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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Breastfeeding toddler in a shop, AIBU?

999 replies

Refreshed · 17/02/2020 11:46

To cut a long story short, out this morning and fed DS (2.5) sitting on a cushion seat in a shoe shop. A few other customers around but nobody even looking like they'd like to try on shoes. All other seats next to me completely free.

An assistant came up to me and said please can I do that somewhere else? The seats are for trying on seats only.

DS was done by this point anyway so I got up and left.

AIBU to have fed him there, and see it as an acceptable place to feed? No other people were sitting there and I wasn't preventing anyone from sitting next to us in the mny other seats avaible Confused

OP posts:
LaurieMarlow · 17/02/2020 13:17

be given other sources of food.

Why are they ok when a bf is not?

IceCreamFace · 17/02/2020 13:18

Wow some really regressive comments on breastfeeding here. If you have an issue with a 2.5 year old breastfeeding then you're either a bit dim or just have social hang ups. Either way it's irrational and shouldn't influence how other people act.

In terms of the shop I would say it would have been nice of them to allow it since you had bought shoes there and it wasn't busy but I can see why they don't want their seats taken up by people feeding kids.

I'd ignore the moronic comments some people have made re asd. If a child was over stimulated and needed to be calmed down to avoid a meltdown it should be done ASAP. Anyone who disagrees is both cruel and ignorant.

CatteStreet · 17/02/2020 13:19

'It seems to me you were trying to cause a scene'

Hmm This suggests that you think breastfeeding in public is scene-worthy, somehow scandalous. (In which you wouldn't be alone, it seems, considering some other views on this thread. 'Against' bf in public? Dear God).

YWNBU. You were a customer in the shop, the seats weren't in use, the one you were on wasn't needed. I've fed mine in public at that age, albeit not particularly often (not because of anyone's small-minded objections, but because it didn't come up often). The age and frequency of feeding your child and how you choose to meet their needs is precisely as much anyone else's business as it would be if they had a dummy in (for example - I am absolutely certain if someone posted on here exercised about someone else's toddler having a dummy they would be given short shrift).

Laiste · 17/02/2020 13:19

So this whole thing is about the right to breastfeed literally anywhere?

We've got round the 'hunger/emergency' issue by having the child 2.5 years old.
We've got round the 'he could have waited then' question by the possibility of ASD.
We've got round the 'it's for selling shoes' argument by you having bought some shoes.

Can't think of any other complications - so OP - it's a can i breast feed anywhere question. The answer is legally yes, so did you not challenge the shop assistant or are you going to report them?

CatteStreet · 17/02/2020 13:19

Sorry, that should say 'OP, YWNBU', as the first paragraph wasn't addressing the OP.

HerRoyalFattyness · 17/02/2020 13:22

For fucks sake. It's 2020.
Op YANBU. At all.

I FF all three of mine, but if they needed comforting in a shoe shop for any reason, I wouldn't think twice about sitting on an empty seat and giving them a cuddle to calm them.
I see no difference between that and op breastfeeding her child.

NapTrapped · 17/02/2020 13:22

YANBU. Would anyone question if you had sat down briefly for a quick sip of water whilst shopping? I don't think it should be any different for a toddler who's thirsty/hungry/looking for a quick bit of comfort, especially if they're used to being fed on demand.

No wonder women aren't supported with extended breastfeeding where there are many benefits to both child and mother.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 17/02/2020 13:23

Its a hard one for me to decide if yabu or not:
Im very pro breastfeeding and think in public is fine and shouldnt be questioned
however a 2.5yr old doesnt need to be fed on demand (in fact at that age they are fed for comfort more than nourishment) and I think a cafe or a public bench would make more sense than in the middle of a shop.

CalamityJune · 17/02/2020 13:24

I think the meal is comparable because it's a social norm, and that's surely what you're asking about.

You can walk around and continue shopping while having a drink or a small handheld snack. Not so with breastfeeding a toddler.

I appreciate your mention of ASD and take that on board. As a fellow mother of (afaik NT) 2.5yo, I'm trying to show my son at the moment that sometimes he needs to wait for things whether he likes it or not, so perhaps that is also influencing my view.

TheGriffle · 17/02/2020 13:25

I’m still breasting feeding my nearly 3 year old so have nothing against feeding older children but I don’t feed her in public anymore and wouldn’t have fed in the shop after just buying shoes. If you had done your shopping there why didn’t you just nip back to the car with your purchase and feed him there before carrying on?

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 17/02/2020 13:25

OP many of us don't think it's ok to give food or drink to a demanding toddler in the middle of a shoe shop either.

Your child is 2.5. That's old enough to learn you do not always get your wants instantly met, only your needs. A random bf in the middle of a shop is not a need for a child old enough to have eaten and had a drink at a mealtime. I don't give snacks just because my toddler pesters.

izzywizzygood · 17/02/2020 13:26

She was a bit rude, but maybe she thought you had just chosen the shop for the seats and not shoes. As it ended without anymore hassle, just forget about it. Not worth the time.

gospelsinger · 17/02/2020 13:27

I would think a 2.5 year old can wait.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 17/02/2020 13:29

Ps breast milk is a source of food so yes, it is comparable to a meal.

The fact that you also associate it as a comfort does not change that it is also comparable to a meal.

CuckooCuckooClock · 17/02/2020 13:29

I think the asd is a bit of a drip feed actually. An NT toddler does need to be told no and taught to accept that they can’t have their own way all the time.

However - either way the assistant was BU. If I saw you I’d just think ‘over indulgent parenting’ because I would have told my dc to wait at that age. But I wouldn’t think you should be told to move.

Double3xposure · 17/02/2020 13:29

I was in Clark’s the other day trying on shoes and a man sitting next to me was drinking coffee. He wasn’t even trying on shoes, he was with a woman who was shopping.

Should I have told him to wait until he was outside ? Or maybe asked his friend if he had ASD?

I didn’t check the window to see if there was a coffee friendly sticker in the window .

Original poster
Refreshed · 17/02/2020 13:30

I think the meal is comparable because it's a social norm, and that's surely what you're asking about

A meal can smell. A meal is messy and almost certainly will create mess with a toddler. A breastfeeding, much like a quick cuddle, has absolutely no impact on anyone else's senses. They can't smell it. They don't have to clean up after it etc etc

OP posts:
firstimemamma · 17/02/2020 13:30

Yanbu op. Women should be allowed to breastfeed anywhere & any time imo.

LaurieMarlow · 17/02/2020 13:31

Ps breast milk is a source of food so yes, it is comparable to a meal

The way it’s consumed makes it comparable to a drink. It doesn’t involve any of the mess or hassle that a meal involves. Your point is ridiculous.

stakeholderwizz · 17/02/2020 13:32

I think that as a non customer doing that there was not appropriate - you should have gone to your car. And I also equate it with a snack, and I wouldn't give mine an snack anywhere.

Laiste · 17/02/2020 13:32

So what do you think OP? Was it acceptable to do it there?

Original poster
Refreshed · 17/02/2020 13:32

I think you kbow full well it isn't a meal for a toddler on comparable for them. It's not just food as a meal is. It's so much more than that. It is comparable to cuddling a distressed child, perhaps, or having a sip of water whilst you wait for someone shopping.

OP posts:
LaurieMarlow · 17/02/2020 13:32

OP many of us don't think it's ok to give food or drink to a demanding toddler in the middle of a shoe shop either.

If that’s the case, then fine. However if you’d be ok with a drink but not a bf, it’s the act of bfing you have an issue with.

CatteStreet · 17/02/2020 13:33

'A random bf in the middle of a shop is not a need for a child old enough to have eaten and had a drink at a mealtime. I don't give snacks just because my toddler pesters.'

Apart from the issue of appetite regulation (which may be easier in later life if you are able to meet your hunger signals as a small child), many posters have pointed out that, especially at this age, bf is not primarily about food, but about comfort and connection. Exactly whom is it hurting for this mother to sit down briefly (and at that age a couple of minutes is all it is likely to be) on seats that are not currently in use and provide that comfort and connection to her child via bf?

Honeybee85 · 17/02/2020 13:34

I think they might have received complaints from other customers who felt uncomfortable to try on shoes in your proximity. I wouldn’t mind it I was shoe shopping there and just sit next to you but perhaps the shop was just thinking about losing business from paying customers.