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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel so sad that they obviously don’t like me

39 replies

PeepeeDarling · 19/02/2020 16:04

Worked in an office last couple years at the same time I’ve been studying in the evenings for a professional qualification in another field.
Ive been offered a job relating to my studies so have put in my notice which my boss has been lovely about wishing me well. As work is busy I’ve offered to stay late some days to make sure everything’s sorted before I leave next month.
The boss announced my leaving in the team meeting to rest of team (about 20 of us) since then 3 people have commented the rest have completely ignore it which is fine I’m not expecting everyone to be excited for me.
However since then some people in the office have completely ignore me -silence treatment.
I thought they were my friends we’ve been working together a while honestly I thought they’d be at least civil about it?
I feel like the next month giving notice is going to be horrendous.

OP posts:
FizzyIce · 19/02/2020 16:06

Well you’ll be out of it soon.. who wants colleagues like that anyway !
Best of luck for your new job,op

Herocomplex · 19/02/2020 16:10

Firstly well done, working and studying is tough!

People are weird sometimes. Some people will recognise that they’re not going to be seeing you after you leave so they’re just not bothering any more.

Maybe they’re reflecting on the fact that you’re going on to better things and view your current job as a stepping stone. I wonder if there is one person in particular who is a bit envious whose been stirring up the others?

I’d just be really pleasant, try not to change your approach. It’ll be over soon, and you’ll be in your new role.

Original poster
PeepeeDarling · 19/02/2020 16:13

Thank you both. I need to make a conscious effort tomorrow to be normal I think I’ve gone inward in reaction to their behaviour since they found out so that’s probably not helped.just feels so strange that they are blanking me and that I’m leaving.

OP posts:
mauvaisereputation · 19/02/2020 16:17

Are you positive they are blanking you and not just busy with work? Seems odd that multiple people would do this.

Original poster
PeepeeDarling · 19/02/2020 16:20

I did think the same first couple of days as it is a busy period for us generally but no the usual love island/weather chats happening between various people so not overly busy iyswim but maybe it is partly that. There’s been conversations stopping when I’ve been coming into room/meetings as well. Hope I’m being paranoid but it’s a horrible atmosphere atm.

OP posts:
Whatnameisgood · 19/02/2020 16:56

Wow that sounds weird and grim. I remember leaving a job and being hurt that more people didn’t come to my leaving drinks. Your colleagues sound horrible. Hope it goes better as the month progresses. Is there anyone you’re friendly with that you can ask why the weird atmosphere?

Mydogatemypurse · 19/02/2020 16:58

Ah you will be out of there soon. People are strange. People can get very jealous too. Try not to let it bother you. Buy some headphones to wear in the office to try and zone out.

Original poster
PeepeeDarling · 19/02/2020 17:15

Thanks both think you’re right I need to power through hopefully it seems better tomorrow I’ve just left work and had a little cry.
Weird you should say that good someone left a few months ago and lots of people dropped out his leaving drinks last minute felt bad for him nice bloke only a couple showed up. I’m definitely not organising a leaving event!

OP posts:
TipseyTorvey · 19/02/2020 17:25

This has happened recently to someone I work with and I suspect it will the reaction when I leave too. I suspect its partly because of a toxic culture people not wanting to associate with anyone that might not be toeing the company line by leaving which suggests there's better jobs out there. Also I think we're in a cultural shift away from long term employees forming solid teams and friendships, it's much more transactional now. Basically you're not useful to them any more which is a bit stingy but just get some headphones and ignore.

NotwhereIshouldbe · 19/02/2020 17:33

You’re getting out of there so I wouldn’t worry, it says a lot about them more than you. Just before I went on maternity leave my team didn’t wish me luck or congratulate me and I didn’t get any gifts or cards, says a lot about the people I work with! Good luck with your new job!

DrManhattan · 19/02/2020 18:01

I reckon they will be a bit jealous too.
Well done. Onward and upward xx

Highlights12 · 19/02/2020 18:02

Sounds like their jealous but could the going quiet when you walk in a room be because they are organising something for you maybe doing a collection.

HappydaysArehere · 19/02/2020 18:04

Jealous, I bet. Unbelievable.

Straycatstrut · 19/02/2020 18:10

So they're jealous right? Sounds like you have a great opportunity. Ignore them and feel happy you're getting out of there.

My mum worked somewhere for 15 years and gave it her all, and when she left NO ONE did anything. It was pretty much "Oh, cya". She moved onto her next place and worked there 3 years before retiring - she got flowers, chocolates, a bunch of cards, big balloon and a meal out - and friends for life.

This could be your next place!

CSIblonde · 19/02/2020 18:14

That's not nice. Very well done, studying on top of working is hard. Someone left a few months ago too? . Do they have high turnover & take it personally if people get out? I rolled up as a temp once to find them slating the previous temp for leaving. She'd got a perm job, but they were sending emails saying "so & so didn't like us". It wasn't the happiest workplace. I kept a lot of distance during my 2week booking!

PinkiOcelot · 19/02/2020 18:15

Congratulations and well done!!

Count down the days! They should be happy for you. People are weird. Ignore.

Redorangesblue · 19/02/2020 18:16

This kind of happened to me; but I continued doing the job part time along with my new better job, as the field is kind of related.

Some people didn’t even acknowledge my new hours, or have ever asked me how the new job is going! I mean people who I see and talk to every week, it’s like they’ve completely ignored it. We talk about everything apart from my new job. I’m not the type of person to talk too much about myself anyway, but the first few weeks really hurt me, because it seemed the people I was on really good terms weren’t happy for me. I know it’s jealousy and probably resentfulness as a lot are stuck in a rut and me going off to do something else was a shock to some of them.

Just feel sorry for your colleagues OP. You’re off to do better and brighter things. They could do it too if they motivated themselves. Well done and congratulations on your new job!

Lllot5 · 19/02/2020 18:17

Perhaps they’re thinking because you’re leaving and they won’t see you again no point investing any time with you? Weird bit cold but some people are

adaline · 19/02/2020 18:36

Happened to me when I handed in my notice too.

A lot of them had previously commented about wanting to get it out so I put it down to jealousy! I'm now self-employed and earning the same as I was then in half the hours - fuck 'em! Grin

anotherlittlechicken · 19/02/2020 18:40

Ignorant arses!

@PeepeeDarling

Well done on your new job, and all the best in it. You'll be amazing.

They're probably jealous.!

PlomBear · 19/02/2020 18:40

People are weird and see you leaving a job as a personal affront. How dare you leave a job! Happened to me and I was quite happy to never see them again.

Franklyyes · 19/02/2020 18:52

People are funny - they may be jealous but also have not made any effort themselves to move on. They may also wonder how the work will be covered when you are gone or whether you won’t be as committed before you go. Similar happened to me, but I reminded myself what I had achieved and I did it just for me.
Congratulations on the new job!!! Go knock em dead!
I didn’t want a leaving do so I planned some lunches with friends I wanted to say goodbye to and that I’d enjoyed working with them. It was a lovely way to leave over a week or so. So glad I made the move!

stayingontherail · 19/02/2020 18:52

I wouldn’t assume that it means they don’t like you, unless you did an air punch and scream “So long suckers!” after the announcement was made. Most people will be thinking of themselves and what it means about them rather than anything about you. I bet you won’t remember those peoples’ names in a year or two anyway.

billy1966 · 19/02/2020 18:55

Definitely them OP.
Its obviously disappointing, but says more about them, than you. Envy is a powerful emotion. I'd do my best to ignore it but I wouldn't be staying any longer than necessary.

Best of luck in the new jobFlowers

SmellyBeard · 19/02/2020 18:56

People can be weird at work. I also think that someone moving on makes other people feel twitchy as it's change and can also make them feel like they are not progressing. Other people (like my boss!) can take it personally.

Just concentrate on the people who are nice and soon you'll be out of there.