To book my wedding without a decree absolute

[rosieposies]

Getting married in September this year. My first marriage, OH's second marriage.

In going through the process of everything we need to get together to give notice at our local registry office, OH has realised he never applied for a decree absolute after getting his nissi and is therefor still kind of married to exw.

I'm desperate to not miss out on our venue and just want to get it booked. We've got a solicitor working on it but have absolutely no idea how long this process takes. I know we should ask him but he's never in the office and takes ages to reply to emails and OH didn't think to ask when he instructed him.
There will be no problems with exw at all, it's more that I'm worried how long the paperwork will take to get turned around.

Would you book your venue and then give notice later on when you've got the absolute?

Sorry if this is in the wrong topic.

There are currently huge backlogs in the divorce courts and a small error in paperwork could result in the application getting rejected and put to the back of the queue again.

I really wouldn't risk it

Can you afford to lose out on your deposit or go ahead with a fakey ceremony only if he doesn’t get the paperwork through on time?

If so, crack on. If not then wait.

I wouldn’t. I’d wait until the paperwork came through and go from there. The venue doesn’t matter, it’s the vows that do.

How long has it been since he got the decree nissi?

Well I'm gutted. He's such a prat sometimes. This is typical OH 'I'll deal with it later' behaviour 🙄

The nisi was 5 years ago so past the 12 month threshold @MadamHattie

I applied around this time last year (perhaps early March?) and got mine through in early May. However I believe if you apply 12 months after the nisi was issued then you need to explain the delay to the court. Pp is correct in the current backlog in the family courts so I would wait.

You can always have a wedding at the venue and actually get married at a later date. I’d go ahead and book.

You may have to do the whole process again then. I finally divorced my exh this year and did it online, application started in April and got my absolute in August. So as long as its a straight forward divorce you may get it in time

Last year sorry!

OH has realised he never applied for a decree absolute after getting his nissi and is therefor still kind of married to exw.

As he is still married you are taking a risk that it won't all be done in time as it's so long since the decree nisi. He's not kind of married, he is married.

Are you sure his ex never applied for it and he does not realise it has already been sorted?

Light a fire under him, OP. He needs to do all the running here to put things right. He had no business proposing/accepting a proposal while not fully eligible!

No, don't do that. I've had so much time wasted by people who said their decree absolute was going to come through any minute now and it never appeared, I actually ask to see it now before confirming any bookings.

I'd not work myself into knots about sorting out his mess and I would not book a wedding.

I'd also rethink getting married to someone who dragged his feet in matters of such huge legal importance, but that's me.

He still has a wife, ffs!

@marashino you're right, I don't know why I thought there was a grey area to marriage.

@crimsonlake I'd rather not but I suppose We'll have to ask her. Things aren't terrible between them but they aren't exactly great and I'm sure she won't be that impressed with him. To be honest they're both so disorganised that I'm surprised they actually managed to get married in the first place.

How can two people not realise they're not actually divorced.

If you have your absolute heart set on the venue how would you feel about going ahead with the “Wedding” and then getting married legally at a later date? You don’t even have to tell people that’s what you’re doing if you don’t want to.

Marriage isn’t shades of grey - it’s black or white. Either he’s married or he’s not. Clearly he’s still married. I’d be furious. Sorry OP.

silencebeforethebleeps I started reading that thinking “crikey, how many people has she been engaged to?!?”

Op you just found out the man you are enganed to is still married.

I would be so angry.

@Dyrne

The guy knew he was married and he got engaged to you.

Let him sort this out OP. You are just enabling lazy behaviour which will continue in your marriage. He is still married. I would be fuming. How can he not know?

Contact quickiedivorece.com and see what they say

Just do the big wedding day as planned, but not do the actual legal part for real. Then go and do the paperwork stuff another time once it's all sorted.

My step-dad was in a similar place when he was getting married to my mum, but his ex-wife was a total boot and deliberately dragged the process out as long as possible, so they did the above.