AIBU to consider smacking 2 year old?

[kayakingmum]

So far I have never smacked her, however a couple of days ago she bit my 8 month old son so hard through his trousers she broke the skin and caused a nasty bruise. I left the room with him (leaving her on her own which she hated). I was angry with her for about half an hour. Showed her what she did. Told her to say sorry. Her nursery teacher has had a quiet word with her as well.
The next day she pulled his hair very very hard so he really cried. Again I was angry with her. I have said if she ever really hurts DS again she will get a hard smack on the back of the hand.
She hasn't hurt him badly again (just stuff like sitting on him).

If you think my idea is unreasonable please give me an alternative strategy. I'm not sure what else to do. She gets loads of love and attention. Thanks.

OP be glad you don't live in Scotland or Wales.

The choice of smacking your child could see you arrested.

Hitting a child, or anyone of any age - call it smacking, and for some people that apparently seems to make it all right - is never ever justifable.

All it is going to teach you little girl is that bigger people can really hurt you when they hit you.

You need to make sure she's never in a situation in which she can managed to bite the baby, and certainly not bite him enough to cause skin damage through his clothes. How long were they alone?

Just keep reinforcing how we need to be kind with one another, show her how to kiss her brother, how to touch his face gently and so on.

She doesn't understand and quite honestly, if you're so angry with her that you have to leave a two year old alone because you're still angry after 30 minutes, you need to think about what your little girl is picking up from you.

Op- this sounds hard. It must be upsetting to see one child hurting another. But you’ve got to remain cool and in control.

She is old enough for the naughty step. It doesn’t work with them all but it is great with my DD. It is not an instant fix. DD often needed two or three time outs for the same type of behaviour before she got it. She’s four now and I haven’t had to do one in ages.

The most important bit is the hug and the chat at the end. It also gives you time to take a deep breath and sort out how you feel too.

Good Luck.

Don't do it op, I did with ds1 and it makes matters worse, makes you feel awful, doesnt achieve anything and makes your daughter feel like its ok to smack. I know what you're going through, my ds (he's 3) can lash out and does hurt ds2 (10 months) he also went through a biting stage when he was 2 which thank goodness he's now stopped. These are the things I've done

Very firm no and remove ds not baby from situation
Using time out chair
Get him to practice being gentle, loads of praise for any spontaneous gentle behaviour towards anyone
Reward jar, 10 token in jar he gets a treat
Get him to help me take care of baby, get me nappies, wipes etc
Put him in charge of getting babies toys when he drops them
Try and stop baby from getting his own toys, ask baby to give them back when he picks them up to show ds1 hows it's done nicely, as baby taking his toys is normally what causes him to lash out
Hope that helps.

this sounds hard OP.

I only have one thing to add, as someone a couple of years down the line from you.

Your two year old seems big now, compared to the baby. When your baby is two you will realize, with a slight feeling of horror, how little it is. And how you expected too much of your eldest.

Good luck

What DNAwrangler said.

I think it's a great idea, hitting your child hard as a punishment for her hurting her baby sibling. An eye for an eye, eh?!
No, it's not okay. She's 2. She's little more than a baby herself.
Try reading something by Janet Lansbury. It might help.

Obviously you are being extremely unreasonable to want to physically hurt your daughter.

Maybe some self care for you and some love bombing for your daughter? How much time does she get one on one with you? Her whole world has been turned upside down by the addition of a sibling and not much of an age gap - it's only logical she would act out.

Do you have any support available?

Only shit parents hit their kids. Grow up and take a parenting course 🙄

Don’t hit her. It won’t help, and you’ll feel terrible.

If it makes you feel better, my DD was awful for hitting me, right up to a few weeks ago. She’s 3. She hasn’t raised a hand for about a month now. It passes if you are patient and kind.

left the room with him (leaving her on her own which she hated)

Here is your clue

You may find these helpful - I find her advice can be absolutely transformative:

www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/siblings/child-hits-baby

www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/helping-siblings-get-along

I'm where you are right now with my toddler hitting my baby (same sort of age). I agree with everyone that hitting would be both wrong and counterproductive, but I do get why you are angry. I don't have the perfect solution yet -we are still working on it through a combination of lovebombing, praise and time outs where needed.

Ultimately, I NB think people expect Sibling jealousy to be s newborn issue, but actually it's really common further down the line. Your baby isn't just a cute dolly to your child any more, but one that can move, and wants to b play with their toys. Its really hard.

I did lol though at the simple solution people have of not leaving them alone. The majority of hits, kicks, slaps and pushes inflicted on my baby by our toddlers are whilst both are being closely supervised within arm's reach of me. Its a split second thing and my reflexes often aren't fast enough.

Or I could make sure that she doesn't go within half a metre of there baby, so that I have more warning, but then they'd never play together and the baby would never get hugs and kisses from the toddler either.

I believed it's a developmental stage, especially with siblings and to an extent we just need to ride it out

Are you actually for real. No don’t hit her

Hi OP. I've got two children with a similar age gap and it's really hard. You know YABU! I recommend a book called "How to talk so little kids will listen" really helped me. Also reward the good behaviour and ignore the bad. She is wanting attention at any level and as she's not getting the attention when she wants it she will worsen her behaviour until you give it to her. Any attention is better than no attention!
Try and arrange time jus the two of you too- have a love in!

Hitting / smacking children doesn't improve behaviour or life outcomes. If you look at the research on the effect of smacking, corporal punishment is associated with worse behaviour and increased chances of later mental health and substance abuse.

So aside from the fact that it's wrong, it also looks potentially counter-productive. I'm baffled by people who advocate smacking, esp. with a child so young. Morality aside, what's the actual point if you're not going to achieve the change you're seeking?

Looking back I was smacked quite a lot as a child (mid 70's child). It was common back then, I got the slipper, a belt on one occasion and smacked legs or bottom more times than I can remember.

My parents generation would say "ah but it didn't do you any harm". 40 odd years on, I still remember being smacked with a belt, is that harm? I'd say so, yes. Its a very clear memory and I was probably around 3 and a half, so one of my earliest memories.

There's no way I could bring myself to smack my child - I remember how I felt, so why would I inflict that on my child? There is no justification in violence towards a child (or anyone for that matter).

Time out and positive reinforcement work so why would you not use these instead of smacking?

Didn't want to read and run, while I have never hit my daughter I do get the frustration. It's hard sometimes and especially hard if They are hurting a baby, but in the same instance my daughter sat on someone else's baby at the play group yesterday if they had hit her I would have gone mental. I remember only being hit once as a kid, I was 6/7 I think and I hit my elderly neighbour (I was generally a nice kid apparently had my moments 😩) , dad gave me a swift clout back on the thigh, now I remember no doubt about that but I don't hate him for it I was definitely old enough to know better, but a 2 year old isn't really are they. You have my sympathy but it does sound like jealousy, one of my freinds had a biter and regularly bites my daughter it's horrid but in fairness hopefully just a stage. Naughty step is a good shout :)

Good luck op :)

She’s jealous of her brother, which is perfectly normal. I don’t think a very rare swat on the bottom is the end of the world, however I think time outs are a better option. Buy an ugly little chair, one that she won’t like to sit on. Place it in a corner. If she pulls hair/bites, she is put in the chair, facing the wall. One minute for each year, so currently two minutes.

You need to tell her why she’s getting the time out, and why her behaviour is unacceptable. If she gets up, the time starts again from the beginning. After the time out, have a little talk on why what she did is unacceptable, and reinforce you love her, but not her behaviour.

There’s 14 months between my daughter and son. I believe an older girl is the most difficult dynamic. Our daughter always tried to manipulate things to her advantage, right to their teens. Now as adults they are close.