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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a 75th birthday is not cause for a massive celebration?

238 replies

Spodge · 20/02/2020 17:34

DM will be turning 75 this year and has made it known that she wants a huge fuss made of her. She made no particular fuss of DF when he turned 75. It was just treated as a normal birthday.

I've always thought that the milestone birthdays are 18 and/or 21 and then 30, 40, 50 etc.

Just interested in whether others count 75 as a milestone.

OP posts:
longtimemarried · 20/02/2020 18:23

I turned 75 last year, didn't want a big splash, just thankful that I reached it!

justasking111 · 20/02/2020 18:25

Do not know the OPs financial circumstances £500 a night might be a big chunk of money for them.

LeMaFe · 20/02/2020 18:28

She’s not unreasonable to want a family get together but £500 is too much to ask others to pay for the accommodation. I’d love to get a cottage and have close family together for my next milestone birthday but I can’t afford it and wouldn’t expect everyone to fork out for it. The important thing is to have the people I love around and the celebration itself comes second.

Would your DF have wanted/appreciated a fuss making on his birthday or was he not into that sort of thing? Some people want no fuss, others a big old bash and everything in between. I don’t think there’s a wrong or a right or an appropriate or inappropriate birthday to make special.

Alsohuman · 20/02/2020 18:28

£500 a night is a lot of money for most people I imagine.

Mummyoflittledragon · 20/02/2020 18:29

On average women live to 75 so it feels like a big deal to her. So nIce of her to offer to spend 1k of your money though. Hmm. If she wants a bash, she needs to pay for it... or ensure what you do you’re both ok with and it’s within your means.

I do understand the point about your dad. How about doing something special for his next birthday even if that’s going to be 77 or whatever.

Arthritica · 20/02/2020 18:30

75 is a big one, we celebrated DF and DPIL with a big celebration meal with all the extended family.

EuroMillionsWinner · 20/02/2020 18:30

Do not know the OPs financial circumstances £500 a night might be a big chunk of money for them.

And the mum wants 'a couple of nights'. I don't know many people who can just chuck over £1000 on just the hotel for someone's birthday.

TheDarkPassenger · 20/02/2020 18:32

None of my grandparents made it to 80, my parents are 60s atm so Yeha, if they wanna celebrate their 75 we will be celebrating their 75th.
My gran died a month short of her 80th Sad

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 20/02/2020 18:34

I think by the time you're 70 you then get to celebrate as a milestone birthday every 5 years as you dont know if you'll make another milesfons

Nanny0gg · 20/02/2020 18:35

If you want to go and can afford it then go.

If you can't afford it then don't.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 20/02/2020 18:37

Yes, I would. Any reason why she shouldn’t?

youwereagoodcakeclyde · 20/02/2020 18:37

If she gets to 80 and isn’t as well or as keen/able for a big birthday, you may regret!

fluffiphlox · 20/02/2020 18:38

Wait and see until if and when you make 75 whether you think it’s worth celebrating.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 20/02/2020 18:42

£1000pp is preposterous.

katy1213 · 20/02/2020 18:47

She shouldn't have to 'make it known.' You should be doing it anyway: cake, flowers, dinner out at the very least.
How many milestone birthdays will she have left?
Hope your children are equally enthusiastic when it's your turn!

passthetequila · 20/02/2020 18:50

We held a family party for my Mums 75th on the basis that she had Alzheimer's dementia so probably wouldn't be aware by the time her 80th came round. She died less than a month after her 77th birthday so very glad we made the effort and we have some nice memories and photos.

DesLynamsMoustache · 20/02/2020 18:51

Yep 75 is a milestone in our family. My grandad only had two big birthday bashes post-retirement: 75 and 90!

DesLynamsMoustache · 20/02/2020 18:52

But she is BU to expect people to afford that much. A fuss can be made without having people spend so much money.

MargotB7 · 20/02/2020 18:55

Well I'm having a garden party this Summer for Mum's 65th. Then again we're a "Any Excuse for a Party" family.

katy1213 · 20/02/2020 18:56

But if she wants to celebrate in a £500per night hotel, she should go on her own with your dad - and have a more low-key celebration with the rest of the family/friends. It shouldn't have to be flashy. Unless she's treating you all?

Hotchocolate321 · 20/02/2020 18:57

We made a big deal to celebrate my husband’s gran’s 89th last week, her mother died a few days before her 90th birthday (party all planned too) so you know just in case we make a big deal of every birthday now. If your mother wants a big thing, let her have one, I mean hopefully she’ll have another 25 birthdays and then some but well you never know. Let her have a celebration.

Doryhunky · 20/02/2020 18:58

She might die before she turns 80

bridgetreilly · 20/02/2020 19:04

People need to read the massive drip feed from the OP...

nagynolonger · 20/02/2020 19:05

I'll be celebrating my 66th when I eventually get a state pension. I know too many who never made it.

Aragog · 20/02/2020 19:06

Does it matter if it's not a 'hallmark milestone' really? Maybe she just wants a bit of fuss. Maybe your father just didn't.

Let's face it, there isn't really anything more special about a birthday ending with a 0 is there? It's still just one day and you're still only really a day older than the day before.