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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Breastfeeding toddler in a shop, AIBU?

999 replies

Refreshed · 17/02/2020 11:46

To cut a long story short, out this morning and fed DS (2.5) sitting on a cushion seat in a shoe shop. A few other customers around but nobody even looking like they'd like to try on shoes. All other seats next to me completely free.

An assistant came up to me and said please can I do that somewhere else? The seats are for trying on seats only.

DS was done by this point anyway so I got up and left.

AIBU to have fed him there, and see it as an acceptable place to feed? No other people were sitting there and I wasn't preventing anyone from sitting next to us in the mny other seats avaible Confused

OP posts:
AngryAtYouTube · 17/02/2020 13:35

Hmmm, at 2.5 he could have waited until you were somewhere suitable for a snack/drink.

You've said it's the sort of place you have to drive to - so you could have sat in the car for those 5 minutes.

And I say this as someone who breastfed DC until age 3.5. Doesn't hurt them to wait 5 minutes. And I personally think acting like this can do harm for attitudes towards BF mothers and natural term breastfeeding. Both of which I'm a big supporter of.

Mintjulia · 17/02/2020 13:35

If you had to drive to get there, why not go back to your car?

A shoe shop isn’t the place to feed anyone, I’m not surprised they asked you to leave.

WarrenNicole · 17/02/2020 13:35

The comments about breastfeeding are so disappointing.

Saying that, I’ve only ever read comments like this online. I’ve never had anyone say anything to me. I feed my son anywhere. And I’ve never been made to feel uncomfortable by anyone.

Original poster
Refreshed · 17/02/2020 13:37

For the poster asking why I won't accept the majority YABU result, it is because of people's ridiculous comparisons and not even thinly veiled dislike of BF. If you don't have an issue with someone quickly sitting in a quiet shop to cuddle a toddler, why would you have an issue with someone quickly sitting for a quick BF? What is the difference? If anything a breastfeed is even safer than a drink of water. My toddler has spilt water before but he's never got breastmilk anywhere

OP posts:
Berrymuch · 17/02/2020 13:37

You weren't being unreasonable, I think it's perhaps unreasonable though to think that people who work in retail know the laws around BFing with healthcare professionals seem to offer no support with it or have a clue! There's much bigger issues around breastfeeding in this country than feeding a 2.5 year old in a shoe shop.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 17/02/2020 13:38

At that age, given you had already paid and were leaving, I’d have just waited until back at the car. Lots of children that age are in preschool or nursery so learn to wait for meals.

DippyAvocado · 17/02/2020 13:38

You are legally entitled to breastfeed a child of any age in any public space so of course YANBU. The staff of the shop would have been within their rights to ask you to move to another comfortable place that they provided within their store if they felt the seat you were sitting on was impacting other customers.

It's been five years since I last breastfed a child (in many public places including shops, never once asked to stop) and it seems from this thread that views have gone backwards a few decades since then. Why should she be expected to go and sit in a cold, cramped car to feed when she's perfectly entitled to feed in the shop?

Fortunately people's opinions matter not one jot on this issue as it is enshrined in law.

LaurieMarlow · 17/02/2020 13:38

A shoe shop isn’t the place to feed anyone

Why not? It appears to be fine to consume coffee/water/juice there.

CatteStreet · 17/02/2020 13:39

Quite, OP. The ridiculous 'food' comparisons are very obviously attempts to avoid coming out and saying that it's the bf these people have the problem with.

Ohyesyoudid · 17/02/2020 13:40

@honeybee85

It doesn't matter if they're worried about losing custom because a woman was feeding her child.
She has a legal right to feed her child in the store without harassment from the staff or anyone else for that matter.
If there was a customer complaining that a woman was feeding her child the staff should explain this to them.
It's not like she was waving her fanny about shouting look at me!!!!

I despair at the attitudes on this thread, women should be supporting women who choose extended breast feeding.
If I could've breast fed my child I would and I would've done it for as long as possible too.

Witsendagain · 17/02/2020 13:40

The Equality Act 2010 puts a mother's right to breastfeed a child of any age in any public place (including businesses) into law. The only exceptions being if there is a significant health and safety risk or if the public place is for male use (where not discriminating against women) e. G. Some religious facilities.
The shop assistant was breaking the law to move you on.
This would apply if your child was 10 months or 10 years.
Whether other people agree or not doesn't matter, its your legal right.

StealthLemonade · 17/02/2020 13:41

I cannot fathom why this would be unreasonable. Not even slightly. Age does not come into it. Coming back to MN after many years - boy oh boy it's changed...

OpportunityKnocks · 17/02/2020 13:41

Yanbu
Shop isn't busy, plenty of other seating. You are an actual customer rather than wandering in off the streets. You were doing no harm at all.

I think the shop assistant was uncomfortable and was making a point, not because they are strictly seats for trying on shoes.

Ps thanks for trying to normalise breastfeeding

Honeybee85 · 17/02/2020 13:41

This topic reminds me of an episode of Married with Children, in which neighbour Marcia is breastfeeding her baby in Al’s shoe shop, is asked to leave and as a revenge shows up with several other breastfeeding mums to occupy the shop as a protest Grin

Poppinjay · 17/02/2020 13:41

If it's an appropriate place/time to sit down and comfort a toddler, it's an appropriate place/time to BF them. It literally makes no difference to anyone else whether you are holding them on your lap or they are latched on. I'm certain that, if you had just been holding your DS, the staff would have had no issue with it whatsoever. Therefore YANBU.

It's not like allowing you to BF your DS there and then was going to open the floodgates to a hoard of BFing mothers constantly using their seating and stopping other customers trying on shoes.

People saying that you should have said no/made him wait are not pro-BFing. They're pro-BFing in certain circumstances, including if the child meets their age criteria.

Someone holding their child in a safe, appropriate situation is none of anyone else's business. Someone doing the same while BFing is also none of anyone else's business.

EasterIssland · 17/02/2020 13:43

this is law says

Breastfeeding in Public Places. The Equality Act 2010 says that it is discrimination to treat a woman unfavourably because she is breastfeeding. ... Therefore, a cafe owner cannot ask you to stop breastfeeding, ask you to move or cover up or refuse to serve you.

So you could complain if you wanted for discrimination

myself2020 · 17/02/2020 13:45

A 2.5 year old can and should wait fir a snack - go to a cafe or a foodcourt for food (including breastfeeding older kids). if you wouldn’t unpack a picknick there, don’t breastfeed an older child (babies are obviously different)
i‘ve breastfed both of mine until way over 1 year

dramalamma · 17/02/2020 13:46

I can't vote but YANBU and are protected by law whatever the age of the child. I'm always shocked on breastfeeding threads on Mumsnet by the massively biased attitude to anyone who allows a baby to (shock horror) feed past the first few months! So much pearl clutching! You know you're doing the best by your child, I suspect you also know you weren't being unreasonable and the shop assistant was breaking the law. It's no wonder breastfeeding rates are so low. Shocking behaviour from them and the majority on this thread.

Bibidy · 17/02/2020 13:47

Sorry OP, I do think YAB a bit U to be so surprised the shop assistant said something.

I have no issue with breastfeeding at all, including in public, but I do think to take a seat in a near-empty shop and start breastfeeding would generally be seen as a little odd to people around.

To take your point about the cuddle, I'd also think it was a little strange if somebody sat in a shoe shop cuddling their toddler as well, if they weren't waiting for someone who was queuing or trying shoes on etc.

I'm not saying the shop assistant was right and you were wrong, but I also don't think it was unreasonable - or more accurately, unbelievable - that she said something.

In that situation, since you'd finished buying shoes by this time and there are no other shops in this location so no reason for you to stay there, I'd have been more likely to take DS back to the car and feed him there.

Poppinjay · 17/02/2020 13:47

if you wouldn’t unpack a picknick there, don’t breastfeed an older child

Why?

Omashu · 17/02/2020 13:48

It really doesn’t matter if he has ASD!! So it doesn’t matter if that information was drop fed. It also doesn’t matter if you were a customer. As a pp said you’re protected by the law.

And for all those sitting on their pedestal saying “I breastfed till 3 but only at night blah blah” just remember that THAT’S YOU! Not the OP and her son.

I know OP asked for opinions but there is a lot of judging and shaming going on when a mother just wanted to feed and calm down her son.

Based on what you have said, the shop assistant was absolutely unreasonable and just didn’t want you feeding.

Jellybeansincognito · 17/02/2020 13:48

Hmm I don’t know how I feel about this one.

You’re not being unreasonable for breastfeeding your 2.5 year old, of course not.

But I think it’s unreasonable that he’s clearly struggling with his emotions and you’re offering a BF because it’s convenient for you, almost like you’re preventing him from exploring these emotions?

No judgement from me, what so ever at all but if you haven’t already please do discuss this with an actual health professional.

Of course there’s times as a parent you just want them to stop feeling overwhelmed the quickest way possible but if we all did this all the time our children wouldn’t ever learn how to deal with how they feel.

Especially when that means you probably don’t get a break from him because of this?

OpportunityKnocks · 17/02/2020 13:49

@Pinkyyy why are you against bf in public?
It's so restrictive if you don't, particularly in the baby phase

LaurieMarlow · 17/02/2020 13:50

But I think it’s unreasonable that he’s clearly struggling with his emotions and you’re offering a BF because it’s convenient for you, almost like you’re preventing him from exploring these emotions?

Wft?

Poppinjay · 17/02/2020 13:51

you’re offering a BF because it’s convenient for you, almost like you’re preventing him from exploring these emotions?

Does that apply to all the parents who would cuddle or talk to their overwhelmed toddlers? What about those who would tickle them, point out an animal or distract them in another way? Would it be wrong to give a tetchy child a different drink or snack?

Or is it just BFing that would be wrong?