What does life look life from your age perspective?

[PrincessLouis]

Inspired by the thread about whether a wife with a high earning husband should give up work, in which a lot of 50s MNers were saying at their age all the high earning husbands have left the SAHM wives and married high earning women... I’m wondering what life looks like from your age perspective?

I’m ‘around’ 40 (ahem ), two professional jobs type life, my observations are:

1. Almost everyone gets married, so when you’re in your 20s/30s thinking it will never happen, it probably will. Haven’t seen much infertility but maybe that’s still to come given age. Most marriages seem healthy and strong
2. Seen two affairs, both ended marriages with kids
3. Mental health is a massive thing in lots of people’s lives - I think there is a lot of responsibility when you have young kids, need to earn etc and that’s often how the stress comes out, hoping this will get better as kids get older etc. Also know a few people our age with serious physical health problems
4. Interestingly with all the Caroline Flack stuff in the papers (not saying she did anything) we have known two cases of wife on husband DV, no husband on wife cases
5. Re my parents and their circle, health got quite wobbly for a few people around 60 so good to have financial options

Unless you’re one of the few who are rich enough to cosset themselves with private schools and private clubs and private property, you will still be surrounded by scum.

@aureum I pity the people who are round you.

I'm 43. Plenty of unmarried friends although I see them less since having my 2 children. Friendships generally quite tough at the moment. Almost every woman I know has had some infertility or miscarriage experience. A fair amount of marital issues although some of those I thought would separate haven't and vice versa. No DV that I am aware of.

A few friends have had cancer or other serious illnesses which has been shocking. My mum and her friends are starting to have health issues and illnesses but nothing too serious yet.

Very few people I know own their own homes or have much disposable income but there are a few who made different (sensible) decisions earlier on who are now much more secure. From Facebook I am aware of old school acquaintances who live very different lives to me with interior designers, private schools and healthcare, theatre trips and holidays - but I don't have any close friends who live like this.

Just turned 30. Based in the south but have friends all over UK.

Most friends are in long term, serious relationships. Only know 3 people our age that are single and they have been single for a number of years. It’s 50/50 whether these couples are married/engaged or cohabiting. Most of these couples are relationships from late teens/very early twenties. Only one divorce (affair, woman cheating) and nobody has broken up once they have been cohabiting. Only the one affair known off. Statistically, some of us aren’t going to survive getting together so young, so waiting to see how the cards fall there. Most relationships seem happy and stable at the moment. Only one couple needs to break up from my view on the outside, no physical violence but he’s an emotionally manipulative twat and useless father.

A small number have kids/are currently pregnant but a few more will join in the next few years. Probably 30% of the couples are adamant there won’t be any kids. 1 couple is suffering with infertility but some of us haven’t started trying so could be more in a few years.

Some health problems starting to creep in with parents, even those with younger parents. Quite a few parents have had cancer and FIL recently had a heart attack. It’s probably sooner than most of us thought we’d be dealing with parents health problems.

Most have careers. Quite a few have already changed career. Most have bought a house, some with help and some without help. That isn’t really based on geographic location either. I think we’re the only ones to buy a fixer-upper though.

Probably 50% have been prescribed antidepressants at some point but none have been on them long term.

I'm late my 30s.

I agree a lot depends on class/ geographical area.

90% of friends married with kids. Some cohabiting. A few single and wanting to settle but not found anyone. Fertility problems seem common and I think people are becoming much more open about this.

Around age 28 there was a big wave of engagements, 30 weddings and 32 babies arriving. 35ish the first big break ups/ divorces kicking in. You can see the strain having young children and juggling work puts of family's. My friends who stayed in home town settled quicker and get more help from thier parents.

Jobs are generally good careers, most woman work Pt after children. Few SAHM and couple of SAHDs in the mix. Few same sex couples ( all females) where they alternate who carries the baby ( as in is pregnant)

Parents health starting to decline but most receive help from thier health parents. A few having to take on caring responsibilities.

Loads of mh problems in friends and thier children. A general feeling of doom about the future for children with climate chance, Brexit, robots automation etc.

Oh and quite a few peers have died from illnesses early....

I feel lucky to work in a team with people of varying different ages and stages. Helps keep perspective. Although having young children feels hard atm for me it looks a piece of cake compared to the teen years!!!

I’m in my twenties, here is what I think:

1. Life is way more expensive than you’d think.
2. Children are way more expensive than you’d think.
3. Professional jobs no longer pay enough to fund a family singlehandedly. People must either form power couples or become entrepreneurs if they want a decent quality of life for their family.
4. Too many people waste their lives by being too frightened to take risks.

Early 30's.

1. Everybody dies, we have a time line, life is about finding something to enjoy until you get there. for me its loved ones and spending time with them.

1. I think almost everybody suffers with their mental health at some point in their lives.

1. Society is very stressfull, probably cause of mental health issues. I think too much pressure is put on people to have 'careers', some people enjoy their jobs but ultamately that is what they are 'jobs'.

1. It is impossible to be happy all the time, aim for 'ok'. It will result in much less heart ache when you find yourself not blissfully happy at all times.

1. Life is worth living

Posted too soon! But you get the gist.

Also, most importantly, relationships are not all lust and happiness. Find a friend who you can be boring with.

I'm 38 and life is looking increasingly like a series of slaps in the face you have to tolerate on the promise that you might one day get to the 'good stuff'.

aged 63 still working two jobs because the government put pension age up to 66, am saving like made so I can retire from one job next year and keep the other one as no weekends and have a small private pension at 65 , OH made redundant at 64 but has a good private pension as hes always done well paid jobs with benefits, yes he has 1/4 of what he earned in his last job but still in double figures, and we managed to buy a house cash with his pension drawdown so still a comfortable lifestyle

Bit of an odd one, I'm early 30s, husband is 50 so friendship groups are very split in ages. Whilst I count them all as 'our' friends, I'll split this into mine and his for age ranges:

'My' friends (30s) are all seemingly happily married or in LT relationships. His (50s) are mainly divorced, or divorcing, or on second (some third) marriages. Only two couples still happily together.

There have been two incidents of physical DV that we were aware of. One was a consistent female abuser. The other was a couple who seemed to both be as bad as each other. Could never clearly see who started what. Heartbreaking situation.

One evidence of mental abuse in my friendship group, a gay couple - both female. Think this cut both ways too though, to be honest.

My friends are starting to have babies, only one friend has just have her second. His are dealing with teens, and definitely finding it harder. Only one SAHM in my group, there weren't any in his. I'm a full-time step parent, as is one of my other friends. Blended families becoming increasingly common, and people now no longer bat an eye.

My friends are still hungry for career advancement, chasing the big jobs and sacrificing home/work balance to get it. His (and him) are starting to look the other way, wanting to downsize their roles and find jobs that give them more time at home, less pressure with working hours, less travel etc.

Most people are struggling with mental health in some way or another. My lot are more feeling it with pressures to succeed, hit the 'expected benchmarks', keep up with the Jones's. My friends seem a lot more open to seeing counsellors, and many openly do. His are facing more home life related stress - kids, teens, relationship woes etc. Different, but both equally damaging.

Interestingly, it is my friends that are suffering more health wise, but think that is pure bad luck!

Aureum yes I think that's true. I stay home as much as I can!

I'm single and childfree by choice, 44. Things look good for me inasmuch as they can when you're not wealthy.

but a key part is going to be how things go with mum who is 82 and not in good health - probably standard for her age though, I don't know.

A lot of the time I feel happy and free as a teenager, and being closer to retirement and at a stage where I don't give many craps about what people think....but the thing that always brings me up short is having an elderly parent.

Late 50s:
Vast majority of friends and family are married with below average divorce rate.
Again, my circle didn't have children especially early, so we've all got late teens / in their 20s offspring, none of whom have got married yet.
Worrying about said offspring finding decent jobs; most have jobs, not sure they're what were anticipated or what the uni degree was about.
Big thing for us is rapidly ageing parents, or parents / family members dying and having to deal with physical ill-health / dementia.
Mortality is certainly rearing its head.
A lot of us have changed jobs completely since our 40s / 50s. It's almost as if we've gone "Is this what I want to do for the rest of my life? Sod that. I want to do my own thing / business. Work with animals; work creatively; work with travel; work with what interests ME, even if it doesn't pay so well."

I’m mid-fifties with an 11 yo ds.

I did not marry his df for which I am profoundly grateful because he has proved to be financially foolish. We separated when ds was 3.

I am generally happy, work full time, my house is 95% mine, I have enough pension savings that I won’t starve (although no luxuries) and I plan to retire at 61.
My ds is happy in school and sees his dad for 9 hours a week.

The downside is I have no time for a partner which can be lonely, and will be more so when Ds leaves home.

I’m early 40s in London.

Roughly half of my friends/ circle never married, although everyone has had kids by now. Probably around a third are now separated from their children’s other parents.
Affairs quite common.

Some fertility issues, mainly with the ones who were older when they started trying.

Quite a few MH issues, alcoholism, drug issues, which only really came to light as problems after children. Parenthood and family life tends to bring these things to light, I find.

For the first time we are almost all worried about money. It wasn’t a concern in our 20s and 30s, as professionals with enough money to rent or buy a flat in London and go out all the time. Much harder to have a good quality of family life in London unless you’re rich. Although only a couple of people I know have left London.

Late 30s.

Almost everyone who took a lot of recreational drugs in their 20s now has mild to moderate mental health issues. 3 out of about 15 have chronic fatigue syndrome.

Most people are married or in serious relationships. The few that are single are either incredibly fussy or not at all proactive in finding a partner.

Most people who want kids have kids, about 50% struggled to conceive quickly.

People with kids have very little time to invest in friendships as family life takes over.

Childless gay men behave exactly the same as they did in their 20s and continue to so so into their 40s.

Parents stop being a source of help and start being a source of worry

I’m 30, so far I’ve noticed:

Most of my peers have at least 1 child by now
A few are married
Most are still renting
A lot are suffering from mental health issues (sadly)
I know of at least 5 people whose loved ones have commutes suicide 😩
A few are going/returning to university to change career (particularly nursing, social work, probation)

#committed suicide

My life is good at the moment

I have a partner, employment, property, pension, savings, good health, friends, family, hobbies, holidays already booked to look forward to later this year
I know that I am very fortunate, compared to some people
I am happy

I know how things can change quickly and that life has its ups & downs

Myself, friends & family have experienced illness, bereavement, redundancy etc

Good friends and good family relationships are like gold !

Oh this is interesting. Lots of twenties ones so different to mine! I'm late 20s in London.

1. No one is taking drugs
2. Everyone is married but no kids, or single. No one seems to just date
3. No affairs known among friends but so, so many at work/ other offices we work with.
4. No one seems to be worrying about buying property. Some have it, some don't outwardly care
5. Almost everyone has a mental health issue. Almost all of those use it as an excuse to be a dick too often.

65 and long divorced
2 adult children in early 40s one cohabiting other single, no children for either of them. Most of their friends are married with children, the 2 I know have very hands on dads. One brother has 2 adult children and 5 GC split between them, both dads very hands on.

My friends 50:50 married or divorced (and of the divorced 50% remarried). Of all the married couples I spend time with, there is only one that I am slightly envious of, the rest make me glad I'm on my own. (Not abusive just their partners irritate me after about half an hour in their company, mostly with entitled behaviour).

Not currently worried about health as both parents and their siblings lived into their 90s despite smoking and sometimes heavy drinking.

Definitely hope voluntary euthanasia is permitted before I become infirm physically or mentally though.

I'm mid 60s.
I have friends who I spend a lot of time with who are in their 40s or 50s but I'll confine myself to talking about other people my age.

Most, but not all, my friends are married/in long terms relationships, not necessarily their first. Most, but not all, have adult children but not necessarily grandchildren.

Most of my friends the same age have lost their parents, they will have spent some years before that caring for them one way or another i.e. hands on or driving long distances to visit when ill.

Children have grown up but many, like me, help with grandchildren babysitting and doing school runs.

We get labelled 'Boomers' who had everything on a plate - some things were definitely better for us but not everything and most people I know with adult children have helped them financially to buy a house and help out with expenses for grandchildren.

I am lucky enough to have retired at 60 with a teachers' pension but I haven't got my State Pension yet. My friends a couple of years older than me have had their State Pension for some time. I know others who have missed out on both workplace pension and State Pension and are struggling.

I have a volunteer job related to education.

I enjoy being free to spend time on my creative activities and have made new friends through taking part in these. The rest of my time I spend dog walking, meeting up with friends and travelling with my DH who is still working.

None of my friends have so far become seriously ill or died. Unfortunately, my daughter (in her 40s) has seen a few of her peer group die due to cancer or suicide.

Nearly 50

1. Those who had their children earlier seem older than those who had them later somehow.

1. A cancer diagnoses for me mid 40’s changed my perspective on life - pretty humbling.

1. Marriage has a purpose as life can be hard and pull / push your commitment around. A big wedding (ours lovely as it was) is a marketers success it does not equal happy marriage.

1. Watching your children and loved ones thrive is such a joy

1. My parents generation ages 70/80s now had it all in many ways and many have developed a sense of entitlement without enlightenment that is not evident to me in my generation.

1. My generation seem very enlightened about relationships, growing children, societal and environmental responsibility.

Early 50’s here, most of my friends are married. At least half of the husbands I know (all of which seem lovely guys) had with a full blown or an emotional affair in their 40’. The married couples end up staying together.