Was seeing someone for 3.5 months. Was progressing really nicely - we were meeting eachother's friends, were exclusive, had just started using boyfriend / girlfriend label - felt safe and happy together, and like feelings were developing at a good pace (although not head over heels). He'd also suggested I meet his dad when he was visiting London.
He has been travelling a lot and had a lot of personal disruption and stress in this time, meaning he has been away for about a month of that and also quite distracted towards the end with said disruption which he has found extremely stressful (he is now going on antidepressants for this). Despite this, it felt like we had established a relatively stable, solid thing (although maybe less connection in the last month due to outside stress).
Then he was told he needed to move back to New York (where he is from) by his job (I'm based in London). He tried his very best to stay - argued with his bosses for weeks and was threatened with being fired etc. His original plan was to settle here and he had been here for two years - but he had no choice (giving up his job would have been stupid - he literally couldn't do better than the one he has, especially not in the UK).
We both agreed it was probably best to break it off rather than go long distance, as we hadn't had a chance to establish enough of a foundation and the only way to be physically together again would be for me to move to New York. I have had a really tough few years and part of me wouldn't mind a fresh start, which I did sort of hint at, but he said he felt that would be lot of pressure on a young relationship and he wouldn't want me to uproot my life.
He also felt that the long distance stuff in between now moving there would not go well - he said he has really suffered from not putting an effort in making friends and establishing himself in London, which has made him very depressed and isolated - and he doesn't want to make that mistake again. He feels that if we were still together his mind would always be in London and he would get anxious and sad (he does have this tendancy), and he would ruin both our relationship and not make a success of his time in New York, which he needs to live in long term now. He also has a huge work project over the next six months which is probably going to mean he's intensely busy - even on weekends.
At the same time though, I feel really sad he doesn't want to try. If he was that into me, I think he would, no? He disagrees and says that he is really into me, that he would have loved to continue this and would have were he in London, and that this decision has nothing to do with his feelings for me or how he saw us developing. He feels we should appreciate what we've had, which has been really good and special, and rare - he hasn't had a girlfriend in quite a long time - but that I should not take this personally at all.
We had a strained conversation yesterday where I was basically trying to get him to admit he just isn't that into me and he refused to and said that the not being able to do long distance is something that is separate to us, and means nothing about how much he values us. He feels like I have a different way of seeing this - which is that feelings are priority and if you want to make something happen it will work - but that he is more practically minded and feels that feelings are only part of an equation.
He feels sad that I'm questioning the validity of our relationship so far because of this, and doesn't want me to think that is wasn't something special.
I guess that he also doesn't want to waste our time on a difficult situation as he knows I want to have kids soon as does he.
Do you think I'm being unreasonable to feel so rejected? I actually feel kind of physically sick. This was the first nice person / relationship I've had in a while, and he made me feel very safe.
But I also think I might be doing something quite self destructive mentally in not believing him, because it probably does make sense practically to end it?