To ask for the best advice you got for newborn babie?

[Winterwoollies]

Ok, ok, don’t yell at me, I know this should go in another area, but I want to tap into the full Mumsnet knowledge pool and we all know this is the most highly trafficked area of Talk.

I read a comment from someone about soothing night-time screamy babies with colic the other day and it prompted me to start a notes file with good newborn baby tips. It involved putting them upright in a baby sling and going for a really good walk before bed to soothe reflux. It seemed worth remembering!

So, with that in mind, does anyone have any nuggets of useful, even obscure, advice for newborn babies and a newborn parent?

I have an unexpected baby due in the summer and am keen for some sisterly (or brotherly) advice.

Thank you!

Again, please don’t yell.

Swaddling (as recommended on the MN sleep board) made an enormous difference to my DS's sleep. It felt counterintuitive because for a few minutes it seemed like he was trying to struggle out of the swaddle, but actually when he realised he was contained in it, he got calm and sleepy. It's not a straitjacket, it's like a continuation of a tight cuddle.

It might not work for all babies but ours loves it. Do check the lullaby trust and NCT guidelines though.

Baby may need quite a bit of help to get to sleep. Look out for the tiredness signs.

Stick with breastfeeding even if it's hard or you have trouble - speak to a lactation consultant if you have problems (much more knowledgeable & helpful than the NHS staff we have spoken to). Bf is a hell of a lot less faff in the long run, is an easy way to comfort baby if you run out of other ideas or are just tired yourself, and is free of course!

Get a new nappy ready before you take the old one off.

Don't buy much stuff before baby arrives. You won't know what you need and baby will grow so quickly that if you've got loads of clothes/nappies you probably won't use them all.

Buy everything you can second hand/charity shops. Most stuff is barely used and you won't use it much yourself before it's too small or out of favour with baby!

Don't buy a sling till the baby is born, and when you're ready go to a "sling library" and try some out as your baby may only be happy in a particular style or may just be unhappy in slings in general. If there's not a sling library near you, try out some which friends/other mothers from NCT groups etc have.

Batch cook and freeze beforehand.

Don't agree to visitors before the baby is here - be vague about plans if people ask. You may be in a lot of pain or be crying all the time and not want visitors, even close family. Have your DH arrange visits when you feel ready.

Sleep deprevation is a killer but you will get used to it.

Have snacks and a big glass of water or two at hand all the time when feeding.

Good luck

It's really normal to struggle to sleep without your baby near by.

So when helpful people offer to hold baby whilst you sleep it can be hard to sleep. This gave me so much anxiety, when I read about it I felt much better. It makes sense when you think about it!

Also look at safe cosleeping guidelines. It's something not many mothers plan on, cut almost all end up doing- so get clued up before baby comes!

Nothing can prepare you for the hormones and sleep deprivation. It will pass (the hormones at least).

Do not compare yourself or your baby to others - ever!!!!!!!!! Take what people say with a pinch of salt. Example - "my baby sleeps through the night", queue potential envy. But how is this person defining through the night? 8pm - 8am or 12pm - 6am or dream feed at 9pm, 12am & 3am?

Trust yourself (not the books that say baby needs to be forced into a routine, etc).

Don't give a poop about what people think when baby cries in public (took me weeks to get to this point, regardless of people telling me, then everything seemed better and I wish I'd stopped caring sooner).

Taking your baby out and about may seem daunting but they'll often sleep more than if you'd stayed at home.

Not all babies like stretchy slings & swaddles - baby carriers & sleeping bags might be better (be prepared for either, go with what your baby likes).

They're all different and all lovely. Enjoy!

A few drops of lavender oil and tea tree oil mixed in 1/2 a cup of milk and added to the bath, to soothe sore bits downstairs, especially with stitches. Helps heal better and reduces pain and prevents infection

Make sure they get enough sleep! Don't think that keeping them awake in the day results in more sleep at night - the opposite is true.

Keep visitors to what you actually want - decline unless you want to see them (obviously allow a short visit from grandparents in the first week but no need for them to come all day every day). Similarly, decline offers of help unless they are helpful! Sounds stupid but you can end up feeling guilty for turning away people who 'just want to help'. When what would really help is a bit of privacy and peace to relax at home. Babies need their mums with them more or less all the time for the first 6-12 weeks at least. They do not benefit from 'getting to know ' others at this age. So don't feel guilty about refusing offers of baby sitting until they are much older.

Don't buy loads of stuff and get most things second hand

Make life easy for yourself - e.g. don't change them every time they puke, just wipe off the worst/put a fresh bib on. Bath every 2 or 3 days and leave the same clothes on in between (unless poo/wee gets on them). Bath at time of day that suits you - no need to do it at bedtime when you are tired and want to eat dinner/ talk to husband who has just got home.

Don't make plans for the first 4 months - you may prefer not to go on holiday etc. On the other hand do try and get out for short walks each day, go to cafes etc, and see old friends.

Enjoy your baby - it's an amazing time!

Get as much help as possible. Call everyone you know and ask for help. Getting some sleep is more important than anything else.

A few more having just dealt with a massive poo myself :

Wait for a few mins after a poo before you change them, they will likely do more.

After the jab appointments with the oral drops, poo will likely change/may be non-existent for a few days before a massive one. They didn't warn me about that!

Don't feel the need to bath them daily, they don't need it. Also don't feel you need to change their clothes - wait till they're pooed/weed on.

And don't bother with silly little "outfits", dresses and the like - they're fiddly and not helpful for a quick change. Babygrows are all you need.

Cotton pads are easier than cotton balls for wiping as you can use both sides. Disposable wipes are ok for out and about but you will probably want to go to reusable ones at some point so might as well do it sooner rather than later to get the most use out of them.

Get your partner to make you a thermos of tea before they leave for work.

And if you do go for reusable wipes, I recommend Cheeky Wipes.

Exercise (and stay as fit as possible through pregnancy)! Join a mum/baby post natal class, get back in the swing... it’s emphatically not about putting pressure on to ‘get your body back’ but your pelvic floor, core strength and upper arms (if your baby turns out to be a chunk) will thanks you.

@c0ffeeandcake

That arm lifting thing is genius! Thanks!

Never, ever turn on a light or talk during a night feed.

If a newborn is fed, winded, pain free, comfortable and still crying then they’re probably tired.

White noise is your friend. As is fresh air every day.

If in doubt, check the nappy. Never trust a fart.

First 6 weeks of breastfeeding is hard, but it doesn't last long and gets a million times easier.

Hold your baby close whenever you like, let them sleep on you, next to you, cuddle them, whatever. Ignore the "rod for your own back" bollocks.

The first time anything inconvenient happens (poo everywhere, sick everywhere etc) it feels overwhelming and like you'll never get on top of things. It gets easier to deal with. Parenting is a skill, you learn as you go along and things become easier all the time (but new things come along to keep you on your toes!).

If it works for you and your baby, it's working, forget what other people are doing.

@nemophilistrebel there weren’t white noise machines when I was doing that babysitting (90’s) or when I had dd (early 2001) there was barely internet! We’d just got our first computer to be able to email photos to the grandparents and that took about an hour per photo IF it worked 😂

Parents now don’t know they’re born 🙄😂

@BorahT that reminds me of the thing NOBODY told me about and previous experience with babies wouldn’t have helped - when you’re pregnant your body temp naturally rises, then when you give birth it can drop like a stone! I was shivering violently as soon as dd was delivered and it lasted 2-3 days! Made me ache!

“Swaddling and dummies are life savers.” Definitely! We’d not bought dunmies not because we were opposed but we simply forgot. Then had a night where NOTHING worked for her not even bf and next day on someone’s advice got loads! As you say - lifesaver! And she didn’t even need weaned off them, she naturally rejected around 6 months and I know a lot of babies that just stopped themselves it’s not always hard to get em off em.

Both sets of grandparents recommended swaddling when she went through a poor sleep stage, it was falling out of favour at that time but we had a wonderful “old school” midwife with loads of experience who gave us guidance on doing so safely and it worked a treat.

Don’t stay in your pyjamas too long of a morning (I know it’s tempting). I always felt far better when washed and dressed to face the day.
I also put DD in her pram outside the back door every morning, it was always her best sleep (weather and safety obviously considered).

You can hire co-sleeper cots, which is what we did as we didn’t want to buy one outright.

When you lift the baby out for a feed, put a hot water bottle onto their mattress so you aren’t putting them back down onto a cold bed. You have to do an Indiana Jones-style swap

Don’t get too bogged down with baby books and things. Your baby will be an individual, as we all are, and may not do all the things precisely on schedule - and that’s ok, really. Trust yourself!

You may have days where you don’t go out, don’t even get dressed and eat only junk - but as long as your baby is safe, clean, warm, fed and loved, your day will still have been a success.

If you need to put them down safely, go downstairs and scream into a pillow, do so. It is far better to leave them safe but crying than to lose your temper when you’re with them. Sleep deprivation can make you very angry and this does not make you a monster, but you need to relieve that anger while keeping your baby safe.

Remember, this too shall pass. All of it!

Oh and also, baby sleeping bags are great, get some as soon as your baby is heavy enough - I think the littlest gro-bags start at about 8 or 9lbs, from memory? TK Max often have them in as long as you aren’t fussy about colours and things. So much easier than faffing with blankets.

These are great- thanks!

Loads of great advice on here.

I think my advice would be:

1. You may fall in love with your baby the second you lay eyes on them. However, you may not. If you don’t, and it takes a few days, weeks or months, it happens to loads of women, you aren’t a bad mother, and the love will come, I promise.

1. For some people (I was one of them) the first 6-8 weeks can be really shit. You might think ‘what the hell have I done’. Particularly if you’re breastfeeding, as the first 6 weeks or so of breastfeeding can be really tough for some mums. But as others have said, everything’s a phase. Again, you’re not a bad mother. It improves very quickly.

1. Babies don’t necessarily read the safe sleep guidelines. Before I had a baby, I was definitely going to put him down on his back in a firm, flat bed separate from my own in the room heated to 18 degree precisely with no loose bedding and no swaddling and no Sleepyhead nonsense. Because why wouldn’t you? What sort of idiot parent wouldn’t do the safest thing? Then I had my baby and I discovered why! So yes, I definitely agree with the posters who say research safe co-sleeping!

Just go with your baby for the first few months. Don't feel like you have to do certain things because you feel you should. If they're hungry, feed them. Don't worry about timed feeds. If they want to cluster feed all evening then let them (and buy nipple shields). If they don't want to be put down, then don't (and ring someone to hold them so you can shower/get dressed if you need that to feel human).

I didn't do this with my first and felt a total failure. I did with my second and it was so much easier, such a weight off. Baby was happier too.

Tena lady pants for hospital bag and for the bleeding for the days after giving birth !! Much more protection than maternity pads or sanitary towels !!! They were a lifesaver !

Couldn’t agree more with @BrioLover, including the nipple shields. I too made myself very unhappy stressing about how much the baby was cluster feeding and how he wouldn’t be put down and how I should be doing things around the house and going out to places and getting him into a good routine blah blah blah. Nonsense. It’s far easier just to accept that the baby and its needs are in charge.

If you want to cuddle the baby, cuddle them. They’ll be a teenager before you know it. If you need to put them down to have a shower / wee / cup of tea / sandwich, put the baby down. To look after them, you need to look after you.
If you are breastfeeding, drink plenty of water or squash - as it really helps with milk production.

Beware of not using proper maternity pads. They can absorb a lot - easy to miss excessive bleeding.
Mw's like to monitor blood loss...

When you get back from your trip out, replenish your nappy bag with whatever you have used whilst out. That way, the bag is always ready for your next outing. One less thing to think about when you are trying to get out the door