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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not attend DFriend's wedding because of DS?

437 replies

Refreshed · 21/02/2020 12:11

The bride to be has asked me via text today if she can ask a favour (complete with that annoying monkey emoji with its hands covering its face)

She asked if I would mind just putting my DS in something basic she picks out for him, as she knows how I have the best ideas and how lovely I dress him and doesn't want him mistaken for the wedding party.

I have no idea what she's going on about. A few other friends have been invited to the wedding and they've received no such texts about their DC clothes! I find it so bizarre.

Would I be unreasonable not to go now? It's in March.

She asked me to style her flower girls and paige boys. She know full well I wouldn't dress my own child in the same as them.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
SnoozyLou · 22/02/2020 15:44

@Evilspiritgin How did the mutual friend know who OP was unless the bride had shown her the text? Singling OP out wasn't particularly kind either.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 22/02/2020 15:46

Is there a chance that she thinks you are miffed that your son isn't in the bridal party and that you might try get him in through the backdoor? Has she mother family members who are miffed that their children aren't involved and just want to be sure too be sure that he won't be dressed similarly. Kids formal outfits, regardless of whether they are bridal party or not are all pretty much the same. I got my 14 year old son a suit for his uncle's wedding. Turns out it was the same suit as the 8 year old page boy. Different shirt and tie though!

This is probably coming from her getting hassle from someone else..

Jux · 22/02/2020 15:50

If you go to a smart do, then you dress smart; guests dress smart for a wedding, and generally no one worries that the male guests in suits will be msitaken for WP males in suits.

OP, I would just ensure that my child didn't wear the same colours as the wedding party, and then you're good.

L0bstersLass · 22/02/2020 15:52

@Refreshed
It really isn't that formal.

Oh but it is.

It is bonkers of the bride to suggest she picks the outfit for your son. However, if you think the pics are not formal then you have a different view to most people.
I suggest you choose a less formal option that suits your taste and send the bride a pic so that she knows what you're planning to dress him in and she can then calm down.

JudyCoolibar · 22/02/2020 15:58

The frilly shirt is going to make people think you wanted your son to be in the wedding party. Whatever you do, please go for a plain one.

FrankRattlesnake · 22/02/2020 16:48

I hope the bride to be remembers that a wedding is about love and kindness and having your friends and family there is much more important than the photos. She will bitterly regret not having you there in the future all over what a 2 year old is wearing.

I’m not a fan of your chosen style but that doesn’t make it right or wrong. Looks perfectly presentable and totally reasonable for a wedding, maybe a little cold for March though.

There’s too kuch crap in the world right now to fall out over a 2 year old outfit which will be worn for a matter of hours and have nothing to do with what the bridal party are wearing.

But op you don’t get off scot-free, I think yabvu to even consider not attending over this.

You both need to get a grip, if you don’t it is a reflection of a shallow friendship.

yabadabadontdoit · 22/02/2020 17:07

Surely the plural pp are taking the piss about means OP and partner? So is perfectly normal?
Agree with pp saying this thread shows the worst of Mumsnet. OP is upset by her friend, who thinks her style is good enough to ask her to find the bridal party’s outfits, but not good enough for her son to wear. Pp might not like the outfits op does but there’s no need to be nasty, the Aibu was not about his clothes but about the bride making her feel awful.
Bride, if you are reading, you’ve upset your friend, sort it

Tigger001 · 22/02/2020 17:12

I think it's unreasonable not to attend and a strange reaction to a friends strange txt. (And it is strange and unreasonable of your friend. I'm assuming you are not known for trying to upstage people, even then though, at my wedding, I really wouldn't have cared )

For a first reaction to be "I won't attend" seems a little childish/knee jerk . If your friend has said they will call later see how that transpires.

I don't think the outfit is overstated or unique by any stretch so she probably won't mind at all once she sees the outfit. It's a pretty common "go to"outfit for weddings and events. She may find your son is not the only one in it.

Talk it through once she rings back, I'm sure she will be fine,

fargo123 · 22/02/2020 17:16

The bridezilla is being ridiculous. Imagine being so insecure that you're worried about what a guest's baby/toddler will be wearing at your wedding.

There's nothing wrong with a small child wearing that outfit to a wedding.

Jack80 · 22/02/2020 17:41

I wouldn't respond, I would just put my child in what I wanted

galaxybuttons · 22/02/2020 17:50

Don't people go crazy over weddings?! I think the style for your young son is lovely and appropriate as a guest...... unless the page boys and bridesmaids outfits are also white and pale blue and then I can see why your friend maybe concerned! It's unfair of your friend to ask you to put your son in something basic - we all like to scrub up and look our best at weddings! I hope you don't fall out with your friend though & she gets over being a bridezilla. ☺

Original poster
Refreshed · 22/02/2020 17:54

We have spoken. Bride has been in tears on the phone to me. Someone shit stirred to her that I was dressing DS in the same, exact same, as the page boys (her sons).

This is the same person who told her I created this friend. Bride to be and me have had a good laugh and that person is no longer welcome at the wedding!

OP posts:
Standrewsschool · 22/02/2020 17:56

Glad it’s all sorted.

AnneKipanki · 22/02/2020 17:57

Yes, glad it is resolved.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 22/02/2020 17:58

Great outcome for you but I don't understand what you mean by you "created"

AnneKipanki · 22/02/2020 18:00

Thread , not friend . Typo.

SauvignonBlanche · 22/02/2020 18:00

People do the strangest things.

Cheesoholic · 22/02/2020 18:00

Spot on!

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 22/02/2020 18:01

Aaah that makes sense, what an absolute shit stirrer.

saraclara · 22/02/2020 18:05

I'm so glad that this ended well, OP!

And what a terrible thing for the 'friend' to do. Seriously, what's wrong with people?

Passthewinebottle · 22/02/2020 18:05

Thank you for the update OP! Excellent outcome for all involved & the B2B doesn't have to waste her hard earned on a twat 'friend' 🙌🏼

Happyher · 22/02/2020 18:08

Just say yes and the dress him however you planned and just enjoy the wedding. Your interpretation of basic is not going to be the same as hers. She’ll probably be much too busy on the day to notice what DS is wearing. Suspect this is someone else whispering in her ear

OhCaptain · 22/02/2020 18:09

Thread , not friend . Typo.

Name change?!

MyHeartIsInCornwall · 22/02/2020 18:12

I was going to say it sounds like someone has been stirring the pot to me. I don’t think it would have even occurred to me to ask any of my guests what they or their kids were wearing to my wedding, and it probably wouldn’t have occurred to your friend until this happened, either.

Glad you got that sorted. I hope your friend and her partner, have a fantastic day when it arrives, and are surrounded by family and true friends 😉 🥳 💕

crapette · 22/02/2020 18:14

Name change?!

No, AnneKipanki (great name!) was replying to the poster above her to clarify the OPs typo.

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