her husband's speech he said: "And to Resident who came from overseas, we are so happy your dress fit because apparently you lost some weight." He is not the type to notice or care about something like appearances, and his speech was written, so I knew she was behind it.

I was so humiliated and hurt and just overwhelmed by everything so I burst into tears. Another bridesmaid saw and comforted me. Later she told the bride that I had been very upset. The bride texted me today and asked why I was so upset, and acted like I was overreacting and misreading all her "sarcastic comments," implying that I am too sensitive. She seems really annoyed.

Am I wrong to feel upset and hurt? She doesn't seem to think she is in the wrong, and maybe I should be more forgiving because brides are stressed.

[Serin]

Tell her you haven't lost any weight at all, you just look like you have compared to her huge weight gain (joke).
Please dont tell me you spent a fortune on flights for this ungrateful lump.
I would tell her why you are upset and that your friendship is over. Walk away OP, you are worth so much more than this

[Bella2020]

Bridezilla needs to stop blaming you (and everyone around her) and take a long & hard look in the mirror. She was utterly awful to you and publicly shamed you for your disability! That is unacceptable and no real friend would do it.

11 hours flying time sounds like a good distance to keep from her.

[BlackCatSleeping]

The rest of it was horrible, but the comment during the speech really crossed a line. I honestly wouldn't know how to respond to her, so I'd probably just ignore her and consider the friendship over unless she apologised.

What do you feel like doing?

[Alracalpaca]

In the years I’ve known her, I haven’t seen her apologise once, so I don’t expect I would get a sincere apology. I think she meant to hurt me and she did. So I guess don’t really feel like I want someone who would do that to me in my life anymore. But it feels really sad too, because ending any relationship is never pleasant.

[TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre]

She was a bitch. She probably always has been but you’ve not noticed.

This.

People who are generally nice, and pleasant, and caring people tend not to turn into arseholes around their wedding. Arseholes are generally always arseholes, just the focus of "their day" gives them an excuse to be even bigger arseholes.

You don't have to "end the relationship". Just let the relationship end. There will have been many relationships in your life that fizzled out and faded away without any big moment or declaration. Let this one be the same.

I've never known a nice bride to get stressed and act like a bitch. There's usually very little to actually do for a wedding because most people book professionals to do what needs to be done. All the "extras" are just that. Extras. Not necessary to the actual getting married but. If the place names weren't done, people would have sat somewhere etc.

You've done your duty. She wasn't grateful. You won't have been the only one to notice.

[Durgasarrow]

I completely understand why you cried. I think her lack of compassion about the pain you have suffered, the lack of caring as a friend about your experience as a human being under stress, and her desire to single you out and attack her for it when you have gone out of your way to be generous to her is truly shitty.

[eaglejulesk]

I don't think I would be wanting to continue this "friendship" to be honest. She sounds like a right bitch, and the stress of a wedding is no excuse to behave as she has. She needs to grow up - I pity her husband!

[Wonkybanana]

Dear Bridezilla

I'm sorry I was such a disappointment to you as a bridesmaid. Henceforth, and in order to save you any further distress, I shall remove myself from your life.

Best wishes and goodbye
Alpaca

[Italiangreyhound]

I am so sorry that this woman was so incredibly mean and unpleasant to you. Utterly undeserved.

"But it feels really sad too, because ending any relationship is never pleasant."

It doesn't need to be unpleasant if you are the one ending a relationship with someone who is so cruel and unpleasant and undeserving of your friendship.

Sounds like she is either overweight or thinks she is and took your weight loss as some sort of personal slight! Very sad for her to be such a horrible person about it.

[Daftodil]

Whether you've lost weight on purpose or through ill health, it is completely unnecessary and totally mortifying to have this brought to the attention of a room full of people!

What on earth possessed the husband to put this in his speech?!?!

[TheSerenDipitY]

Ghost that bitch!!! no replys, no reasoning, just ghost her, she is a true bitch! plain and simple and now you have seen who she really is and how she really acts, she isnt going to change

[LorenzoStDubois]

What a horrible woman .
oh well, her big day in the sun is over now and all she is is some dude's wife. Poor bastard who married her.
Unfriend.

[Jossina]

Nothing that a bride has to do/chooses to do is stressful enough for you to be treated as you were. Hope you cut off all contact with her. And I hope you feeling better.

[redcarbluecar]

She sounds dreadful. Her whole behaviour around the wedding, not just the speech comment. Does she have some redeeming features?? Anyway I’m sure that distance is the best thing now. I don’t know if I’d text her again or not.

[BoredOfTheBoard]

I'd be glad I lived.so far away and just not get in touch or see.either.m of them again.

About the speech, you will have felt hurt and.singled out but I bet evry person there was thinking what a bastard about him

[Piglet89]

In the years I’ve known her, I haven’t seen her apologise once.

This is a massive red flag OP as it goes right to the heart of her character. Her behaviour on this occasion was an absolute disgrace. But, more widely, we do make mistakes sometimes as we are human. But being unable to apologise for those mistakes is really bad and a big character flaw.

I had a friend who could be very selfish and self centred. The final straw was her saying something really hurtful about her opinion about my relationship with my husband. She really hurt me but I knew she wouldn’t apologise and I knew I couldn’t move forward - so I cut ties; something I never do. I don’t regret it: she is emotionally immature and seriously lacks self awareness.

Your “friend” sounds similar. Bin her and move on.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

I think I would either ignore / block her or send something like this “I am sorry that you are jealous I have a painful and debilitating disease. Getting your husband to discuss my health in front of a room full of your guests is disgusting. Do not contact me again.”

I understand she was stressed. But she actually just sounds nasty. Bless you.

[Jenasaurus]

I would walk away from this friend, it seems she is jealous of you, her comment telling you not to stand to close to her during the ceremony makes it obvious. You helped her massively with the wedding prep and this is how she repays you, you have nothing to lose by shutting the door on this friendship

[HomeMadeMadness]

She sounds awful and what a weird comment to make in a wedding speach!

[MadamePewter]

Oops! I have voted wrongly- YADNBU, sorry for clumsy fingers 😳

[Bikerider2020]

She's a complete bitch and her DH is pathetic for adding that to his speech

[TheFuckingDogs]

I always wonder what happens to people like this after the wedding?! So much energy and build up then it’s gone and they’re not “the bride/princess” anymore - OP be glad you’re not her husband!

[Thisisshit123]

She sounds massively jealous of you saying don't walk near her and to put it in dh speech omg wow, just be glad you don't have the jealousy eating you up inside! Be glad you live far from her.

[Howzaboutye]

She does not sound like a good friend. Ditch her

[Firelink]

Lol i love weddings that go wrong.