What does life look life from your age perspective?

[PrincessLouis]

Inspired by the thread about whether a wife with a high earning husband should give up work, in which a lot of 50s MNers were saying at their age all the high earning husbands have left the SAHM wives and married high earning women... I’m wondering what life looks like from your age perspective?

I’m ‘around’ 40 (ahem ), two professional jobs type life, my observations are:

1. Almost everyone gets married, so when you’re in your 20s/30s thinking it will never happen, it probably will. Haven’t seen much infertility but maybe that’s still to come given age. Most marriages seem healthy and strong
2. Seen two affairs, both ended marriages with kids
3. Mental health is a massive thing in lots of people’s lives - I think there is a lot of responsibility when you have young kids, need to earn etc and that’s often how the stress comes out, hoping this will get better as kids get older etc. Also know a few people our age with serious physical health problems
4. Interestingly with all the Caroline Flack stuff in the papers (not saying she did anything) we have known two cases of wife on husband DV, no husband on wife cases
5. Re my parents and their circle, health got quite wobbly for a few people around 60 so good to have financial options

@pleasestoprainingplease that’s exactly how I feel, spare cash is going into the children’s pensions etc.

Interesting. I am 40 next week, two kids, doubt we will ever marry. In my circle of friends it's about 50/50 married/unmarried.

Shut mental health and on anti depressants.

Mid 50s,
most friends married in their 20s, many are no longer married - which surprises me somehow. Some are widowed/ widowered. usually due to the horror that is cancer, but one whose husband had a terrible accident and one whose utterly lovely husband had a huge heart attack just before Christmas. Some affairs or almost affairs: some marriages weathered them and some not. Almost all the marriages have had rough patches if I'm honest.
Lots of worries about our children and the next generation, especially about their finances and opportunities. I would definitely say that our children are coupling up later than we all did - which may be a good thing! Also, amongst our children we have individuals who identify as transgender, lesbian, gay and asexual. Very different from our generation and there seems to be much more fluidity, but also more obsessing over it, weirdly. There are more mental health issues amongst our children, and they appear to be less resilient although they are obviously growing up in a very different world. I also find it really strange that our generation are more ethnically diverse - that could just be us as a group I suppose.
The biggest issues we are facing are pensions related and how long we will have to work and whether we will stay healthy enough to do so. We are also all dealing with bereavement, especially parents and the huge grief of losing them. Most of my friends have lost one or both parents and have had to deal with their parents' estate and all that entails emotionally.
On the plus side, as you get older you get less bothered about stuff, you feel more confident and comfortable in your own skin, and most of us in my group of friends are solvent enough to enjoy life and be having some time for ourselves.

I don't understand how to play this thread!

I'm 50+ & don't know much about other people's lives. I know a lot more married-forever than divorced people, I guess. Guy in my office is in his 20s & had a squabble with his girlfriend yesterday about a house they didn't get to buy. That could happen at any age, though.

I am late 40’s most of the women I know either don’t work or work part time. I am in a minority in my circle.

As regards marriage - again a bit of a mixture. I have friends who are unmarried but generally would agree.

I know quite a few people who have been through messy divorces and in at least 2 cases I can think of the SAHM has felt extremely vulnerable because she has given up work to look after the children

Lots of health issues in friends some brought on by stress. 2 friends have died from cancer and another 2 are survivors. difficult health issues with parents- cancer and stroke - generally difficulty moving around

I’m early 30s and recently married. I grew up near London and most of my friends from down there are unmarried with no children - in fact I only have 2 close friends with children.

My DH is from the north east and only one of his close friends is unmarried/without children. Quite a stark difference!

More of my friends are getting engaged now, I have 4 weddings this year and 1 next so far.

Mental health is a huge issue with people I know - most people I know have had some kind of struggle. Getting on the property ladder is an issue for a lot of my friends, as is finding secure work.

Generally I have a positive outlook on life, but I know everything can change in an instant!

I am 32. Most of my friends are married or in LTRs (a couple have recently come out of LTRs and one longterm single). All the women work; many earn more than their DHs or the same. Many have chosen not to have DC (myself included) which is interesting. All seem to be enjoying their careers, none earning megabucks but interesting jobs. Many have been travelling and worked abroad. We all still go on nights out a couple times a year and on holiday together (friends are from uni). Many have bought a property in the last few years but most had some help with the deposit (and bought outside London).

I don't really know about MH; depends what you are including in this question. Many people I know have had difficult times or been to counselling (including me) but not diagnosed with a MH condition iyswim. Everybody needs a bit of extra help sometimes IMO.

Honestly I think I'm incredibly lucky and I feel quite rich even though I earn nowhere near MN levels it seems (60k plus seems to be common on this site!) But maybe the reason is that I have no DC so no childcare costs etc. I have a fairly decent pension in the job I'm in right now so just hoping I can stay here and build it up. No idea if the state pension will still be around when I retire (if I ever get to retire!) I don't want a car or a big house either so that saves money.

Me and my friends graduated just after the recession and I think this affected us in that we have less expectations and don't define ourselves by our jobs as we've seen how precarious it all is now. My DPs generation seem a lot more concerned with their careers and feeling fulfilled by them to a greater extent. My DSis and her friends (5 years younger) are the same but they seem to expect even less; think they're all just living in the moment tbh.

*just to add DPs are starting to have health issues ranging from minor to more severe and this is a worry for me in the next few years.

Early 40s

• most people I know that are my age are married with primary age kids

• I have no idea what their mental health is like as everyone seems 'fine' on the surface (but I doubt that's the reality)

• I know a fair few families with both parents working

• I know a fair few family's with a stay at home parent (the mum in all cases)

• most of the families I know seem fine and functional and mum+dad seem in good relationships (but I doubt it's all as Rosey in all cases, as appears to be on the outside - a friend got divorced recently and u til she said anything, you'd have thought they had the perfect marriage)

I'm in my 60s and my generation are Baby Boomers caught up in the sudden increase in pension age.

Most people I know are divorced, often married again - we generally got married very young so unsurprising. Most women either had traditional female careers such as teaching or nursing or more lowly jobs.
DV and mental health issues are things we are now able to discuss. They always happened but were more hidden.
Most of us are grandmothers but our children either got married much later or not at all. We have been through the stage of looking after frail parents whilst having teenagers or being expected to help with young grandchildren. Others are having to retire early to become carers to parents.
We are concerned about the future for our children/grandchildren with Brexit and environmental issues. We are fitter and more active than our parents were.

mid 70s - short

Almost 60.
DH's career has moved sideways and income is down by two thirds but he can work another 10 years.
My 2nd career took off when I was about 57.
Most of our close friends are still married - none lived together except for briefly when engaged.
Most of us are worried that our DC will settle into good careers and find nice partners - DC mainly at or finishing uni.
DH and I have both lost a parent and friends' parents are beginning to ail.
Many conversations about retirement or semi retirement amongst us - and pensions - nobody looking to give up work entirely.
Our circle is largely professionally qualified/City.
Probably 8 couples who went to each others weddings and have stayed quite close - esp with all the overlapping godchildren, etc.
Looking forward to all the 60th birthday parties.
Surprised that quite few of the DC's friends split as the dc reached uni age - very sad.

Very interesting thread.

I'm late 30s, married for 19 years with two teenagers and a primary aged Dc. We started young, I have a degree and work in a social services related careers for shit money, DH has an MBA earns six figures. Nice house, Holidays etc, debt from home improvements.

Out of our friends all are still married. Some unhappily.

Some female friends haven't gone back to work, some work part time, some run their own businesses.

Parents still active and healthy.

Starting to really worry about money and the future._

I don't know of any affairs.