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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Breastfeeding toddler in a shop, AIBU?

999 replies

Refreshed · 17/02/2020 11:46

To cut a long story short, out this morning and fed DS (2.5) sitting on a cushion seat in a shoe shop. A few other customers around but nobody even looking like they'd like to try on shoes. All other seats next to me completely free.

An assistant came up to me and said please can I do that somewhere else? The seats are for trying on seats only.

DS was done by this point anyway so I got up and left.

AIBU to have fed him there, and see it as an acceptable place to feed? No other people were sitting there and I wasn't preventing anyone from sitting next to us in the mny other seats avaible Confused

OP posts:
ethelfleda · 18/02/2020 12:29

This thread is full of shame to those that decide to do extended bf. Sorry thought mumsnet was a place where respect others was promoted. I was wrong. Seems it’s only if you decide to do what society/ people want you to do

You are right but don’t report the thread - there are some really good arguments against the ignorant comments here.

Refreshed · 18/02/2020 12:31

I don't think anyone on this thread is against breast feeding. I don't think anyone particularly minds extended breastfeeding. What most people do find unacceptable is feeding/drinking (of any kind) in a shop, other than for very small babies. I am equally annoyed by anyone, toddler, child or adult, walking around sucking from bottles, or coffee cups, or munching on chips. It is rude, obnoxious and self entitled. It smells, it can spill, get on merchandise or seats, and is just not necessary

You haven't read even half the thread then, since there are people being blatant about their dislike for toddlers BF and directly saying so. And all the examples you've compared BF to there are messy and often smelly

OP posts:
Poppinjay · 18/02/2020 12:32

At 2.5-3 people should be starting to teach a child this

Do we know that the OP doesn't already do this?

Do we know that the OP's child is developmentally ready to learn this?

Why teach it by withdrawing BFing in particular?

@LipsyGirl, you're clutching at straws here.

ethelfleda · 18/02/2020 12:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ for quoting a deleted post.

StillbreathingStillhere · 18/02/2020 12:38

Do you know what arrogant means?

Yes thank you Smile

LipsyGirl · 18/02/2020 12:39

I think if a child wants breast milk & we BF at any time/location it’s sending a message that needs are met immediately.

What kind of people are we going to be raising? People who can’t possibly wait a couple of mins to have their needs/wants met. This is Crazy! My nephew is 2, he will happily wait a couple of mins to eat/drink he might mention this a few times but he will wait.

But as said, Ops child she can do whatever she wants, personally my 10 month old has to wait a couple of mins if it’s not ready or convenient & I can pacify him until it’s ready

LipsyGirl · 18/02/2020 12:40

Where on earth have you got withdrawing BF from? Confused

Poppinjay · 18/02/2020 12:42

I think it's worrying people can't tell the difference between a babies needs and a toddlers wants.

I think it's concerning that so many poster seem the think you should only BF a small child of you can demonstrate that they need, rather than want, it.

ethelfleda · 18/02/2020 12:43

People need to stop dressing up their aversion to breastfeeding toddlers as some intent to teach a child patience.
Each mother gets to decide how she teaches her child patience. My DS is the same age as the OPs. We stopped nursing 6 months ago. I teach him patience in many ways... sometimes it’ll be when he is demanding a drink or a snack or whatever. Other times, when he is upset and needs a cuddle from his mom and I am completely in a position to do so immediately, I will do it.
The OP was completely in a position to comfort her child at that moment and she chose to do so. This is a tiny, tiny snapshot of how she chooses to parent and you cannot make a blanket judgement on her ability to teach patience by this one small act of comfort.

Poppinjay · 18/02/2020 12:44

I think if a child wants breast milk & we BF at any time/location it’s sending a message that needs are met immediately.

So does that only apply to BFing?

If a child wants a snack, a cuddle or just a bit of attention, should we always make them wait or is it just BFjng that should be withheld in this way?

Sleepyblueocean · 18/02/2020 12:47

"At 2.5-3 people should be starting to teach a child this"

People should be doing what is developmentally right for their own child.

LipsyGirl · 18/02/2020 12:49

No @Poppinjay that applies to everything. On this thread anybody that has disagreed with Op has been attacked and made out to be anti breastfeeding it’s appalling.

Everyone has the right to an opinion accept it or don’t. But to question/attack other PP for their opinions in a way your suggesting discrimination is disgusting. Op started this thread to ask opinions of people here. If you don’t want or can’t accept others opinions without screaming discrimination your in the wrong place

ethelfleda · 18/02/2020 12:52

Lipsy I think she is trying to highlight your own prejudices which you clearly aren’t aware of because they’re so ingrained.
What people are trying to say is that if you swapped’breastfeed’ for ‘cuddle’ then the overwhelming majority of people would have said she wasn’t BU. Which means it’s the actual breastfeeding that people have an issue with.

And yes, you’re entitled to your opinion. And I’m entitled to disagree with you... if you don’t want anyone to question your beliefs or opinions then don’t post them on a forum.

GloriaMumsnet · 18/02/2020 12:53

Hi everyone, can we urge a little bit of peace on this thread? We'll have to pull it if it keeps going this way which would be a shame as many Mumsnetters have contributed. Thanks

LipsyGirl · 18/02/2020 12:56

Disagree or accuse of discrimination? IRL nobody would act or speak to people like this, but because we’re online everybody shouts discrimination.

The point is to BF in the middle of a retail outlet, on seats that are there for customers to try shoes on. Go & use a bench in a shopping mall, go to a cafe. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should does it

StillbreathingStillhere · 18/02/2020 12:59

if you don’t want anyone to question your beliefs or opinions then don’t post them on a forum

That's a bit rich coming from you

LaurieMarlow · 18/02/2020 12:59

All this ‘he should be taught to wait/have patience, he should be weaned’ stuff comes from a fundamental view that BFing is not acceptable.

It’s tolerated under certain circumstances but fundamentally many people would prefer that it didn’t happen.

Rather than being celebrated for the nurturing act that it’s is. Because if that was really believed, why is everyone trying to put limits on it?

It’s tragic really.

M3lon · 18/02/2020 13:01

I'm struggling to imagine how its possible to think that a mother exercising her legal right to BF in a shop she is a customer in, without being fundamentally against the BFing of a toddler in this case.

I mean I think its unreasonable to smoke outside shops even though it is legal...I'm just not trying to pretend that I'm not anti-smoking...

myself2020 · 18/02/2020 13:03

* All this ‘he should be taught to wait/have patience, he should be weaned’ stuff comes from a fundamental view that BFing is not acceptable. *
nonsense (sorry). it has something to do with the age of the child. you wouldn’t give them a pack of biscuits/a juicebox/a carrot in a shoeshop, so you don’t feed them there. if they are young enough to not be able to wait (or eat any if the above), you feed them
hint: i did extended breastfeeding

LipsyGirl · 18/02/2020 13:07

Another comment, because this person disagrees they must be anti breastfeeding?

No I breast fed, nothing against it, but it’s not necessary to feed a toddler on demand without exercising some patience. It’s teaching they will get what they want or need when they want or need it.

M3lon · 18/02/2020 13:08

Very little in life is 'necessary'.

Why point out that this specific thing isn't 'necessary' if you aren't against it?

ethelfleda · 18/02/2020 13:09

That's a bit rich coming from you

I have absolutely no problem questioning my beliefs on anything. It’s how you grow as a person - people challenge you all the time. Sometimes l, occasionally, it makes me question how I view things.

LipsyGirl · 18/02/2020 13:11

@M3lon because this thread is about BF Confused I’m not going to start wrapping on about something irrelevant am I. I’ve never said BF isn’t necessary either!

StillbreathingStillhere · 18/02/2020 13:13

I have absolutely no problem questioning my beliefs on anything. It’s how you grow as a person - people challenge you all the time. Sometimes l, occasionally, it makes me question how I view things

Fair point

M3lon · 18/02/2020 13:13

The world would be a significantly better place if people didn't buy into all the 'rod for your own back' BS.

All the science shows that it is vitally important to meet toddlers emotional needs as efficiently as you can. They are better adjusted more secure children and adults when you do this, than when you 'teach them patience' etc.

The single most important thing in a toddler's universe is that they can rely on their parent to meet their needs. If you think its a good idea to teach them that buying a shoe is more important to you than comforting them, then you are fundamentally mistaken.

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