Breastfeeding toddler in a shop, AIBU?

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To cut a long story short, out this morning and fed DS (2.5) sitting on a cushion seat in a shoe shop. A few other customers around but nobody even looking like they'd like to try on shoes. All other seats next to me completely free.

An assistant came up to me and said please can I do that somewhere else? The seats are for trying on seats only.

DS was done by this point anyway so I got up and left.

AIBU to have fed him there, and see it as an acceptable place to feed? No other people were sitting there and I wasn't preventing anyone from sitting next to us in the mny other seats avaible

They all survive just fine. Not providing them with instantaneous wants in regards to food or drink (breast, non breast - makes no difference) does not result in a lifetime of trauma or attachment issues.

So we're all agreed that it would have been fine for this mother to decide not to feed her toddler when he asked.

That doesn't change the fact that it was also perfectly fine for her to decide to feed him.

Has this been picked up by media yet? It’s the sort of thing unfortunately

Happy for you to share research. Still none which convinces me that open breastfeeding in a shop is best for baby.

There isn't any need for you to be convinced.

It's not your child or your decision.

@Dividingthementalload it’s best for her child. What has it got to do with you?

Honestly I don’t understand why people are so annoyed by this.

It’s this nasty attitude that makes me feel uncomfortable breastfeeding my 4 month old in public, so I don’t go out that much.

Like I said, I have fed both ways. Formula feeding sucks (if only because it's a total PITA and costly). I would never ever say anything judgemental about formula feeding; however, regardless of opinion, breastfeeding human babies with human milk is best for them. It should be encouraged and there should be greater help available to make it a less stressful experience. Formula feeding shouldn't be the default. Yes, it is up to you what you feed your baby, when you wean them off of it, whether you feed on demand or in a set routine, but if you attack a woman for choosing to breast feed to natural term on an internet forum, people will respond and be defensive. If you were to have more respect for other people's choices to begin with, this wouldn't be an issue.

Maybe the reason more people are beginning to turn towards natural instinctive parenting methods is because we're fed up with the gruesome reality of a world populated by arseholes who were fed formula every 4 hours and spanked as a child?

Jeez I always thought the intelligence level of Mumsnet was much higher than this.

She can't be unreasonable because her actions are protected by law.

It may not be the way you choose or chose to parent and that is your right as a parent, same as the OP's.

If somebody nursing a baby or a toddler or a child is triggering for you then that issue is yours, nobody else's. Look to get help to process your issues and don't try and justify your position or guilt or emotions by rambling on about criteria you believe should be met for a child to nurse. The law trumps your ignorance. Get over yourself.

@lottie360 you might be horrified to bf a toddler. Good on you. Some of us aren’t. Why not respect us same way we respect your decision to stop?

'My opinion is that you cannot 100% know if breastfeeding or not will affect any particular child without being able to go back in time, do everything exactly the same apart from the method of feeding, and note the outcome. Obviously this is impossible. So all we can do as women is note the studies that have been done, and look at our families and other aspects that affect motherhood and decide what is best for us. And then not judge anyone who came to a different decision.'

Yes this ^ I completely agree.
Applying that to the thread it is op's choice to breastfeed to suit herself and her family and people should respect that. She had extra urgency because her toddler has ASD too. I dont understand why others feel the need to judge the feeding method others choose for their children whether that be breastmilk, formula or bloody quavers! I wonder of op's child was eating packet if anything would have been said...I think not.

if a packet sorry currently getting attacked by my very precocious toddler

Also she’s protected by law to breastfeed in public.

@fet2020

Please don't let these trolls bully you into not going out with your young baby! I have openly breastfed my baby (babies actually because my first was bf until about 5 weeks) in public since birth and not had a single negative reaction. They were born in an area with a very low uptake of BF and the kind of culture where I would have expected comments. Genuinely nothing! Don't be intimidated-get out and about with your baby

@Dividingthementalload kelymom has some of the benefits for the child :

Breast milk continues to provide substantial amounts of key nutrients well beyond the first year of life, especially protein, fat, and most vitamins.”

In the second year (12-23 months), 448 mL of breastmilk provides:
29% of energy requirements
43% of protein requirements
36% of calcium requirements
75% of vitamin A requirements
76% of folate requirements
94% of vitamin B12 requirements
60% of vitamin C requirements
— Dewey 2001

Breastfeeding toddlers between the ages of one and three have been found to have fewer illnesses, illnesses of shorter duration, and lower mortality rates (Mølbak 1994, van den Bogaard 1991, Gulick 1986).

Antibodies are abundant in human milk throughout lactation” (Nutrition During Lactation 1991; p. 134). In fact, some of the immune factors in breastmilk increase in concentration during the second year and also during the weaning process.

Do you want me to continue or are these still benefits for the mum?

Please respect us that want to do extended bf and don’t blame the mum. I’d never shame anyone depending on their choice of feeding and I ask to be respected as well

kellymom.com/ages/older-infant/ebf-benefits/

I’m not annoyed. I’m entering into a debate which was started by someone who wanted confirmation regarding she was right. I don’t think she is. By all means have your opinion but please don’t presume that I can’t object when specifically asked to comment by someone posting on a public forum seeking views.

I ask for the research simply to show that the reasons cited by extended public breastfeeders are nonsense.

Just to add my view, absolutely no problem with breastfeeding a toddler, but I would suggest at that age he can wait until you are in a more suitable spot, I.e coffee shop.
I wouldn’t let my 2.5yr old have a snack on the chairs in a shoe shop, don’t see being breastfed as any different.

Easter - there may be nutritional benefits. I don’t agree they cannot also be met otherwise by a normal as l human diet. And doing it in Clark’s is entirely unnecessary beyond demand feeding newborn/baby phase.

Of course women are entitled to bf their child for as long as they like...but at what stage is it deemed socially inappropriate to do so in a shoe shop...3 years old? 3.5? 4? Some children don't naturally self-wean. OP and those saying YANBU - genuinely interested in opinions on this?

Give me a survey that says demand breastfeeding a 2.5 year old is nutritionally better, socially advantageous or statistically better emotionally than normal eating for a large toddler. The stats simply don’t exist.

You will be given stats. However, in my opinion you're coming at it from the wrong POV anyway.

Extended BFing is the biological norm. Why should anyone need surveys/stats/permission to do it?

It's a lovely experience for child and mother. It's about much more than nutrition. It's a great tool for bonding and comfort as much as anything else.

How messed up do we have to be to think another species breastmilk is preferable to give our toddlers than our own?

All the language that you use about it shows that you think its shameful and sexual. How tragic that you've swallowed the message that breasts are for sex first and foremost, not for our own babies/toddlers.

I wouldn’t let my 2.5yr old have a snack on the chairs in a shoe shop, don’t see being breastfed as any different.

That isn't any reason not to support another mother who doesn't see things the same way you do and, for her own reasons, decided that it was the right thing to do at that point.

You probably wouldn't have worn the same clothes she did or eaten the same breakfast but you can still defend her right to wear and eat what she wished.

Dividingthementalload antibodies are passed on through breast milk so they have a better immune system. Are you a doctor? Expert in the field?

I wouldn't have sat down in a shoe shop to bottle feed or breastfeed. Surely you would go to a cafe or somewhere more suitable. It is also hardly like your child was a starving newborn and you were with someone who was trying on shoes. I think you were being a bit odd tbh. It is not surprising that the assistant said something. It is kind of akin to my opening my sandwiches up and eating there!

at what stage is it deemed socially inappropriate to do so in a shoe shop...3 years old? 3.5? 4?

Why does anyone get to deem it socially inappropriate at any age before the child weans naturally?

Chocolatedaim your view is irrelevant because mothers are protected by law to breastfeed in public.

Fair point poppinjay we are all different. But what I was trying to say, and obviously didn’t articulate well enough, was that we need a little consideration for one another.
A shoe shop isn’t the place for eating, regardless of what it is.
If it was a newborn who was exclusively BF then that’s different. But a 2.5yr old can be told to wait until they are done shoe shopping.

Oh great thanks for that FET2020

It is kind of akin to my opening my sandwiches up and eating there!

Except it's not really though, is it? It's more akin to giving the child a box of raisins or a drink, which lots of parents do in shops all the time. Tesco even provides fruit for children to eat whilst in their shop.

Again, your concern is not about the child getting nourishment. It's about the fact he got it from a boob which is shameful.