From a very unexpected quarter - my dad who is not known for his diplomacy! - he basically advised ‘smile and nod’ when people give unwanted advice. Said listen politely, answer non-committally... and then do what you want! He and mum are both the eldest in large families but also were the dc of parents who’d come from large families (catholic) so there were tons of aunties/uncles/cousins/grandparents who’d had big families themselves advising them when they had me and there had apparently been some “issues” with conflicting advice from different sides of the family.
That said, despite my also being the eldest of 3 siblings and a crazy number of cousins and I’d been ‘watching weans’ for donkeys years before I had dd and I’d been a nanny too, I still forgot some stuff (sleep deprivations a bastard for knocking common sense out of your head)
Mum had to remind me of some stuff:
1 Don’t be silent when they’re sleeping/being settled
A they might get used to it and that creates a pita situation for you
B often it unsettles them as they think they’ve been abandoned!
I couldn’t understand why dd was settling well enough but when she woke was freaking out! Mum laughed and said “night light and make some noise!” Right enough soon as we allowed normal noise levels often dd would rouse...but settle herself back down quickly.
2 they don’t have the same appetite every day cos they’re not doing the same every day. Dd was a poor eater at the best of times (much later was dx with a disability which in hindsight was probably a factor) and I worried sick if she had an especially bad day.
3 “Make sure the flaps round the legs on nappies are pulled out.” Oh god yes! Not something I did but ex did a few times drove me mad! Results in more laundry needing done and if out and about can be a real pain!
4 “Hot water bottle in the Moses basket before you pop them down can stop them realising they’ve been put down. Obviously remove it before you put the baby in.” Yes that was another mum told me which I already knew and completely forgot!
5 my personal bugbear - yes bf can hurt at first even if you’re doing it right! It takes time for your nipples to “toughen up”
6 if you are bf you may not be able to express - that doesn’t necessarily mean you aren’t producing milk. Not everyone can express it’s a complex thing producing milk.
7 you don’t have to have a routine, but you may find - as I did - that baby demands one! Even now at 19 changes to her expected schedule really throw her and she hates it. As a baby if a nap was late/missed or a meal late there was hell to pay!
8 Don’t make big decisions in the first few weeks months unless absolutely necessary. Seems logical but I and others I know have done drastic things in these early stages which they massively regretted. Mine were cutting my waist length hair to a pixie crop! I thought shorter hair would be easier I was so wrong I hated it and I didn’t suit it and now also all my photos with baby dd I hate how I look. I also quit my job without properly looking into the ramifications. Ex was army and was posted but I found out far too late I could have transferred and continued Mat leave etc. But that’s pretty minor compared to friends who:
Quit jobs they’d had for ages and done loads of training for.
Sold old car and got a new car completely different to their usual tastes, inc one who sold her sensible family estate car and got a motorbike! She did this in one day without any warning to her dh and he was like “wtf!”
Sold their house!
You’re not quite in your usual mind just after giving birth so major decisions at the very least need careful consideration.
9 winding isn’t always needed at the top end! My dd needed to fart more, “cycling” her wee legs and patting lower down worked better for her
10 “Reading to them is nice but they don't care what you're reading, they just like the sound of your voice. So read them things you want to read yourself and spare the dull toddler books until they're older. Gossip magazines or great literature or whatever, it's all the same to them.” Yes! I read my favourite authors, and sang her 80’s pop or the “friends” theme (she learned embarrassingly early on when to do the claps!) ex read the rugby results! And sang her post-punk/ska songs - Dd didn’t care either way. Funny to listen to though 😂
@teenmumandsowhat - I’m so sorry you went through that hope you’re all getting the support you need now and good luck for the future
11 ok you’re ff, I’ll leave the bf tips for others who may like though.
“Its ok to make up bottles and store them in the fridge. Its not the way the NHS like you to make it, but it's very quick, and a method that the WHO do state is safe and fine to use.”
Yes I had to ff when my milk dried when dd was an older baby and that’s what I did, it was “allowed” then so I’d do a load for the next day after she was down for the night. I’ve done it for other babies I’ve cared for too no problem. As long as you’ve a good, well working fridge it really shouldn’t be an issue.
We co-slept, it didn’t actually occur to me to really do otherwise for the first few months as it was the norm in my family. I’m sure we’d have really struggled if we hadn’t as dd was a very cuddly baby and toddler.