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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Breastfeeding toddler in a shop, AIBU?

999 replies

Refreshed · 17/02/2020 11:46

To cut a long story short, out this morning and fed DS (2.5) sitting on a cushion seat in a shoe shop. A few other customers around but nobody even looking like they'd like to try on shoes. All other seats next to me completely free.

An assistant came up to me and said please can I do that somewhere else? The seats are for trying on seats only.

DS was done by this point anyway so I got up and left.

AIBU to have fed him there, and see it as an acceptable place to feed? No other people were sitting there and I wasn't preventing anyone from sitting next to us in the mny other seats avaible Confused

OP posts:
Sleepyblueocean · 18/02/2020 11:50

"Here’s something mind blowing. Some kids that age have to fast for several hours before surgery."

My son did that. We had self injurious behaviour whilst he was doing that but we had no choice in that situation. We wouldn't force that level of distress on him when we did have the option of feeding him or providing whatever else he needs.

ethelfleda · 18/02/2020 11:56

Op, save the breast for last feed only and you can cut that out soon enough. You've done well to bf for so long but it is really not necessary now. If he has some decent food, he'll get all the nutrition he needs

What the actual fuck has it got to do with you what the OP decides to do with her own breasts? This is the most ignorant comment I’ve seen on here... and that is saying something.

HoppingPavlova · 18/02/2020 11:57

That doesn't change the fact that it was also perfectly fine for her to decide to feed him.

Absolutely. But it’s also fine to let young kids go into a store and chuck a box of raisins everywhere. Take a nice big chocolate in, let it melt all over their hands and then crawl all over a lounge or bed display in a furniture store. I could also take a nice big icy drink into a store and pop it down every 30sec while I look at something and leave big wet rings everywhere. Parents could take their kids out without nappies when toilet training, it’s little Mary’s right to do it on her own terms. Sure, we can all make our own choices and decisions for ourselves and our kids. That’s what life’s about. Most people make choices and decisions that are appropriate to time and place though and show consideration for those around them. It’s also possible to make choices and decisions so children learn it’s okay to do whatever you want wherever you want because your wants overrule consideration and basic manners - nothing to do with breastfeeding and everything to do with where you eat and drink. I wouldn’t sit down in the middle of a shop and decide it’s morning tea time and go for it then and there so it’s not a decision I’d make for a child old enough to understand (even if they don’t like it), but I absolutely appreciate we are all free to make different decisions in this regard.

LaurieMarlow · 18/02/2020 12:03

But it’s also fine to let young kids go into a store and chuck a box of raisins everywhere. Take a nice big chocolate in, let it melt all over their hands and then crawl all over a lounge or bed display in a furniture store. I could also take a nice big icy drink into a store and pop it down every 30sec while I look at something and leave big wet rings everywhere

It’s important to respect and look after other people’s property. Which all of those examples fail to do.

That doesn’t apply to BFing though, does it?

onionface · 18/02/2020 12:04

would imagine because there's no need for a boy over 2 and a half years old to breastfeed if he can eat a balanced diet. I'm not being goady here, but mammals are made to breastfeed until they can get their nutrients from solid food.

Why then, do humans wean children onto cow's milk?

HoppingPavlova · 18/02/2020 12:05

My son did that. We had self injurious behaviour whilst he was doing that but we had no choice in that situation. We wouldn't force that level of distress on him when we did have the option of feeding him or providing whatever else he needs.

If your son exhibits this behaviour by being made to wait for food and drink for 10 minutes then there are issues. Several hours, yes, that’s normal at a young age but 10mins while you finish up in a shop? Toddlers are built to be able to wait for a short time, that’s how parents change a newborns nappy when they have an older toddler or bath or feed a newborn. Toddlers should be okay learning to wait for short times, that’s how nature has built them. If yours exhibits self-injurious behaviours (as opposed to having a whinge) when being made to wait for something for a short time you need to get it checked out.

FET2020 · 18/02/2020 12:07

Breastfeeding in Public Places. The Equality Act 2010 says that it is discrimination to treat a woman unfavourably because she is breastfeeding. It applies to anyone providing services, benefits, facilities and premises to the public, public bodies, further and higher education bodies and association.

HoppingPavlova · 18/02/2020 12:08

Op, save the breast for last feed only and you can cut that out soon enough. You've done well to bf for so long but it is really not necessary now.

WTAF? Why? That’s really bizarre.

StillbreathingStillhere · 18/02/2020 12:09

This reply has been deleted

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HoppingPavlova · 18/02/2020 12:10

That doesn’t apply to BFing though, does it?

Yes, it does after a certain age when kids are learning where it’s suitable to eat and drink and where it is not suitable, irrespective of where their drink or food may come from.

Rosebel · 18/02/2020 12:11

I think it's worrying people can't tell the difference between a babies needs and a toddlers wants.

Sleepyblueocean · 18/02/2020 12:12

HoppingPavlova I am well aware that my son has "issues".

LipsyGirl · 18/02/2020 12:12

I’m so shocked this thread is still going. I’m also shocked that people think it’s unacceptable to make a toddler wait 5-10 mins to eat/drink.

LaurieMarlow · 18/02/2020 12:13

Your arrogance is mind numbing.

How is that comment arrogant compared to telling a poster what to do with her own breasts? Confused

LaurieMarlow · 18/02/2020 12:14

Yes, it does after a certain age when kids are learning where it’s suitable to eat and drink and where it is not suitable, irrespective of where their drink or food may come from.

All the examples quoted involved damage to other people’s property. Which is not acceptable. And not applicable to bfing.

StillbreathingStillhere · 18/02/2020 12:15

@LaurieMarlow
RTFT

LaurieMarlow · 18/02/2020 12:17

I’m also shocked that people think it’s unacceptable to make a toddler wait 5-10 mins to eat/drink.

I don’t see anything wrong with that in and of itself.

However in a cultural where adults food/drink needs appear to require immediate gratification and no one would bat an eyelid at same child drinking out of a beaker/bottle, then it would appear to be the bfing that’s the problem.

LaurieMarlow · 18/02/2020 12:18

RTFT

I have. Read the exchange you actually quoted.

LipsyGirl · 18/02/2020 12:22

I think people need to look at other ways to pacify a child thing to teach them there wants perhaps even needs will not be met immediately. It’s life, it’s something our next generation needs to be taught as adults our wants/needs are not always met but we have to deal with it. At 2.5-3 people should be starting to teach a child this

StillbreathingStillhere · 18/02/2020 12:22

@LaurieMarlow Oh FFS I wasn't just referring to that one comment. I guess I need to spell it out in simpler terms Hmm

Poppinjay · 18/02/2020 12:24

there's no need for a boy over 2 and a half years old to breastfeed if he can eat a balanced diet.

There no need to give children cows' breast milk when there is other food available but most people still do and the government even provides it free for under fives.

LaurieMarlow · 18/02/2020 12:26

FFS I wasn't just referring to that one comment. I guess I need to spell it out in simpler terms

What could be more arrogant than telling someone what to do with their own breasts?

Poppinjay · 18/02/2020 12:27

I’m also shocked that people think it’s unacceptable to make a toddler wait 5-10 mins to eat/drink.

Posters aren't saying it's unacceptable to make a two year old wait. We/they are saying that it's unacceptable to decide that another parent should make their child wait. Whether she decided to make him wait or not was entirely her business and nobody else's.

EasterIssland · 18/02/2020 12:28

I’m going to report the thread. Op has got enough Informarion If she wants to file a complaint as why she was being discriminated.

This thread is full of shame to those that decide to do extended bf. Sorry thought mumsnet was a place where respect others was promoted. I was wrong. Seems it’s only if you decide to do what society/ people want you to do

Poppinjay · 18/02/2020 12:29

I think people need to look at other ways to pacify a child thing to teach them there wants perhaps even needs will not be met immediately.

Why?

BFing is a healthy, convenient and effective way to pacify a child if that's what the mother and the child would like.