AIBU to consider smacking 2 year old?

[kayakingmum]

So far I have never smacked her, however a couple of days ago she bit my 8 month old son so hard through his trousers she broke the skin and caused a nasty bruise. I left the room with him (leaving her on her own which she hated). I was angry with her for about half an hour. Showed her what she did. Told her to say sorry. Her nursery teacher has had a quiet word with her as well.
The next day she pulled his hair very very hard so he really cried. Again I was angry with her. I have said if she ever really hurts DS again she will get a hard smack on the back of the hand.
She hasn't hurt him badly again (just stuff like sitting on him).

If you think my idea is unreasonable please give me an alternative strategy. I'm not sure what else to do. She gets loads of love and attention. Thanks.

OP - the bear strategy is to walk away with your DS, tell her firmly no and keep doing this. If you over react to any biting etc it will make her do it more as she’s getting a lot of attention (albeit negative attention).

Keep telling her the positive message that we use kind hands / teeth are for eating with.

Try to supervise them at all times. Could DS have a play pen for those minutes you need to leave them for a wee? Could DS come with you? PPs are right that leaving them alone together even for seconds isn’t ideal.

I fully agree that smacking is never, ever the answer.

Oh and it is worse when they are tired/ hungrey etc. I think at this age it is about avoiding the triggers as much as anything else.

It sounds like you are tired and at your wits end which I can completely understand but violence is never the answer.

Have you tried positive reinforcement- praising her when she is good with her little brother, giving her important jobs she can do that he can’t. Making her know she is still just as loved.

I have a two year old and a sticker reward chart has gone well. Plus giving her a clap when she is good. We also do kind hands and read hands are not for hitting if she gets cross. She’s just not able to manage her emotions well at this age so try and support her. Good luck OP- it’s tough

I know it's not quite as simple as just don't leave them. I have got dc myself.

But surely nobody is that dense in this day and age not to understand that toddler can bite, and smacking them isn't just going to nip it in the bud.

It astounds me that people have children and are then shocked that the children behave like, well children.

Best not BEAR!

My brother use to bite DC, my DM gave him a hard bite back and he stopped. This was in the late 70's

Yeah sure he did

This is just a supervision issue - don’t give her the opportunity to act out.

Hurting her back/harder isn’t a solution.

Err no I don’t think you should hit her ( or anyone else). Firm no for the bad behaviour. Lots of attention to the child who’s been hurt. Reward the good behaviour, firm no to the bad. Repeat

Don't do it. They drive you mad, I understand but you will just feel a million times worse. There is also the possibility that it will become your 'norm' and be used as a regular way of discipline which I don't think would be helpful.

Even twenty years later my mum is riddled with guilt when she recalls all the times she smacked us as kids.

I know it's horrible when one of your children intentionally hurts another but she is still so little herself and it is easy to forget that when you have an even tinier one to protect. I'm sure others will have more helpful strategies but I would do all the basic stuff (which you probably already do), ensure she has one to one time with you when possible, praise for good behaviour, continue explaining to her that is not acceptable or kind to hurt her brother and make her apologise, make a fuss over her role as a big sister 'DD, your little brother thinks you are so clever/kind/etc' and although not directly linked, my DC1 loved hearing all about how they were/what we did with them when they were at the age DC2 was.

How has your DD found it since DS was born? Also worth adding that some kids can be a bit more handsy than others but soon grow out of it. My younger child is the same age as your DD can be pretty thoughtless and boisterous where DC1 wasn't at all and was often the one at nursery to recieve bites. I just keep correcting and reinforcing that physical violence isn't acceptable and model being gentle to each other and pets etc.

FFS. Really? You are really asking if it’s acceptable to hit a 2 year old?

A 2 year old? A baby?

It’s never acceptable to hit anyone. Does that help you? This is my polite answer by the way.

'basically, do what u feel is right. best thing my mom ever did was give me a slap.'

Yeah, never did you any harm, did it? Except that you think it's ok to hit a 2 year old - I'd be pretty concerned about that!

Lazy, completely agree. So many people are horrified at 2 year olds behaving like 2 year olds!

And please please ignore @bluebeau. They’re talking utter nonsense. It’s absolutely NOT best to smack a child and I dread to think how that could possibly be the “best thing” their parent ever did. She sounds mad.

If she does it again pick up the baby and walk away from her. Use a simple phrase like Stop, that's bad' I wont talk to you until you say sorry then ignore her. Only give positive reinforcement. Like when she does a good thing praise her but when she does a bad thing say a simple phrase and walk away. Once the situation has calmed down explain that hurting her brother makes you sad and is not nice and you won't give attention if she does it.

Smacking sounds a bit counterproductive here. Also she will only learn to fear you and it wont actually solve anything.

basically, do what u feel is right. best thing my mom ever did was give me a slap.

it may just be a faze for your 2yr old but honestly just do what u feel is necessary . hope it works itself out

Jesus fucking Christ! Are you for real? It's no wonder social services are run off the ground when people actually think "yeah hun, hit ur kid if u need 2, u no best xx" is an appropriate response to someone asking if they should hit their toddler!

Your toddler needs more positive attention from you, not punishment.
I understand having an 8mo and 2yo would be tough but smacking her will make it worse.

I'm confused as to why her nursery worker had a word with her assuming these incidents happened at home.

My God, I’m anti smacking,p but some people really need to come off their high horses. Can’t believe how patronizing/sarcastic and judgemental many of comments on here are. The OP asked for advice not sarcasm and judgement from the perfect parent brigade.

Also supervise her interactions far more closely with the 8mo. Don't give her the opportunity to hurt him.

@Lazymorningsareover What do you mean yeah sure he did.
He bloody well did stop biting when he realised the consequences of getting a bite back. He took a bite from a young babies face it was the last straw for DM, she bite hard into his arm, he never did it again. He is 47 now. I wouldn't recommend biting your child today.

So your going to do to her the very thing you dont want her to do?
I dont understand parents views on this, how on earth will it teach her right or wrong? Its just showing her that smacking is what you do in frustration.

You're not going to get anyone saying you should smack your DD on here so I'm not sure what the point of this post is tbh. Discipline your child as you see fit and good luck. Two is a tough age. You have my sympathy lol.

Yeah, don't hit your tiny child, it really isn't ok. There is also a wealth of research about how violence in the family has a negative outcome for all children.

It's your responsibility to make sure that your toddler isn't able to hurt your baby. It is unreasonable for you to expect your toddler to have the cognitive ability to fully regulate her own behaviour. You are at fault, not the toddler.

Perhaps you could find a relative to assault you if you make any such mistake in the future?

I have a 2 year old and i wouldnt think of laying a hand on him.
I also have an 8 year old with SEN and i dont lesve them alone together

Discipline your child as you see fit

Physical abuse isn't discipline.

You know ywbu to hit your dd. This is why you’ve come on here. I’m sorry that you’re at your wits end. I agree with the time out. A minute for every year of her life. So 2 mins. Lots of talking about being kind. Kind hands. If the youtube / Netflix videos suggested work, that would be great.

My God, I’m anti smacking,p but some people really need to come off their high horses. Can’t believe how patronizing/sarcastic and judgemental many of comments on here are. The OP asked for advice not sarcasm and judgement from the perfect parent brigade.

I'm sure I'm not a perfect parent. It's simply about having a few brain cells.

You don't hit a small child for something that is entirely normal behaviour.

There are so many other ways to deal with it.

Time out/naughty step, a firm "no/stop, that's not kind", not leaving them, this could be done by using stair-gates/playpen. Nurturing her relationship with her brother and showing her how to be kind.

Most kids will grow out of this perfectly normal stage without ever being smacked or bitten.