Breastfeeding toddler in a shop, AIBU?

[Refreshed]

To cut a long story short, out this morning and fed DS (2.5) sitting on a cushion seat in a shoe shop. A few other customers around but nobody even looking like they'd like to try on shoes. All other seats next to me completely free.

An assistant came up to me and said please can I do that somewhere else? The seats are for trying on seats only.

DS was done by this point anyway so I got up and left.

AIBU to have fed him there, and see it as an acceptable place to feed? No other people were sitting there and I wasn't preventing anyone from sitting next to us in the mny other seats avaible

@FET2020 Please don’t be nervous. Keep going and pay attention to one else .

Totally inappropriate in my opinion.

The important point here being that it doesn't matter what your opinion is about where someone else is BFing. Being pro-BFing means supporting other mothers to BF in places and at times that they feel appropriate without imposing our own values on them.

I imagine the op's child will be going to nursery or similar in the next year. Can' be insisting on boob food then

He's attended nursery since 12 months and loves it. Never expressed any milk for him and he's absolutely fine without in my absence

misplaced guilt perhaps

You keep saying this FET can we all have an explanation to what you think anyone might be feeling guilty?

@AllesAusLiebe If the shop could not provide the patron with another means to continue nursing her child then they should have left her alone. She’s allowed to nurse her child in that shop. If that shop hasn’t equipped themselves to deal with that in that’s their fault. They will then have to allow the lady to nurse her child in the available seats.

This isn't quite true, speaking as someone who is very clear that OP was in the right. There's no legal requirement for a shop to allow a woman to breastfeed a child in an available seat per se or to equip themselves with any suitable facilities. Only to not prevent a woman from breastfeeding or treat her less favourably because she's doing it. So if they don't allow people to use the seats to give drinks to small children or do anything at all other than try on shoes full stop, fine. It would then be legal to tell a breastfeeding mother she's not allowed to sit on the chair to do it.

Practically speaking, I bet they don't tell every parent of a 2 year old sitting on the seats that they can't use the seats while they're sitting and having a drink. I've given mine drinks in shoe shops before. But if they did, it would be legal to refuse a breastfeeding mother use of the seat too.

My understanding is people can’t turn away a bf Mum and a baby/ child from somewhere they would otherwise be allowed to be. It doesn’t allow “access all areas” if you wouldn’t otherwise be entitled to be there.

'Today 15:40sauvignonblancplz
@ByMeansToGo
I think you’re being incredibly aggressive and attacking .
For what purpose?
One person is defending...'

The only person dishing out labels and being incredibly nasty if they hold a different opinion to your own is you @sauvignon when you don't like an opinion you seem to dish out names and attempt to intimidate and shut the other person down. Let's please keep this thread civilised and not make it into a battle of who is right or wrong. Everybody is entitled to their opinions whether you agree with them or not.

Exactly OP. You will have to go back to the shop next week, but a pair of shoes, then sit your toddler down and give him a snack, or read him a story, and see what the shop assistants say, before anyone can claim it was discrimination.

I have no idea why people are suggesting you should make a child wait for comfort, simply because it is in your power to do so. The child needs comfort, the mother is happy to give it, it is her legal right to do so, so she does. It's not difficult. It's good parenting

I would like to clarify that we rarely feed in public, and didn't do much of it even when he was tiny. Simply because it naturally just doesn't happen. Not because I've said no. But in times when it is wanted, I will provide if I'm comfortable and it is safe to do so.

It isn't like comforting with a chocolate bar because they're bloody treats. Breastfeeding isn't a treat, it is simply a very good comfort tool with excellent nutritional benefits. It meets logs of emotional needs of my DS in times of distress. I would not take him off to a cafe and buy something to comfort him with a hug, so I will not do so to breastfeed. It isn't a meal. If you're of the opinion that comforting an upset toddler whenever isn't on then that's fair enough, you're entitled to that opinion. But my view is that emotional needs are met whenever I can.

I am firm on my own rules and DS does not ask or kick off about sweets or toys. It just doesn't happen thankfully (haha, I bet it starts to soon). But anyway, he simply requests to me what is emotional support.

I have on a few occasions denied him BF because I either didn't feel comfortable or it wasn't a time I could stop. For example, helping someone get ready for a wedding and it being a major rush. I couldn't feed him there and then and his dad stepped in.

Or when wedding pictures.were taken. I am pro feeding to the desired age but wouldn't feed anyone of any age in wedding pictures to last a lifetime Just as I wouldn't be hugging someone in pictures with a desired pose.

I hope this goes some way into the structure of parenting I take. If you believe children can be spoiled by too much love then I'm guilty as charged and couldnt give a flying toss.

@sauvignonblancplz I haven't been rude at all. I've expressed an opinion that differs from yours.

Okay, it was a little pedantic to ask the woman to move. I wouldn't have done it. The point remains, however, that the woman wasn't discriminated against. If she was told not to breastfeed in the shop, then of course, that would've amounted to discrimination. She wasn't though. She was merely asked not to use the seats.

I'm probreastfeeding and think that women should be able to do this in public without feeling uncomfortable or intimidated, but you can't expect that just because you've decided to breastfeed that it's okay to inconvenience others.

As I said previously - common sense required all round.

My understanding is people can’t turn away a bf Mum and a baby/ child from somewhere they would otherwise be allowed to be. It doesn’t allow “access all areas” if you wouldn’t otherwise be entitled to be there.

Yes exactly. It doesn't create any rights you wouldn't otherwise have if you were present with a child who wasn't being breastfed. However I rather doubt that two year olds being given a drink of water on the seats are always met with the response OP got.

My understanding is people can’t turn away a bf Mum and a baby/ child from somewhere they would otherwise be allowed to be. It doesn’t allow “access all areas” if you wouldn’t otherwise be entitled to be there

Damn it. That's my plans to take my entitled arse backstage at the Brit awards ruined

@Yesterdayforgotten
I haven’t called anyone any names
Or been aggressive at all.

Damn it. That's my plans to take my entitled arse backstage at the Brit awards ruined

Do a search on here for Cedar Falls lmao

sauvignonblancplz not sure what you're so confused about. You have dished out multiple labels, its here in the thread in black and white. I believe you're most recent one was 'aggressive 'about a pp' that was stating their opinion. Again let's keep it civilised.

@Refreshed you sound like a great parent. People on here are talking bollocks.

@Yesterday forgotten
I definitely haven’t been, and have only expressed my opinion that is supported by the law.
I think you should take the time to read the thread, and my comments more carefully.
I do feel that to force a point with the intention to de-rail the discussion & ignore the facts is aggressive especially when it’s pushed and pushed.
I am repeating the sentiments of the law, in the hope that another woman doesn’t feel uncomfortable.
That’s not aggressive at all.

Who called you aggressive? It was you that called somebody else aggressive. Do you need to reread?

Let's keep the discussion civilised. If somebody has the opinion the op is unreasonable than that is up to the mand their view. My personal opinion is that the op was reasonable but I dont feel the need to berate others who have a different opinion from my own. Different viewpoints are a positive thing and make for a fair thread.

@Refreshed

I was agreeing with you feed whenever and wherever you need/want to as far as I'm concerned. Taking care of your child's needs is number 1 priority and your legal right. I certainly exercise my right to feed in public a lot!

them and^

@Yesterdayforgotten no problem .

I'm shocked reading this thread. It's unbelievable really. Please keep feeding wherever and for however long you and your child want. Unless you are actively blocking access to something that you would be awkward sitting in anyway. Why are people such arseholes. I bet half the people her have posted a screenshot picture of 'if you can be anything in this world, be kind' to small in the past week. 🙄 just ignore and forget these people. Just for context. I never fed past 18m, not that it matters.its justvit was our choice. NoONE elses.

It is interesting how often people overestimate what equalities and discrimination laws require of private businesses. This subject comes up a lot. But the bar the law sets for them is actually very low, there's no requirement at all to actively make accommodation. It really requires very, very little of a business to comply with it: they can still have age limits that exclude pretty much every breastfed child, they can have rules about not eating and drinking in a particular area, they don't have to provide chairs and can have a setup that practically speaking makes breastfeeding very difficult, there are even circumstances where a woman who is actually mid breastfeed could legally be allowed to leave. This is hardly onerous, is it? Yet so often we hear of businesses failing to meet even these minimal legal requirements.

Sorry legally allowed to be asked to leave. Obviously a mid breastfeeding woman has every right to choose to leave!