Breastfeeding toddler in a shop, AIBU?

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To cut a long story short, out this morning and fed DS (2.5) sitting on a cushion seat in a shoe shop. A few other customers around but nobody even looking like they'd like to try on shoes. All other seats next to me completely free.

An assistant came up to me and said please can I do that somewhere else? The seats are for trying on seats only.

DS was done by this point anyway so I got up and left.

AIBU to have fed him there, and see it as an acceptable place to feed? No other people were sitting there and I wasn't preventing anyone from sitting next to us in the mny other seats avaible

She asked you to move perhaps because its company policy that the seats are for customers who are trying on shoes? Your DC may have been trying on shoes but you weren't🤷‍♀️ maybe she could have given you a little leeway considering your were BFing but there we go. But saying that I do agree with other comments that said you could have waited until you could get to a coffee shop or back to your car considering he's a 2.5 year old toddler and not a new born.

I think it does matter if it's 2.5 years or 2.5 months,

A 2.5 month year old doesn't understand and shouldn't be made to wait for a feed.

A 2.5 year old has basic understanding of waiting a few minutes and isn't absolutely desperate for a feed there and then.

Ok OP turn it round. What age is it not ok? Is it ok if a 7 year old runs out of school, bumps their knee and immediately expects to breastfeed from their mother?

You must see that everyone draws the line somewhere, we just draw it differently to you. For me, it's about a baby/toddler getting old enough that they have lots of things that give them comfort - a favourite toy, a mug of hot chocolate, a cuddle, kind words. Breastfeeding is quite a personal thing. To me it's a bit like.... DH likes a footrub at the end of a long day when he is stressed out. It's normal and it's a nice thing for me to do to soothe him, but he isn't going to demand I do it in the middle of Sainsburys. Like it or not, our society often find personal tactile things between two people being shared nonchalantly in public to be disconcerting. It's not limited to breastfeeding.

Yy it's absolutely frowned upon. I've heard so many people say things along the lines of that it's more about the mother's needs than the child's, even from a woman at a group I used to go to who was a GP fgs.

It's so crap, really. I mean, yes, ofc it makes your life easier if you can just lob out a tit for a couple of minutes and restore calm but a) you'll have done your time in the breastfeeding trenches for ages before you get to that point; and b) wtf is wrong with doing something that meets immediate needs and is not dangerous, impactful on others or poses any risk to participants or people around and moreover is doing exactly what it says on the tin and is designed to do so?

Also, there's a rather creepy subtext around statements such as this to do with breastfeeding women almost getting off on it which totally plays into the whole idea of breasts being sexual even when they are being used to feed a child, and that women themselves are somehow sex crazed hostages to their own desires which is so messed up it would need a thesis to unravel.

No I wasn't lacking in imagination. I just chose to go to somewhere suitable where eating and drinking was done and not somewhere where I'd buy shoes. But hey, next time I'm feeling peckish I'll sit down in Clark's and have a pasty.

Well that analogy works if you're 2.5 years old @flopsytheflatcat...

Oh.

havendilemma
Well there's plenty of twattish comments on this thread but your contribution really takes the
YABU for not expressing. There is no need to still be using your breast on a pre-schooler; especially in a shop hmm
There are half a dozen reasons I can think of straight off for "using your breast on" a toddler (doesn't preschool mean the year before school? Certainly not a 2.5 year old, but I suppose it helps your "case" to make the child seem older).

I never even did this when feeding my baby as a much younger baby! He would feed at reasonably regular intervals, it was easy to plan in stops in suitable places (quiet corner of a cafe, or parents room at one department store had rocking chairs!). That way I could stop, sit, have a cup of tea and ensure I was positioned out of people's way etc.

I find this immediacy odd. When you bf a baby on demand they don't suddenly scream for a feed - there's some build up, whether it's for comfort or hunger. To me if you wind up feeding on the spot in Clarks you've been ignoring the cues for a while!!

Tombakersscarf
Preschools where I am are 2 years before school. My son started at our local one aged 2.5.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland Even if it was a want and not a need, why would it be unreasonable that the OP indulged it? Do you never indulge any of your child's wants? Did they take up space from other shoppers or prevent them from using the shop? She had a legitimate reason to be in the shop and during that time she briefly used a piece of furniture intended for sitting that wasn't in demand by other shoppers, to sit and feed her toddler for a few minutes. The law doesn't care whether it's breastfeeding by want or need, so why should you? So many posts here can be summed up as: "I support breastfeeding, but actually I barely tolerate it - the only time I find it just about acceptable is when the child is young enough that there's no possible alternative" you're not fooling anyone.

God help us if we start putting the ignorant views of a shop assistant top of the list, ahead of our children's need for comfort, and ahead of our legal rights.

I fed only in toilets then graduated to cafés, tentatively, with my first. By the time I was on my third I was older, more confident, had other children in tow so needs must and I will confess I got them out everywhere. Shopping centres, buses, trains, even some poor devil's garden wall (a mile from home with a four month old having a shitfit in the pram, what you gonna do?). Never encountered any problems, and often got active help. Top marks especially to the Hepworth Gallery where staff not only found and offered a chair but also a glass of water (love those women) while I gazed at a massive iron installation and watched the water running down the dam outside.

But why does it bother anyone else? She's already said no one needed her seat. What's the problem other than some people find it weird?

I battled to get to 4 months breast feeding, so I'm not in the OPs position, but I just don't get why it could possibly be an issue for others to be even in the same room?

Fair enough, noidont
Would the law support Flopsy eating her pasty in Clark's, or the other poster rubbing her dh's feet? Of course not.
But it does support the OP.

@Tombakersscarf What law exactly would stop Flopsy eating her pasty in Clarks?

You misunderstand. The staff of Clark's could move the pasty-eater on, and she has no law to support her - not so for the milk-drinking toddler.

'It sounds like you just wanted to try to make a point to be honest.'

Quite

Yawn

YANBU!!!

Live your own life, OP. People will always have opinions about things like this that don’t affect them in the slightest.

We should support other parents, not make ridiculously unsupportive judgements that make life difficult!

YANBU, if nobody was waiting for you to move. I’m sure you wouldn’t have been asked to move if you’d just have been sat down

I do agree that the salesperson shouldn’t have told Op she couldn’t feed there as she was within her rights to do so. I think the main point that many are disagreeing on, is that although she was within her rights to feed there, should she have? Everyone will have their own opinion on this, irrespective of the law being on her side.

@Soontobe60 what a good post.

OP, I’m so sorry to read that this is the tip of the iceberg. 2.5 really is tiny, I agree!

I think the assistant was out of order tbh.

No issue really is there, so long as no one wants to try on shoes which they didn't.
You could be sat on a bench outside and see the same amount of people you did in the shop (my point being you don't need to hide).

I expect if your child was 6 months the assistant would've being saying how cute he is... I think this was her issue with DS age.

Fair play you for giving what your ds wanted AND respecting the world at the same time!!!!!

'I use to be sort of famous OP. I'm a mum now but use to be on Towie No, I'm not any of the Faires clan etc.

Use to be in the public eye a fair bit. A Z list celeb but was a celeb all the same!'

Saw you on the 'famous' thread Op

Perhaps they are sick of Famous people using their store as a cafe

Oh bore off @MarthasGinYard

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland did you ever breastfed a toddler ? Only asking cuz my son doesn’t give cues at his age. He comes and asks for it. He wants comfort same way as he wants a kiss or a hug. Doesn’t give cues about it. When he was a baby you could predict it. Nowadays no. Also when he falls down he wants comfort ... sometimes he’ll take a cuddle other times only breast. Again no cues apart from falling down. What I mean by this is that it’s not the same breastfeeding a baby than a toddler On demand. They’ve different necessities and a mum shouldn’t be judge because of bf a 2.5yo baby on demand if she decides to.