...to think the Samaritans isn't always the best intervention for those in crisis?

[AwkwardPigeon]

I'm just getting sick of the half-hearted attempts to help people suffering with their mental health on social media, all of these prescriptive tweets and FB posts with the addendum of the Samaritans phone number.

As a society we really need to be doing more than just directing all suicidal people to the Samaritans, I'm not doubting it's a useful lifeline to some in a time of need but it definitely has its limitations. I question its effectiveness in comparison to other interventions like face-to-face regular counselling sessions which unfortunately there are very long waiting lists for under the NHS and sadly many people if they were suicidal would (and probably do) take their own lives before getting a referral.

The Samaritans service have helped me in the past to a degree when, although not suicidal, I was struggling considerably with my feelings around specific events however I did get the impression they were scared to give any actual advice. Another time I rang them the most fed up-sounding man ever answered the phone and I just hung up because I sensed I wouldn't be able to open up to him. I think it's a lottery like many other services in that whom you get through to depends on the quality of help you receive and the level of optimism you feel once the call ends.

Also, call me cynical but I just think it's so easy for individuals to push the burden onto the Samaritans when we shouldn't really be relying on a charity largely funded by donations from the public to fix everyone's mental health problems and prevent suicides. There are so many other agencies that need to play a part too and us as individuals in helping those we know rather than signposting them to a charity to speak to a stranger. Am I being too harsh?!

I was referred to the ADHD clinic, for ADHD a neurological condition, and sent a letter explaining that due to long wait times they suggested I access samaritans if I'm in crisis.

I want some f'ing medication not sams!

I've been in severe distress and rang up. They answer with how can I help. So you let it all out and there's silence at the end of the line. So you say 'Hello - are you still there?' 'Yes, I'm listening'.

I'm glad you've said this. I thought it was just me. Literally silence on the end of the line. No listening noises, no 'oh that sounds tough'. Literally nothing . I hung up feeling like he was there to make a fool of me. Made me feel worse about myself than I did before I rang.

@LaneBoy, hope you get the help you need from the doctor and whatever other support you need. Please don't be put off calling Samaritans by the PP who calls them "incredibly, incredibly rigid". I've volunteered and trained for them for many years, and this isn't my experience at all. The people I work with are a real mixture but are genuinely caring and human. You won't get advice from Samaritans, that's true, but you might be surprised (as a caller OR a volunteer) at how powerful 'just listening' can sometimes be. I certainly have been.

similarminimer How dare you call our feedback nonsense? Very helpful.

Lame boy - don't be put off. You are trained to ask how the person felt about it - not say 'Oh, you must have felt...' because in some situations the person won't have felt that.

Eg 'my mother died'. 'Oh you must have felt really sad'. Caller thinks 'no, I felt relief and and anger, maybe that's the wrong thing to feel, I'll shut up about it'

I think this is an important and valid thread. I would imagine a lot of the people recommending the Samaritans have no idea how it actually works or what kind of help they can offer. It’s important those who have mental health issues are not further censored and denied a voice in being able to say actually something doesn’t work for them or isn’t helpful. If we can’t have that kind of conversation things will never get better.

There's lots of helpful useful feedback on here. But lots of misinformation (aka nonsense) too. And depressed or suicidal people are very likely to fix on the negatives.

Well... that is when they would call Samaritans because they don't want to be on their own when they have taken tablets for instance

Nope. Often by the time people are at that stage, them reaching out isn’t going to happen.

This thread has worried me no end. What if someone reads this who was thinking of calling them?

What if someone calls them thinking they will have the answer and they don’t? Isn’t that just as bad a situation?

This was many years ago. I had one who was lovely, she had a headmistress vibe to her and did help me.
The other couple of times I called they were hopeless and left me feeling worse. No chat, just the listening and no help.

I have used them and I would recommend them. They are a safe place in a storm, a place to be honest about feelings. Sometimes it’s helpful just to say things out loud. Sure, they aren’t the be all and end all for everyone, some things work for some people, some times.

I volunteer for a similar service aimed at young people. I know that there are some people I find it easier to talk to than others, there are some more willing to be honest and to be helped by others. The people that turn up, shift after shift, to try to help others in crisis are doing far more than posting platitudes on social media and I think, even if a service hasn’t worked for me or for you, that commitment and that intent should be recognised.

@LaneBoy
Please don't be put off from calling or from volunteering. The Samaritans is a listening line, not a conversation line, but they are there to listen to you and to whatever is on your mind.
Helping others through volunteering is rewarding too. I have done it and loved it.

The trite social media stuff is really irritating me having grown up with a parent with severe mental illness. Actually no, being kinder would have done fuck all. It is the medication and extensive intervention from the psych team that keeps my mother out of hospital. You wouldn’t tell people to be kind to someone with a physical illness. You’d get them the right medical support.

I don’t understand why so many people on here are insulting the Samaritans, I didn’t think the OP was a dig at the charity but about how we as a society need to do more. FWIW I think the Samaritans is a fantastic charity, run by volunteers (I have family members who volunteered and it was really hard on them at times). I called them for advice after a DV incident and found them invaluable, they didn’t tell me what to do but I needed to talk to someone and couldn’t talk to any of my friends at that point in time (I did at a later point). I really wish people wouldn’t insult a charity just because it wasn’t exactly what they needed, it’s not going to be a catch-all service but it is extremely valuable for many people and doubtless has saved many lives over the years.
But, as the OP said, we need much better services provided than just a charity phone line.

The people that turn up, shift after shift, to try to help others in crisis are doing far more than posting platitudes on social media

Definitely this. An important distinction.

Similarminimer people on here who are commenting on here are not necessarily depressed and suicidal, they may have been in the past but it's not a permanent state you know. And it shouldn't be taken down just because you say it's dangerous. I agree with the PP that it may help people who've found the Samaritans to be unhelpful, to not feel it's just them as they're touted to be the answer to everyone in crisis. If people are not finding them useful, it's important to have that discussion.

You say that they are there offering support and understanding but how are they doing that if they're just not speaking on the end of a phone.

My experience of ringing several times was that, just silence. Active listening is not the same as giving advice. But it can make the other person feel heard and understood. If people are wondering if the other person is still on the line, I just don't see how that helps.

i hate mumsnet sometimes

the samaritans are there.....there is no nhs alternative and won't be anytime soon either

also, with mh issues, there is mostly no cure......so what is a person to do to help someone suicidal? talking, listening ....it might stall it

i know the cliff walkers at beach head have saved a few people.

Volunteers are not above reproach.

As a volunteer myself who works with vulnerable service users, if I was acting in a way that could potentially cause further harm to someone; then I would expect to be picked up on it; and I would expect the charity I volunteer for to give me the support and training needed to improve; not just shrug their shoulders and go “well she’s a volunteer, what do you expect?”.

As I have said, the Samaritans do an amazing thing and their volunteers are amazing; however I also don’t think they are some magical untouchable organisation who cannot have flaws.

I don't understand your point Dyrne - are you suggesting that the Samaritans don't train and support their volunteers?

also, with mh issues, there is mostly no cure

I disagree. Most conditions are treatable.

To be honest I think by invalidating and attacking the brave people who have shared their honest experience with the charity some posters are doing more damage than anyone on here.

Talking to them saved my life. It's that simple.

Just adding for balance. I’ve had cause to call Samaritans a few times fairly recently and each time I’ve spoken to warm, softly spoken women who have helped guide me to express what I was having trouble putting into words about why things felt so hopeless.

To all the volunteers on this thread - thank you

Some people find samaritans a lifesaver. Other people find them useless. As has been repeated, they are a listening service and not counselling. They are not allowed to offer advice, they are there to listen. Sometimes thats all you need. When I was in a crisis, it didnt help a jot.
Ive also been a sam and I think people dont realise they are not therapy, they are usually elderly people and young students who just want to help ( noone else can manage doing their frequently required night shifts for free)
It annoys me that its pushed as a solution for suicidal people in crisis. Its incredibly hard for the samaritan to have to stay on the line while someone dies without being allowed to try to talk them out of it, and Im not sure of the use to the client in those cases either

That's good to hear Bluewater.

Equally, I should be allowed to give my experience of them.

similarminimer I’m saying there are some posters on here who seem to be brushing off criticism of the service by turning it into an attack on them.

Shrugging off appalling examples of “help” given as down to individual personality or that they are just a volunteer doing the best they can; is massively concerning. To me, if a volunteer is thinking in order to listen they have to stay silent, even when a caller is literally begging them to speak to them; then yes it is a sign that training has failed somewhere along the line. And this should be picked up and fed back, not shrugged off that people are being meanies.