To book my wedding without a decree absolute

[rosieposies]

Getting married in September this year. My first marriage, OH's second marriage.

In going through the process of everything we need to get together to give notice at our local registry office, OH has realised he never applied for a decree absolute after getting his nissi and is therefor still kind of married to exw.

I'm desperate to not miss out on our venue and just want to get it booked. We've got a solicitor working on it but have absolutely no idea how long this process takes. I know we should ask him but he's never in the office and takes ages to reply to emails and OH didn't think to ask when he instructed him.
There will be no problems with exw at all, it's more that I'm worried how long the paperwork will take to get turned around.

Would you book your venue and then give notice later on when you've got the absolute?

Sorry if this is in the wrong topic.

This happened to me. "Ex"W had to agree to the absolute going through as the nisi was granted several years prior. Fortunately she did but she could have kicked up no end of a fuss and delay, or so we were warned by the solicitors. It didn't take long (only a matter of weeks) but this was ages ago and I would not trust any court to do things fast these days.

When we got engaged I told him the registrar would need the decree absolute. He said he had never been sent it but would contact his solicitors to get it as he had instructed them to make sure it was obtained. Only to discover they had forgotten.

I was livid. Fortunately we didn't have a venue lined up or anything.

This is definitely something that you'll look back on and laugh about.

A pretend-wedding is an option (although probably not if it's a registry office) but honestly, signing that marriage schedule and that feeling of "this is it" while our family and friends looked on was such a lovely and unexpectedly momentous feeling on my wedding day. Some of my favourite pictures are of that moment. It would be sad for you to miss out on that.

There will be other dates and venues, in your shoes I'd definitely play it safe and wait until the paperwork is completely sorted.

You do realise she’s his next of kin in the event of his death?

This. And he had better make a will sharp-ish if he wants you to inherit anything in the event of his untimely death. Your marriage will then nullify the will and he will have to make another. Or he could make this will in contemplation of marriage to you but that seems somehow icky in view of the fact he is still legally married to her.

I wouldn't book it OP these things can take much longer than expected and you don't want to be stressed about it in the run up to your wedding.
Also remember that as a minimum you have to register your intention to marry no later than a month before the ceremony and your partner will need his decree absolute to be able to register. This means he would have to have received the paper copy in July (latest) really to give you time to book an appointment and give notice in time. That's only 5 months away - that is cutting it way too fine in my opinion.
Just wait a few more months until you get the absolute through. Why the big rush?

If it has not been done, make sure it gets worded properly. When I applied for mine it was refused because I had omitted to say ' no intentions of conceiving another child with my ex ' Since I was in my 50's I thought that was obvious, but apparently not.

@MooseBeTimeForSummer no clean break order or anything at all.

We'll be writing up a will ASAP and then will redo them after we get married. We'll have to reregister our daughters birth anyway so I'll just add it to the pile of admin.

I hadn't even thought of this.

Thankyou @Schwesterherz yes he's been a bit stupid but he's not a horrible person.

I wanted to get married before we started trying for another baby. I don't know why, just something I had in my head. Also I wanted the protection that being married brings as I am a stay at home parent and raising both of his children, so not earning any money. Not romantic but there you go.

rosieposies so you are with a man who is happy for you to be financially vulnerable staying at home raising his two children; and he hasn’t even bothered to ensure that you are protected in the event of his death? If he doesn’t have a Will, his current wife will be entitled to pretty much everything, and you’d have a long stressful legal fight ahead of you to try and secure any provision for your child.

Sounds like a keeper

Ooft. I'd rethink this one 🤷‍♀️

How many times did folk get married and then thinks this is funny?!?!?!! It's not funny at all.

Like others have said, since the changes in the Court Service there are huge delays, months and months. Even before the reforms, I woukdnt have recommended anyone booked their wedding before the absolute, but now the delays are here and it doesn’t look like they are going to go away, it might be a bit foolhardy.

Again I’m repeating what others have said but if you can afford to lose the deposit or are willing to have a party without actually getting married, then you could book, just bear in mind that this is the most likely outcome, it’s very unlikely that the Decree Absolute will be with him by September, no matter what the Solicitor says.

My now fiancé wasn't fully divorced when I met him, and neither was I - the difference was, I actually knew I wasn't!!!

It took me about five years to actually get my decree absolute because ex was (still is) a narcissist and firstly tried to contest, then refused to agree on grounds of his unreasonable behaviour etc...

As for fiancé, him and his ex-wife had been amicably separated for years. They'd got the decree nisi ages ago, but she'd said she'd sort the absolute and didn't file it! Being Mr Disorganised he'd put it out of his mind until she messaged him about six months into our relationship saying she'd just applied!

Tbh it didn't bother me. For one I still had got my absolute either, but both my fiancé and I were well and truly separated - we were just waiting for the last piece of paper before it was legally recognised.

The only thing we couldn't do was get married without it but that made no odds because we were in no rush.

We now both have our decree absolutes-I've resisted the temptation to actually frame mine!!

We'd planned to marry this year but decided to have a baby instead (I'm 39 and marriage can wait!) I'm now 26 weeks pregnant (my third, fiancé's first)

Only just seen this bit OH has come home and told me the solicitor said May for decree absolute if exw (maybe I should refer to her as DW???) signs some paperwork. If she doesn't sign it he has to start the whole divorce process again and it will be June worst case scenario.

If she doesn’t sign it will not be June, well unless his Solicitor has some kind of magic wand.

If she doesn’t sign for the Decree Absolute, she might not sign the new petition and if that’s the case it could add months onto the process.

Also, if he were to die, which is unlikely but could happen, not only would she inherit but she’d also have to pay for the funeral and have full say in what happened.

It’s not a common scenario but one I’ve seen more than once.

Was there a financial settlement?

Knewyiu I think the OP has said that there hasn’t been one, though why he hasn’t even sorted out that much, I’m not sure.

There's no financial settlement. He has applied for a decree absolute and a clean break order.

She's not got back to him yet so I don't know how she's taken the fact they're still married. Feeling really uncertain now about how she's going to be about all of this. They've been separated 7 years though so I don't know how that works, surely you can't contest it after that long?

I'm cancelling the wedding. OH doesn't want to as he believes the solicitor but too many people on here are talking about the backlogs etc. I can't let my sister and best friend book flights and put down 4 grand on our venue hoping the absolute will come through by June.

@RainMinusBow can I just ask how long it was between applying for the absolute and getting it?

I'm cancelling the wedding. OH doesn't want to as he believes the solicitor but too many people on here are talking about the backlogs etc. I can't let my sister and best friend book flights and put down 4 grand on our venue hoping the absolute will come through by June

Does he usually show such little regard to finance? Not applying for his Absolute is stupid but could be forgiven. Not putting in for a financial order, even is that is a clean break, then wanting to risk a further £4K on a wedding that might not happen, plus letting your DSister and BF lose money on flights and possibly annual leave is very worrying.

Is he willing to make a will with his Solicitor very soon?

As for the Divorce. If she’s not willing to let the Absolute go through. He may be able to petition again on the grounds that they have been separated for over 5 years, which should go through smoothly, but again, there could be delays.

I'd wait until you have the decree absolute before you book anything. It's a shame but you don't want to have to cancel closer to the time.

@JiltedJohnsJulie not now, but 7 years ago yes he was dreadful. He was horribly in debt and didn't have anything. We have built our lives from the ground up post his divorce. He didn't realise the divorce wasn't finalised and so didn't realise there were still possible financial ties.

Divorce lawyer here.

Decree Absolute takes 1-2 weeks in my local court. What is the local court for your DP's divorce?

It's really not an issue to get a DA after the 12 months has passed. All you need to do is write a letter with the application explaining the delay and confirming they have not reconciled or had children in the interim.

I think you have absolutely plenty of time to sort this out before the wedding.

Before I cancelled it, I'd have him speak to her and see if there was an issue. If none I'd book ahead, sept is quite far on, even from June.

this is what the relevant court rule says:

(3) Where the notice is received more than 12 months after the making of the decree nisi or the conditional order, it must be accompanied by an explanation in writing stating –

(a) why the application has not been made earlier;

(b) whether the applicant and respondent have lived together since the decree nisi or the conditional order was made, and, if so, between what dates;

(c) if the applicant is female, whether she has given birth to a child since the decree nisi or the conditional order was made and whether it is alleged that the child is or may be a child of the family;

(d) if the respondent is female, whether the applicant has reason to believe that she has given birth to a child since the decree nisi or the conditional order was made and whether it is alleged that the child is or may be a child of the family.

(4) Where paragraph (3) applies, the court may –

(a) require the applicant to file an affidavit verifying the explanation or to verify the explanation with a statement of truth; and

(b) make such order on the application as it thinks fit, but where it orders the decree nisi to be made absolute or the conditional order to be made final that order is not to take effect until the court is satisfied that none of the matters mentioned in paragraph (2)(a) to (i) applies.

Was DP the Respondent or the petitioner? If petitioner the application is really very easy, just a one page form and the explanation above.

If he was the Respondent it's a different procedure and the exW will be given notice - see below for the procedure.

Respondent applying for decree absolute
The respondent can apply for decree absolute three months after the earliest date on which the petitioner could have obtained the decree absolute (six weeks after decree nisi). This means waiting a period of four and a half months (see section 9(2) of the MCA 1973, section 40(2) of the CPA 2004 and FPR 7.33 ). The respondent will have to complete an application notice (Form D11) and pay a court fee (see Form EX50: Civil and family court fees). The client may qualify for full or part remission of the court fee (see Leaflet EX160A (Court fees: do I have to pay them?) and Practice note, Issuing divorce or dissolution proceedings: Court fee or exemption from fee form).
The petitioner must be served with notice of the application as there will often be a short hearing at which the respondent will explain why she is applying for decree nisi to be made absolute and the petitioner may wish to attend this hearing.
The court may:
Make decree absolute.
Ask for further information from the parties.
Rescind the decree nisi.
Otherwise deal with the case as it thinks fit.
(Section 9(1), MCA 1973).
The court will grant decree absolute provided the matters set out at FPR 7.32(2) are satisfied (FPR 7.33(4))

Thankyou @TooTrusting that's made me feel a lot better. His lawyer didn't seem to think it was an issue either. It's Brighton courts.