To ask for the best advice you got for newborn babie?

[Winterwoollies]

Ok, ok, don’t yell at me, I know this should go in another area, but I want to tap into the full Mumsnet knowledge pool and we all know this is the most highly trafficked area of Talk.

I read a comment from someone about soothing night-time screamy babies with colic the other day and it prompted me to start a notes file with good newborn baby tips. It involved putting them upright in a baby sling and going for a really good walk before bed to soothe reflux. It seemed worth remembering!

So, with that in mind, does anyone have any nuggets of useful, even obscure, advice for newborn babies and a newborn parent?

I have an unexpected baby due in the summer and am keen for some sisterly (or brotherly) advice.

Thank you!

Again, please don’t yell.

Go with the flow. Forget about routines, sleep schedules, nap schedules etc etc for the first 6 weeks at least.

Learn your baby’s cues for feeding so they get fed before they start screaming. Much calmer for you both.

If you bottle feed, look into paced feeding. Formula can be tough for newborn tummies, and this really really helps them manage their intake and stops uncomfortable digestion.

EVERYONE and I mean everyone, will give you advice. Learn to smile and nod and do what works for you and your baby.

Cuddle your baby as much as you need to and ignore anyone who tells you you would be spoiling your baby, it’s incredibly old, out of date advice.

Use white noise to help your baby sleep, you might need it on louder than you realise. My LO was a very unhappy baby but the white noise would send her straight to sleep.

Don’t be pressured into doing things you’re not ready for. This includes having visitors round (tell them no!) or going out to baby classes. Your recovery is just as important but that doesn’t mean you will be ready to do coffee mornings with new mums 2 weeks post birth. I found this hard when no one would listen to me when all I wanted to do was stay at home and recover and bond with my baby and just got snide remarks from DH and his MIL that there was something wrong with me

A really helpful saying I saw online was “the nights are long but the years are short” and I always remember this when I have a long night feeding.

Good luck and congratulations!

@nowlook are you serious about this?!! if so that is hands down the greatest bit of advice i've ever heard.

Best advice i'd heard (before the Infacol/Calpol comment) - babies are still people too. It is not a one size fits all type thing. Sometimes an adult can wake up and be in a bad mood all day for no apparent reason, so can a baby. Sometimes you have a day where you want to eat constantly - so can a baby, likewise with having days where you don't really wanna eat at all. Sometimes you have days where you want loads of attention - sometimes you want to be left the hell alone. So do babies

Remembering that my little one is a person as well - not just "baby" has helped me so much on days where I've felt everything is getting on top of me - especially as a single parent.

For example - one night my son just screamed - I did everything i thought i was supposed to do - he was fed, changed, i was cradling him and rocking him etc. Eventually I thought "i'm going to have to put him down for 2 mins and leave the room so I don't get worked up and I can start the process again". Put him in the moses basket and straight away he calmed down and fell asleep - he just hadn't wanted to be held and wanted some space. (It was highly insulting tbh but a relief to figure out the issue ha).

Like a pp said - everything is a phase. Just remember "this too shall pass" when you're having a bad bit.

Oh and also just as an additional point - don't forget you're still you.

Just because you're a mum doesn't mean that your whole persona and interests have to change.

If they do then that's absolutely fine, but don't feel guilty if as a mum you still want a glass of wine / want to see friends / want to go see that band you've always loved.

As PP said - if you don't want visitors / don't want to go out then don't, and be firm with your boundaries. However on the flip side - if you want visitors or to go out 2 days after birth, then that's fine too!

As long as your baby is happy, safe and loved then don't let people make you feel guilty about what you do - even if they have a different opinion or course of action to you.

On the third or fourth day after the baby's born, expect to spend the day in tears for no reason. Limit who's visiting on those days to people you trust and love.

You dont know what you're doing, but neither does the baby. If something seems to work, roll with it and enjoy it while it lasts.

• It's OK if the first few days/weeks/months feel like you're just surviving. Do what you need to do to get through. It'll be OK!
• Cuddle your baby as much as you want. You won't get that time back and babies grow so quickly, you won't get those days back.
• It's OK to pop your baby down in a bouncy chair or play mat in the bathroom while you take a shower or brush your teeth. It's important to be able to do small things like that for your own wellbeing.
• Pop a muslin cloth underneath their head if they're in the pram or doing tummy time - much easier to clean than a whole pram or carpet if they're sick!
• Some days you will feel like you've got this parenting thing sussed, and other days you will think you have absolutely no idea what you're doing. We're all in the same boat! Embrace it and accept some days will be harder than others. Some people may look like they have their stuff together but we're all figuring it out as we go along!

Double layer the cot sheets with disposable pads in the middle - the kind you use for keeping toddler beds dry in case they have an accident at night (or puppy pads, they are cheaper!). This way, if there is a nappy leak / sick in the cot, you just whip the top sheet and top pad away and you have a new sheet (and pad) underneath. No middle of the night sheet changes and washing loads.
At about 3 months, look up the 90 minute sleep rule - great routine-setter, it changed my life!
Try and get colourful / patterned muslins as they will be easier to keep track of at a baby group.
Buy a foam bath rest for the baby, they can't slip and are nice and soft.
Sleeping bags are amazing. There is minimal change in temperature for the baby when doing night feeds so they are less likely to cry when you put them back in the cot.

The Baby
The baby
Not baby

At the hospital, just after they are born, they seem to sleep for hours on end and you will likely be wide awake from the adrenaline of it all (and also the noise and busyness of the ward). If at all possible get some sleep at this time because for about 2-3 days after that they seem to be awake for hours on end just when you are trying to sleep.

@WhatALearningCurve
I discovered it in a sleep-deprived haze about 13 years ago!!

If you breastfeed, the only indications of supply issues are weight gain and nappy output. Breastfed babies like, want and need to feed lots- it doesn't mean there's a problem or they are super hungry. Cluster feeding is natural. Embrace it and get comfy on the couch with a good boxset and lots of snacks and water.

A fed baby is best. Weather that's Brest or bottle. Happy baby = happy mum.

If struggling to get the baby winded, put your hand under one armpit whilst winding and use the middle finger of that hand to raise their arm like a lever. Whatever way it positions their diaphragm, you will generally get a release of air! I found this very effective. And also gripe water! Good luck

Every baby is different and it gets easier.
By 3 months I could have punched each person in the face who said that to me. Multiple times. But it’s true.

Oh, and you can weigh your baby (if you have sensitive electronic scales) by weighing yourself with and without said baby in your arms. Also works for suitcases...
Yes, I tried to weigh the baby in other ways

When you get to weaning stage, scrape the mashed banana off clothes immediately. It stains black and is the devil's own work to remove.

If you follow all the advice and your baby still won’t sleep in their own cot / go longer than 2 hours between feeds / self-soothe / fall asleep on their own / whatever behaviour you would like, then it’s not because of something you are or aren’t doing it’s just the luck of the draw so try to relax and just go with it. As a PP said, try to enjoy your baby. But if you can’t it’s perfectly to have a little cry!

Do not feel you have to agree to other people looking after YOUR baby!
Remember you have waited 9 months to finally hold it!!
And if it's dm /mil they have had their own dc!!

Reading to them is nice but they don't care what you're reading, they just like the sound of your voice. So read them things you want to read yourself and spare the dull toddler books until they're older. Gossip magazines or great literature or whatever, it's all the same to them.

You may not have a scooby why they're crying. You might not be able to differentiate between hungry/bored/wet/tired cries. That's OK- you're not shit. Just try everything in a continual loop

Newborns can't 'pick up bad habits' from you paying them 'too much attention'. Give them the attention they need, they won't need that much attention forever, and they won't 'become needy' from getting it on demand when they are tiny.

If you are able to put a bit of olive oil on baby's bum before the first poo, it comes off really easily! I appreciate this isn't always possible but we managed it with ds and daddy found it very easy to do the first nappy change.

Just because a health visitor says something, doesn't mean it's true. Always feel free to do your own thing.

Breastfeeding is a lot of hard work in the early weeks and it's completely normal and natural for the baby to want to feed extremely frequently. I invested some of my time during pregnancy to do some research and preparation including attending a breastfeeding class for mums-to-be and it was very helpful. If you are interested in breastfeeding it may be worth doing some preparation.

Good luck, you'll be fine.

• There's no such thing as 'rod for your own back' or 'bad habits' for a newborn.
• If a dummy helps and gives them comfort then give them a dummy. Don't let anyone feel you shouldn't.
• my colicy/refluxy baby only wanted to be held upright. While singing repetitive tunes and marching.
• velcro swaddles were amazing in the newborn days.
• you know your baby best.

@GoldenOmber
I totally agree. I read huge chunks of Wolf Hall to my DD when she was tiny and whenever we were faced with some sort of baby catastrophe (leaky nappy or the like) would ask her, ‘Well. What would Thomas Cromwell do about this then?’

Only in the privacy of our own home, of course.