What does life look life from your age perspective?

[PrincessLouis]

Inspired by the thread about whether a wife with a high earning husband should give up work, in which a lot of 50s MNers were saying at their age all the high earning husbands have left the SAHM wives and married high earning women... I’m wondering what life looks like from your age perspective?

I’m ‘around’ 40 (ahem ), two professional jobs type life, my observations are:

1. Almost everyone gets married, so when you’re in your 20s/30s thinking it will never happen, it probably will. Haven’t seen much infertility but maybe that’s still to come given age. Most marriages seem healthy and strong
2. Seen two affairs, both ended marriages with kids
3. Mental health is a massive thing in lots of people’s lives - I think there is a lot of responsibility when you have young kids, need to earn etc and that’s often how the stress comes out, hoping this will get better as kids get older etc. Also know a few people our age with serious physical health problems
4. Interestingly with all the Caroline Flack stuff in the papers (not saying she did anything) we have known two cases of wife on husband DV, no husband on wife cases
5. Re my parents and their circle, health got quite wobbly for a few people around 60 so good to have financial options

I’m my late 50s.

Out of my friends a lot are single parents, very few work f/t most it is p/t or don’t work at all.
The rest have Dps/dhs who earn enough to stay at home.
I only know one woman who has a job and a husband.
Doubt any of the ones who are married will get divorced as neither wants to split the (in some circumstances) quite substantial assets

im early 30's

I agree that a lot of you perspective comes from your geographical location.

I moved from the South East to the South West

1.there seems to be a lot more drug use over here, but I don't think I was really socialising with people in the east who did any, so that's based on my social networks

1. Most people are either single with child/ren or married at this point

1. Nearly everyone I know has suffered with their mental health and talked about it/been on medication to help it

1. Some of the very few lucky ones (primarily men) are working hard in their careers and moving up. Most of the women I know have 'jobs' rather than 'careers'.

5.Some people are really torn at this age between wanting to grow up (have children etc) or hold on to their youth a big longer (raves and drug nights out)

6.People are really struggling with getting on the property ladder. They have less disposable income and end up having to ask parents to live with them for a while

1. Folks seem to really want the 'big wedding'. The weddings are getting bigger and bigger

1. Lots of people like 'living their live' to show other people on instagram what 'great lives they have'. It just feels like another pressure people take on that our parents would not have had

1. People are waiting longer and longer to have children. They cant afford it or they're not ready to let go of their current lifestyles.

10. Families don't seem to live geographically close anymore. Mine is spread out over the country

11. A lot of people still don't really know what they want.. they are just ticking along and getting through the week, month, year without too much thought about the future

12. hardly anyone has pensions

13. hardly anyone has actual savings above saving for their next holiday

14. Our parents age group seem to be having the absolute time of their lives. They have second homes in England they rent out. They buy holiday homes abroad. They have decent pensions and their health is generally great.

15. It feels like a lot of people are lonely

16. The government is squeezing everything and everyone. We don't feel there will be much for us when we retire.. if we retire.... we can basically hope for a standard pension and if were lucky we've just about managed to pay off our mortgage by 70. The government will make the nhs so dire that everyone will be forced to go private to get decent healthcare :(

I’m mid 30’s

1. All of my siblings,cousins and close friends and family are university educated.

2.Most ppl I know have got married, bought a house and had children by age 30. 3.Most have detached, 3-5 bed houses that they built themselves or renovated. A lot of us are mortgage free. 4.Nearly all my friends are SAHM or work part time. Most of their dh’s earn well over 60k. 5.No divorces or separations yet out of my close circle. 6.None of our dc go to private school funnily enough.

I’m 30 and just feel very lost.

I felt quite “immune” in my 20s and didn’t think about things as much as I do now. Things like I could potentially lose close family members within the next decade. I mean I knew one day it would happen, but it’s hit me like a ton of bricks since I turned 30. It just reminds me that life is moving on and people are getting older.

@Lipperfromchipper nearly mortgage free by your mid 30's? wowee.. thats amazing. which part of the country do you live in? Im buying a house near you!! :) I only know 1 or 2 people in their 30's who've paid off their mortgage with either inheritance or huge family help.

38 here.

1. Most folks are married, unhappily.

1. People are just barely above water financially.

1. Live abroad and the whole mental health thing is pertinent, but still a bit stigmatised. I also get the sense the government /education authorities don't want to open the flood gates on mental health because it's gonna cost a fucking fortune.

1. Seems like you have to have all the material goods - 2 cars, holidays, clothes, eating out etc. Seems like pensions and paying off the mortgage, paying into an Education fund etc take a back seat over disposable, let's say, 'fun'.

1. The boomers in my life seem to have cut a pretty good deal - retired at 60, house paid, loads of holidays, healthy. Plus the NHS will still be wobbling on to support them in really old age - and even if it isn't they'll be able to afford private.

I’m in my fifties.

Aware that life can come to an end, death and illness becomes part of the landscape.

A very interesting thread.
Regarding the boomers comment, so many people I know in their 60’s have poor health, it’s very sad. My own DM has advanced dementia and is only 69.

30s, London.

Those that bought property early (sometimes with help) are cruising along; those that didn't are "moving out" to zone 3/4 for more space or to finally buy.

Most people married. Only one divorce (so far, I guess).

Incomes vary hugely. Lifestyles vary hugely.

Most people have at least one child and are trying for another. A fair number with fertility issues.

No affairs that I know of but frankly at this age/stage of life I can see how they start to happen.

@hotcheesetoastie I’m in Ireland

I'm 32.

1. Most of our friends are married, and on to DC1 or have baby DC2. Most people got married before having DC, no close friends with DC are partners rather than married.

1. DH and I both have a few friends that are single, they all have good careers, usually involving travel. Go on good holidays! Our 2 closest single friends would both like a partner though.

1. Almost everyone with DC has bought a house or hopes to in the next few years.

1. Parents health is really variable, lots of the grandmas do regular childcare. My parents are healthy/working/can help with childcare (63 and 57). DHs mum (67) is starting to seem elderly. Similar with our friends, just over half the parents are fine, the other parents are starting to seem 'old' or have health probs.

1. Varied opinions politically but only 1 leave voter that I know of.

I'm 51

1. Most of my peers are either married, or cohabiting after divorce, most of us have older teenage kids. The majority of the husbands had affairs (my own included). No DV that I'm aware of but one friend was murdered by her husband recently.

1. I own 70% of my home, have a pension and hope to retire at 60. Although I'm cohabiting I have no real desire to remarry. My house is in my own name. I teach fulltime and find it increasing stressful and resent how much of my weekends/holidays it takes up. Most of my friends own their own homes, no one rents.

1. Lots of my friends have suffered with mental health and have taken medication for it or sought counselling.

1. My parents are late 70's and still healthy, they have a number of friends with dementia however.

I'm 50. DH (my 2nd H) is 47. Kids are adults now. We have a great lifestyle and feel very lucky. But my observations would be...

1. People are having children later and later (a lot of people our age have very young children, which seems alien to me now)

1. Men who settle down in their 20's almost always cheat later on. I think they get to a certain age (35/40?) and panic that they've not experienced enough vagina! In my circle, only one couple I know has survived - every man cheated after about 10 years of marriage, all marriages broken, apart from the one where the woman forgave.

1. Young people don't seem to be able to deal with any crisis, without declaring that they have anxiety or mental health issues : something that was never mentioned when we were young, you simply just got on with it.

1. Social Media is ruining society : people compare themselves to other people, and seem to forget that other people are posting edited versions of their lives, and only the best bits. I'm guilty of this, I will post when I am somewhere nice or on holiday, but I'd never post a photo of me clearing up dog shit at 6am. But I am old enough to know that Social Media is not real life.

1. People don't talk to one another like they used to. I'm sick of seeing couples, or entire families, or groups of friends, sitting in a restaurant, all glued to their phones. It's so unhealthy, and will ruin us as a society.

1. People don't see any problem with getting themselves into huge amounts of debt, for non essential things. For eg. a brand new car on finance, that you'll never actually own. Why not buy a car for say £2k, and actually own it?

1. Most people are terrified of being called phobic about something, and will follow the crowd blindly. It's like the Emperor's New Clothes (if you're old enough to remember that story). What happened to common sense? For eg. placing a rapist in a female prison, because he identifies as female, and then quelle surprise he rapes 4 inmates. Duh.

1. Women's rights are being erased. On our watch ladies! Women's sport will either cease to exist in a few years, as the trans "women" win at everything, or a woman will get killed by a trans "woman" and everyone will hopefully wake up.

1. People seem to be more self absorbed than ever before. I don't want to hear about how non-binary you feel (whatever the fuck that's meant to mean). I don't want to hear about how you exist on hummus alone and feel mentally affected by Bob's chicken sandwich being in the fridge at work, near to your hummus. Just fuck off! You're not special, you're not different! Stop being such a snowflakey baby.

10. Philip Schofield : describing himself as "brave" for coming out. Eh? You mean you've lied to your wife for 27 years? That's not "brave", that's you deceiving another human being, to protect your own image so you could be on kids TV. Stephanie now must wonder if her whole life has been a lie (yes), just as Philip skips off into the sunset with Dave. Uuurgh, makes me angry that! However, as per point 7 above, cue loads of posts on FB saying how wonderful he is for being honest. Erm, it's a bit late for that isn't after 27 years of lying to Steph

I'm 41...engaged but in no rush for a wedding as need to get mortgage 1st. Never married before
Friends are a mixture of single, wed, partners etc.

Mid 40s in Fulham / Chelsea / Kensington / Putney / Barnes area (in terms of friends and schools).

Most people are still married and seem happy enough. I can count on one hand the divorces, out if hundreds of families locally and in the various schools;

Nearly all the men are very high earners and support the entire family, plus independent schools etc etc

The men don’t work that hard anymore, but have invested well. Many self-employed these days, but are ex-bankers etc.

Everyone is obsessed with getting kids into the best schools / opportunities etc

Some women work, though it’s hard to tell. Most don’t. Many are retraining for “second careers” but it’s more for something to do outside the home, rather than the money.

Most people bought houses in the early 2000s and the house prices at least doubled within a few years

The DHs have a lot of hobbies which are typically extreme sports or cycling / car racing / triathlons etc

Most of the women do yoga or Pilates. Some do triathlons as well.

Most people look good for their age. Botox etc common, but not obvious.

Everyone worries about getting older.

Everyone worries about ageing parents, if they’re still around

Mental health is something people are aware of. Many see therapists of some description.

Some people have had health scares and this is a real fear

People like good quality clothes and stuff for the house etc, but nobody is flashy particularly

Most people are really friendly and decent - very few weirdos

I'm 64 and still in FT work. Friends a mixed bunch age wise from 7- to people in their 40s. Have lost a friend and a my husbands sister to cancer - both in their late forties. MIL is 01 and in a retirement home but takes a fair amount of my DHs time and my own in dealing with her finances etc although he is the one who does the visits * 4 a week and her shopping.

Have GC as do most of my friends but not all. I think life is short and you need to not put things off until the future as that may not come. Hoping my DH can retire early when I do (he is 6 years younger than me) so we are saving hard to make that happen

Here are some interesting perspectives here.

I'm nearly 40 and my observations are:

1. I would say there's a relatively equal split in people I know between marriage and cohabiting. Marriage does not appear in any way to improve the chances of you relationship being happy or staying together.

1. The divide between friends with dc and friends without seems to get bigger each year, I suppose because lifestyles are so different.

1. The people who didn't pursue a career-type job in their twenties are finding life harder than those who did.

1. People who didn't get help from family with deposits are still struggling to buy a house.

1. Lifestyle choices are increasingly about being able to care for parents as much as being able to care for dc.

Late 40’s
Menopause.
Sorry, what was the question?
Hang on, I need to put my fan back against my nose, trying to avoid my full on Mexican moustache...
Should I be angry about the question? Oh no, hang on, pass me a tissue, I’m feeling sad about it.

What was the question again?

Menopause is what life looks like from my age menopause.

Late forties, married 2O years, two teenagers, mortgage nearly paid off in the suburbs of London. Been quite frugal, saving lots and overpaying on the mortgage for the last 10 years.

Seen quite a few affairs and divorces in our circle and this is on the increase.

I would say 85% of circle are married with kids. A few with older, but many with younger kids too.

Incomes vary - but mostly quite affluent, middle class. Lots of competition to go on the biggest holiday, have the best car, best GCSE results etc. Hate this.

Seen many suffer with mental health. Balancing kids, work, the house, older parents, money and the pressure to maintain a perfect life/looks contributes to this.

Seen lots of health issues with parents/in laws who are in their 70s. Hearing so many stories of cancer, death amongst uncles, aunts and friends of parents.

I think there are so many other factors beyond age that could impact theses answers. One main factor for me is if someone lives in a small town compared to a city.

Mid 60s here.

Most friends, including us, are on second marriages, some with adult children, a few grandchildren but not many and about half child free. One friend still working (to support her bone idle husband). We’ve all paid our mortgages off, the few who haven’t lost their parents now look after them. I’ve been to two contemporaries’ funerals in the last year and my oldest friend is currently being treated for cancer.

I’m relatively content with getting old but very sad to no longer be an EU citizen - which I voted to be twice - and fearful of the future as the country lurches ever increasingly to the right and climate change worsens.

@crosser62 I really shouldn't laugh at your post but I did, a lot. I hope it eases off for you soon. I'm not there yet but not looking forward to it.

I'm 37, married with two kids, been with my DH 18 years and, oddly, many of my friends from my teenage years are single and not happy about it. Both of my closest girlfriends from secondary school are single and have mostly resigned themselves to remaining single. Two other female friends who are slightly younger have told me how upset they are about the prospect of never getting married and having kids - those were hard conversations. Three male friends from uni are long-term single - I know two of them would really like to get married (not sure about the third). My older sister (39) and her best friend (same age) are also single. Most people talk about the wedding treadmill that happens in the mid-30s but I have been to a grand total of four weddings, one was my own! I find it really really odd that so many of my oldest friends are single. In fact, now that I think of it, the majority of the ones who are in long-term relationships/married are gay (male and female). All the single ones are heterosexual. I have no idea why that is!

Most of my more recent friends are married but I think that's due to meeting them through the children.

As for the mental health thing - I don't know why anyone would expect to get to late 30s without some mental health issues, I mean no one expects to get that far without any physical health issues do they?

Would definitely agree about mental health. A significant number of my friends and relations around the same age as me are going through break ups with partners or are in abusive relationships where the root cause is mental health. People suffering from alcoholism, anxiety, depression, PTSD. The other thing that has struck me is that a lot of the people suffering from mental health issues are the “popular” people of our 20s/30s. Those who were always surrounded by friends, always out, seemed extrovert. Makes me look at people very differently these days.

Mid-late 30s here. My observations..

1. Most people my age have got married or are cohabiting
2. Those with degree or higher qualifications/higher paid jobs generally haven't had DC. (But those in their 40s plus mostly have). Those with fewer qualifications/lower paid jobs (male and female alike) generally have had dc.
3. Almost all with DC have very hands on involvement from dGPs. Almost all without DC don't see their parents much.
4. Lots of people have very, very little in terms of savings or a safety net. Including those who appear to be quite well off.
5. Almost everyone has experienced cancer in their close family/friends by mid 30s ☹️
6. A very high number of people have quite serious mental health issues, and often mask them rather than seeking help/sort

39 here and live in the North west in a small town near, but not one of, lots of wealthy Lake District towns.
Friends mostly married or long term partnered with Primary age children. That’s more default as have made most of them since having my own.
Most people have now bought their second, larger and for next 10 years house. If they haven’t bought it, they’re planning to
Most women don’t work or work part time. I’m unusual in working full time and having a career. All men have highly paid jobs and careers that are propped up by non-working wives.
Most people into running or another type of exercise. This is very different to 20s where main focus was drinking and having fun.
Parents are still young enough to not have serious health problems but are occasionally a worry
Most of us are pretty content - always busy, kids and jobs etc do that
Does feel very much like I’m on a treadmill compared to when I had no kids. Definitely an element of survival in day to day living which annoys me but I can’t shake it!