For being hurt by a stressed bride?

[Alracalpaca]

My friend of 6 years got married last weekend. I was a bridesmaid. She had been pretty much a nightmare throughout the entire planning process, acting like a toddler and throwing tantrums at the drop of a hat. For example, she screamed and slammed doors when she went shopping with her maid of honor and didn't find anything she liked (they went shopping for fun, not looking for anything specific).

Anyway, I live in a different country now so I flew back for the wedding (11-hour flight) and then went for a dress fitting the next morning (the dress fit no problem as I had sent my measurements to the dressmaker the week before). I had lost some weight because I haven't been well (Crohn's disease). She immediately commented on it and I told her I had been sick and changed the subject. She didn't ask any follow-up questions and we went on with wedding activities. It might be worth mentioning that she spoke non-stop about her own (planned) weight loss during the preceding months and weeks, so she is a little obsessive.

I helped her pack and drove to the venue, where I (and the other bridesmaids) started doing whatever she needed. However, she was SO disorganized, making it really challenging to get stuff done. We managed in the end, but she would get angry if we asked her for more information or any assistance we needed.

I was still cutting and pasting the guest book instructions in a frame, writing and folding place cards and trying to figure out the seating chart that she had changed the night before ON THE DAY OF THE WEDDING. I also crashed my rental car trying to transport food (and had to play it down or she would have been angry).

She didn't like her bouquet created by the florist so I redid it an hour before the ceremony. And throughout all of this, she was telling anyone who would listen that her bridesmaids were doing nothing and were not helping at all.

When I was finally dressed and finished doing my makeup, she told me I was not allowed to walk near her going down the aisle. And then, during her husband's speech he said: "And to Resident who came from overseas, we are so happy your dress fit because apparently you lost some weight." He is not the type to notice or care about something like appearances, and his speech was written, so I knew she was behind it.

I was so humiliated and hurt and just overwhelmed by everything so I burst into tears. Another bridesmaid saw and comforted me. Later she told the bride that I had been very upset. The bride texted me today and asked why I was so upset, and acted like I was overreacting and misreading all her "sarcastic comments," implying that I am too sensitive. She seems really annoyed.

Am I wrong to feel upset and hurt? She doesn't seem to think she is in the wrong, and maybe I should be more forgiving because brides are stressed.

[Booboostwo]

This is just awful! Her DH must be just as bad to even contemplate saying something so hurtful, in public, about a friend who had flown from the other side of the world to support their wedding. They are both awful people, never speak to them again.

[Truth22]

Friendship over!! What a jealous biatch!

[CoraPirbright]

I would reply to her:
I am not being over-sensitive. I flew 11 hours on a flight that cost X plus holiday days to be treated like a skivvy by a foul-tempered, tantrumming bride who kept insisting that her bridesmaids weren’t helping. We rushed around doing everything, transporting food, re-doing your bouquet, finalising the table plan and were then faced with utter ingratitude. To cap it all off, instead of being happy and celebrating your marriage, you got your husband to bring up my weight in front of a room of over 100 people. I totally understand that being a bride can be stressful but that doesn’t give you the right to behave like a total bitch. Don’t bother replying - I am blocking you.”

And I would copy in the other bridesmaids.

[Bawbags]

@CoraPirbright never mind CC'ing the other bridesmaids in, I'd be posting that shit directly to her FB Page for all to see!
Bitch needs called out. Then blocked.

And to the PP who said to say that you won't be attending her next wedding? Thanks. I actually spat my tea reading that.

[fivesecondrule]

No you're definitely not been unreasonable... she sounds awful. I'm really surprised the groom agreed to say what he did in his speech because whilst you feel hurt and that was totally wrong of them- they've really just embarrassed themselves to everyone else!

To be totally honest though- the key to all this is that you live an 11 hour flight away... sounds blissful!

[HeadachesByTheDozen]

Definitely do what CoraPirbright says and cc the other bridesmaids. If you post it to her facebook, she can delete it before the other bridesmaids or anyone else gets to see it. Unless you post it on your own page that is. Regardless, she truly needs to be called out, and publicly. People get away with being a bitch because no one calls them out. She hurt you in several ways, and treated you, and the other bridesmaids, like shit. She needs to be called out, and I think Cora's post, word for word in a group text, is excellent. It's about closure for you - and the other bridesmaids.

[PixieDustt]

She's a complete bitch and her husband is just as bad aswell. Good luck to them!
I'd ditch the bitch!

[partofthepeanutgallery]

I'd post that, too, on your own page so she can't delete it. Tag the bridal party. Then block her.

[Whynosnowyet]

Call her out op.
Why wouldn't you?
Then block her.

[saraclara]

Groom could have said "Thanks Alracapaca for going to such huge lengths - an eleven hour flight, to celebrate with us" but instead focused on you 'selfishly' losing weight.

I think I'd be pointing out to the bride the lengths and cost involved in you attending her wedding. And then just end the friendship. She's really not worth another minute of your time.

[saraclara]

Yep. Cora's message is perfect. Use a group text, definitely, but preface your message by quoting what she said to you, so that the bridesmaids have context.

[GinDrinker00]

@CoraPirbright reply is perfect. Send it.
What a cuntwaffle!

[Blondeshavemorefun]

Fly back 11hrs and never see or speak to the woman again

[Fuckitwhynot]

Was coming on to say basically what CoraPirBright said. Stand up for yourself to this awful woman. She’s behaved appallingly.

[Notonthestairs]

There is point holding back now - your friend and husband very deliberately upset you in a public arena knowing you would not be able to defend or explain. They held the power and decided upsetting you was more important than graciously thanking you for attending.

Send Cora's message. It won't lead to an apology but you will feel like you've defended yourself and that's always worth doing.

[Hopoindown31]

Sounds like her DH is just a pushover enabler. He should have skipped over or as libbed instead of just reading out the snarky comments.

I think you are best if just letting the friendship drift away.

[DesLynamsMoustache]

What an absolute horror! You poor thing

[Hopoindown31]

Also, was this in North America? I've attended a couple of weddings in the US and have been utterly shocked at how grabby they are, how much shit (and own money spent) bridesmaids are expected to tolerate and how acceptable it is for brides to behave like total Divas. Luckily I was a minor guest on both occasions.

Sadly I see the same attitudes developing in the UK. People just need to call it out.

[StoneofDestiny]

Cora's message nails it and leaves her no room for doubt what the issues are.

[Gadgnkk]

This is pretty easy.
Ditch, delete, ghost.
If you're ever challenged, reply with: "do some research on Crohn's disease."

[billy1966]

Perfect message from @CoraPirbright and definitely copy others.

Well did.

[Gadgnkk]

And/Or, you could email the husband and tell him a few key bullet points about Crohn's disease and say that you thought his mentioning of your weight loss due to serious illness was appalling.

[Gobbycop]

She sounds like a fucking idiot not a friend.

[Pppppickupapenguin]

Either ghost her or if you want to give back, comment how strange you thought it was that her new husband was obviously admiring your amazing figure during his own wedding. Such a shame he already has his eye elsewhere don't you think......

[Alracalpaca]

@Gadgnkk what kind of makes this worse in a way is that part of the reason we became friends and bonded in the first place is that she has an autoimmune disease herself (lupus) so it’s not like either of them are ignorant about how difficult and painful these conditions are. She has used her disease as an excuse over and over for snapping at people and being unpleasant and her pain has always trumped mine. That’s why after I said I hadn’t been well I immediately changed the subject. I think she’s gaslighted me into instinctively shoving my feelings and needs aside and walking on eggshells around her.

Thank you to everyone for your support and advice. Reading your replies made me see how toxic she is and it made me angry enough to realize that I needed to get this off my chest. I did tweak Cora’s response slightly but that’s basically what I replied to her a while ago. No response yet but I feel better emotionally. I also took screenshots and sent them to the other bridesmaids.

And thank you for the kindness and concern for my health. I am still struggling but it is slowly improving again and hopefully I will be over the flare soon enough.