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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Breastfeeding toddler in a shop, AIBU?

999 replies

Refreshed · 17/02/2020 11:46

To cut a long story short, out this morning and fed DS (2.5) sitting on a cushion seat in a shoe shop. A few other customers around but nobody even looking like they'd like to try on shoes. All other seats next to me completely free.

An assistant came up to me and said please can I do that somewhere else? The seats are for trying on seats only.

DS was done by this point anyway so I got up and left.

AIBU to have fed him there, and see it as an acceptable place to feed? No other people were sitting there and I wasn't preventing anyone from sitting next to us in the mny other seats avaible Confused

OP posts:
sickandtiredofsick · 17/02/2020 12:05

now you’ve said you also got some shoes OP plus that it wasn’t busy i really think you 100% just had someone being unpleasant about the fact you were feeding there

Reversiblesequinsforadults · 17/02/2020 12:05

This thread is depressing. I thought we'd moved on. Haters gonna hate op.

Nicknacky · 17/02/2020 12:06

It doesn’t even change my opinion that you bought shoes and that it wasn’t busy. It’s an area for trying on shoes.

mantarays · 17/02/2020 12:06

But we weren't preventing a single sole from trying on shoes.

Grin
PrincessHoneysuckle · 17/02/2020 12:07

@drinkygin I dont! That's the point hth

Original poster
Refreshed · 17/02/2020 12:07

I guess I’d look at it as - would you have sat your child there to eat a snack ? If so crack on. If not yabu

Snacks are messy. My DS often breastfeed to call down in situations he's finding very challenging and getting upset. We try not to and calm down by words but that doesn't always work and breastfeeding is the quickest way. He also has suspected ASD. Not diagnosed though, and in my opinion not completely relevant since I suspect lots of toddlers without ASD can be very challenging at times

OP posts:
Kolo · 17/02/2020 12:08

For those asking, yes we did buy shoes. But I didn't need to try them on him

If you were a customer, I cant see any problem at all.

ParadiseLaundry · 17/02/2020 12:09

I agree with @sickandtiredofsick it's not comparable with having a snack at all and perhaps more like a hug and dummy which bizarrely much more socially acceptable (I'm not anti dummy at all though before someone accuses me of that) .

I BF until DS was 3 and he would sometimes still have it in public. I think in your situation when DS was the same age I would he probably tried to put him off a few minutes to go somewhere like a coffee shop so I could get more comfortable but I don't think YWBU. You were in the shop buying shoes so were a paying customer. If you'd just wanted to sit down yourself that would have been acceptable and she wouldn't have asked you to move.

HAhelp101 · 17/02/2020 12:09

I have breastfed 4 kids. The longest was 3 years. But by 2.5 it was for naps or sleep only and I wouldn't sit in a shoe shop and feed. They were told to wait until we were home. Or in the car if not near home. A baby baby is different. I would say up to 1.5 to 2 years there is no need to breastfeed in a shop. I'm pro breastfeeding. And an currently breastfeeding a 9 month old. So whilst I understand you, it is quick and easy just to do it. It's not always the best option when they are able to wait for a more appropriate time.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 17/02/2020 12:09

Well I wouldn't wander into a shoe shop, sit my 2 and a half year old down and hand them a sandwich to eat.

Original poster
Refreshed · 17/02/2020 12:09

Sorry if some think me being a customer before feeding was a drip feed. It didn't really seem such a big factor to me since I could well have been a customer wanting to try on shoes/buy something after feeding the upset toddler. How could you know if you're the shop assistant?

OP posts:
sickandtiredofsick · 17/02/2020 12:10

My eldest has asd @Refreshed it def is the quickest calm down tool and even for my NT dc it was as effective it’s really so much more than just a ‘snack’ I think that can be hard for people to understand and whist a newborn will scream an upset and distressed 2 year old can be a lot more disruptive

7dayslater · 17/02/2020 12:10

YANBU. If the toddler was sitting down having a drink from a beaker, would they have said the same?

userabcname · 17/02/2020 12:11

If it wasn't busy I don't see a problem. I'm saddened you encountered such an attitude OP. I'm very lucky in that whenever I've breastfed in public I've had people be so helpful. In M & S one of the shop assistants offered me a changing room to feed in for privacy (even though it was busy) when ds1 started to cry as I was browsing and said I could feed in there as long as I liked. I recently went for lunch and the lady who served us couldn't have been more helpful - swapping my chair with one that had arms to make feeding easier, rearranging the tables so we could fit the buggy on. It really makes all the difference and it's a shame not all shops and restaurants are like this. It would really help to normalise breastfeeding.

AdobeWanKenobi · 17/02/2020 12:12

He also has suspected ASD

Theres the drip.

Morgan12 · 17/02/2020 12:12

I don't think you should have done it there.

I wouldn't get my 2 year olds packed lunch out in the shoe shop and sit there while he eats it.

She was right, the seats are for trying on shoes.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 17/02/2020 12:12

Drip drip Hmm

couchparsnip · 17/02/2020 12:12

You didn't harm anyone and you weren't doing anything illegal. You impacted on no one's day whatsoever. Where's the problem?

crazydiamond222 · 17/02/2020 12:13

I think providing you were shopping there and you are not taking up room for other people to try on shoes it is perfectly reasonable to feed there. A better comparion than food is whether you would have given a toddler a hug and a dummy in the same spot. If the answer is yes then yes you are perfectly justified to bf them there.

Clangus00 · 17/02/2020 12:14

Was there a breastfeeding friendly sticker in the window?

Original poster
Refreshed · 17/02/2020 12:14

The suspected ASD isn't a drip feed - All toddlers can have difficult times. Breastfeeding is an absolute miracle in calming a lot of them down instantly.

I was just explaining why it's particularly helpful for my own DS

OP posts:
mantarays · 17/02/2020 12:14

Sorry if some think me being a customer before feeding was a drip feed. It didn't really seem such a big factor to me since I could well have been a customer wanting to try on shoes/buy something after feeding the upset toddler. How could you know if you're the shop assistant?

You could ask. But anyway, it doesn’t change the reasonableness of what you were doing or not doing. If you were a customer (planned or actual) and prepared to move if the seat was needed for someone trying on shoes, I think it’s fine. If not, I think not.

Original poster
Refreshed · 17/02/2020 12:15

I wouldn't get my 2 year olds packed lunch out in the shoe shop and sit there while he eats it.

Neither would I. Food makes mess

OP posts:
hydeandrun · 17/02/2020 12:16

It depends if he’s 2.5mths or years?!

what has that got to do with anything? Confused

I don't think yabu. I did the same. I never have once been told off though. Always when I am shocked to read this.

PineappleTart · 17/02/2020 12:16

So you had already made your purchase at that point? So weren't you going back to your car anyway?